


Condemned

by locoforloki



Category: X-Men (Movies), X-Men (Movieverse), X-Men: Days of Future Past (2014) - Fandom, X-Men: First Class (2011) - Fandom
Genre: Alcohol, Betrayal, Charles is torn, Cheating, Deception, Drug Addiction, Erik is a Dick, Explicit Sexual Content, Hurt, Logan is a BAMF, Love, Modern AU!, Multi, Raven is a mess, Romance, Substance Abuse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-07-15
Updated: 2014-09-13
Packaged: 2018-02-08 22:26:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 42,595
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1958400
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/locoforloki/pseuds/locoforloki
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><em>"You're coming to my show tonight, right?"</em><br/> </p><p> <br/>Raven had always been the talented one, the beautiful one, the one that could turn heads in the street. Charles didn't mind. He was the smart one, the supportive one. He was the parent she never had. They were never rivals; always equals. Until Erik Lehnsherr walked into their lives.</p><p> </p><p>  <em>“Is this the one who can…?”  Angel teases.</em><br/><em>Raven laughs aloud, a light flush spreading across her cheeks as she nods. Angel practically purrs and steps forward, offering Erik her hand.</em><br/><em>“Hi, I’m Angel. I hear you can do amazing things with your tongue.”</em></p><p> </p><p>Charles' life is suddenly thrown upside down as he struggles to come to terms with his jealousy and frustration with his sister and the fact that he can't seem to keep away from her dangerously handsome on-again-off-again boyfriend, the person he knows will tear what is left of their family apart.</p><p> </p><p>  <em>“Hey, I can only carry home one Xavier at a time.” Erik warns as another five shots are lined up in front of them.</em><br/><em>“Do you even know where the Xavier you’re supposed to be with is gone?” Charles argues.</em></p><p>UPDATE COMING SOON</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. One

The slap of feet against wet concrete, laboured breathing, chest heaving, the sound of blood rushing through his ears as he pushes himself just that bit further. The distant sounds of traffic, the pale light of the early morning sunrise, the chatter of people as they potter about their business before the rest of the world has risen. 

_Slap, slap, slap._

_Slap…slap……slap._

His movements slow as he nears the end of his sixth mile. There are children climbing aboard a school bus, their mothers watching carefully, ensuring their safety. Dogs yap happily at their heels, pulling against their leashes, longing for that long-sought-for taste of _freedom_. Bin men drag away over flowing trashcans, their weather-beaten faces twisted with looks of digust as they sniff at the bins cautiously. Young women pull their coats around them tighter as they brace themselves against the cruel October wind, making their way towards the centre of the city.

The soothing melodies of Bach and Beethoven keep him moving, albeit a lot slower now. He moves almost sluggishly up the steps that lead to his apartment. He jogs on the spot as he awaits the elevator, his eyes trained on the screen above the metals doors that count down the floors.

_3…2…1_

He steps inside, wiping some of the gritty sweat from his forehead. He is alone inside the machine. He keeps moving, keeps jogging, keeps his mind on the music playing in his ears, slowly infiltrating his mind and helping him level out his breathing. The doors slide open and he walks briskly out, ignoring the neighbours that try and salute him as he fumbles inside the pockets of his shorts and finds his keys. He places them in the lock and twists it open, his eyes focussing on the small peephole, wondering if he tries hard enough if he could see inside. He pushes the door open and swiftly steps inside, closing it behind him. Beethoven has stopped playing and he jumps when the unbearably upbeat sound of Taylor Swifts latest hit burns itself in his mind. He tears out his earphones and flings the offensive I-pod down the hall.

“Raven? Raven! What have I told you about putting your music on _my_ I-pod?” he yells as he steps out of his sneakers. 

The woman in question steps out into the hall in an over-sized t-shirt. Her flaxen hair curls out of a messy up-do and last night’s make-up is smeared across her face.

“First of all, fuck you for waking me up. Secondly, the stuff you listen to is so goddamn depressing that I actually felt it was a duty of mine to put something on it that wouldn’t make you want to jump into the Hudson.” She yawns, stretching widely, causing her t-shirt to ride up and show her rather revealing lace panties.

Charles averts his gaze with a sigh and pulls off his sweat-soaked hoody. He pushes his dark hair out of his face and opens the door to his own bedroom. He doesn’t need to turn around to see that Raven is following him inside. She makes a face at the neatness of the place and throws herself down onto his bed, deliberately messing up the covers as she does so. 

“How do you sleep in here?” she demands. “It’s like a fucking hospital room.”

Charles just sighs again and steps out of his shorts. He keeps his back turned to Raven as he wraps a towel around his waist and grabs his bag of wash things.

“I’m going to the shower.”

“There’s no hot water.” Raven reminds him with a smile. “ _You_ never paid the heating bill, Mr I-Never-Forget-Anything-Because-I-Am-So-Perfect-And-In-Control-Of-My-Life.”

Charles freezes on the spot and turns to look at his younger sister. She smiles back at him boldly, her lips still somewhat purple from the lipstick she had worn the night before.

“Raven, I told you it was your turn. I paid it last month.” He says slowly. 

It takes Raven a moment to react. At first she goes to laugh but decides against it. Instead, she groans loudly and clamps a hand over her mouth, her eyes widening apologetically.

“Shit. Shit. Shit. _Shit!_ Charles, I totally forgot.” She whines.

Charles wants to fight with her. He wants to yell at her the way she would yell at him but he can’t. He never could, not at Raven. He simply drops his wash bag and offers her a kind smile.

“It’s alright. I’ll pay it on my way to work.” He promises.

Raven makes a small squealing sound as she beams up at him.

“You know you’re the best person ever, right?” She declares as she leaps off the bed and goes to throw her arms around him.

Charles doesn’t like the fact that they are wearing so few clothes but he hugs her regardless. Raven places a series of wet kisses along his cheek and smiles at him, so close their noses are almost touching.

“You’re coming to my show tonight, right?” She whispers.

Charles bumps their noses together and smiles.

“I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

 

\---

 

“Are you coming to Raven’s show tonight?” Charles asks his friend and colleague Hank as they walk to work together.

Hank shrugs and looks down into his foam cup of coffee, his glasses slipping down the bridge of his nose slightly. He makes a soft humming sound before offering Charles a small smile.

“I don’t know…we didn’t exactly _hit it off_ the last time you set us up.” He says quietly.

Charles laughs to himself and shakes his head. That date had been a _disaster_. Raven had been drunk and most probably high and for some reason took a strong dislike to Hank’s glasses. She had proceeded to bully him about for the rest of the night as Charles had looked on helplessly. 

“You’re being too polite, my friend. But Raven has promised that she would never behave like that again and besides, she likes you. I can tell.”

Charles was lying now and hoped that Hank would not notice. They stroll on past Central Park in silence, Hank obviously contemplating the pros and cons of dating his beautiful yet unstable sister. They are but a few moments away from the museum when Hank nods.

“Alright. I’ll come by tonight but only if I can stop by yours first and have a few drinks.” He warns.

Charles winks at him cheerfully and skips up the steps ahead of him. 

“I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

 

\---

 

“How about you take a break from that laptop and take me for lunch?”

Charles glances up from his screen and beams at the beautiful woman before him. He sits back in his red leather chair and cracks his back slowly. It was a little past two in the afternoon and Charles suddenly realized that he was famished.

“This report is taking _forever_. Write it for me, Moira.” He pleads.

Moira raises her eyebrows and pulls on her long, cream coloured coat.

“No way. Want me to get you a sandwich from that deli you like?” 

Charles pulls a face before nodding, his dark hair falling across his forehead in a way that he knew made him look dazzling. Moira smirks at him as she does up the buttons of her jacket. She knows him and knows every little trick he has placed up his sleeves.

“Are you coming to Raven’s show tonight?” He asks as he fishes around in his wallet.

Moira leans against the doorframe and smiles at him uncertainly.

“Depends. Is this you _finally_ asking me on a date?”

Charles laughs loudly and shakes his head as he waves a wad of bills to pay for their lunch. Moira struts across the hardwood floor, her heels clicking in a way that Charles had always found attractive. She takes the money from him and pouts.

“Are you ever going to let me save you from yourself?” She teases.

“Stop pinning all your hopes on me.” Charles argues. “There are plenty of single men in this building. Why don’t you ever take Sean Cassidy up on his numerous proposals?”

She pulls a horrified face and shakes her head quickly.

“He’s a _child_ , Charles. I wouldn’t be able to take him to most restaurants after nine.”

“You’d save a fortune on the Early Bird.” Charles says dryly.

Moira laughs before flipping him the bird, a fond expression on her face.

“Fuck you, Xavier. When’s the last time _you_ went on a date? Do you even know what an Early Bird is anymore?” She calls over her shoulder as she leaves the room in a whirl of cream and heady perfume.

Charles pauses for a moment, a half-smile on his face as he watches her go before he turns his attention back to the half-written report on his laptop.

 

\---

 

The club is empty, as usual and Charles and his friends are seated at the front, as usual. Raven’s friends Angel and Alex join them, both them already pleasantly buzzed. Hank is happily drunk, his glasses folded in their case and his contacts firmly in place. Moira is sitting the closest to Charles in a tight black dress that show that she is so much more than just a historian. She looks exquisite and Charles knows that he is not alone in this thought, not if the look on Alex’s face is anything to go by. 

“Bigger crowd than usual.” Angel remarks as she glances around the rundown club.

Charles looks at the sparse few tables that had a person seated at them and counted twenty in all. He shrugs. Not a bad turn out for Raven. The lights dim and a few of the more drunken punters begin to cheer loudly as Raven steps out onto the stage in an extremely revealing red dress. Her hair was curled and piled atop her head. She wore dark eye make-up and bright red lipstick. She was _ravishing_. Charles smiles when she begins to sing and shoots Hank a quick look. He is pleased to see that he appears smitten, a small, goofy grin on his face as he listens. 

“She’s so good.” Moira whispers in his ear and Charles nods.

Raven had always been talented the one. Ever since they were children, she was doing accents and impersonations and singing and dancing; doing anything at all that would put her in the centre of attention. Charles had always supported her. He would stay up with her until well past midnight watching her one woman shows, he would listen to her practice her songs over and over until he knew them better than she did. Together they created intricate dance routines and practiced them until Raven could do them in her sleep. Because she wanted to be a _star_. She longed for fame and fortune and a chance for people to see that she was more than just a young girl from a privileged family. 

“She’s going to get there.” Charles breathes as he watches her sing. “Someday soon, she’s going to get there.”

The show ends and Raven gets a standing ovation from nine out of twenty members of the audience. She comes bounding down the stairs, bowing as she runs towards them, a bright, excited smile on her face. Charles jumps to his feet and embraces her tightly as she throws herself into his arms.

“Aw! You came, you fucking came! Thank you!” She exclaims as she takes them all in.

“You were even better than last time.” Charles decides as he presses feather-light kisses against her damp forehead.

Raven laughs happily and pulls out of his embrace, draping one arm around Angel and smirking at Hank knowingly.

“Hey dork. Couldn’t stay away?” She teases as she reaches across the table and snaps his drink out of his hand.

She downs it in one and throws the empty glass over her shoulder. Moira raises her eyebrows as Hank guffaws stupidly, running a hand through his dark hair nervously.

“You were…pretty spectacular.” He says honestly.

Raven giggles and curtsies slightly. If there was one way to Ravens heart it was most definitely through praise. She turns to say something to Charles but stops suddenly, her eyes widening and lighting up beautifully.

“Oh, my _God_!” She screams, pushing past them all and racing over to a tall, dark haired man standing at the table behind them.

Charles turns around curiously and smiles in a bemused manner as she watches her throw herself at the man who seems to be awkwardly patting her back. He looks up at them all almost shyly and Charles feels a faint shiver run down his spine as he meets his gaze. The man mutters something to Raven as he straightens up and Charles hears his sister laugh in a way that is unfamiliar to him. It was deep and throaty and too mature for her. She took the man’s hand in hers and led him towards them, a wide smile on her face.

“You guys, this is Erik. Erik this is the guys. You’ll get to know them.” She says dismissively as she looks up at this Erik adoringly.

Erik nods and offers them a tight smile. Angel giggles behind Charles and raises her eyebrows at Raven.

“Is this the one who…?” She teases.

Raven laughs aloud, a light flush spreading across her cheeks as she nods. Angel practically purrs and steps forward, offering Erik her hand.

“Hi, I’m Angel. I hear you can do _amazing_ things with your tongue.” 

Charles blushes a bit at this and ignores the way Moira was repeatedly jabbing him with her finger. Erik takes no notice of her, instead his eyes were watching Charles carefully, his brows furrowed ever-so-slightly.

“This must be your brother.” Erik decides, stepping closer and holding out his hand.

Charles chuckles awkwardly and nods.

“Yes, it is and I would rather not hear about what you can do with your tongue.” 

Erik flashes him a dangerous smile.

“Aren’t you just a little bit curious?”

The group titters nervously and Charles feels himself flush with embarrassment. He yanks his hand out of Erik’s grip and shakes his head.

“No.” He bites out before turning around and downing the rest of his pint.

Moira meets his eyes curiously but says nothing. They all return to their seats, except Charles, who makes his way to the bar desperately. He wasn’t drunk enough to be introduced to Raven’s rude and incredibly handsome boyfriends. From the way she had been talking recently Charles had figured that she was unhappily single and that was why he had been so focussed on setting her up with Hank. Also, Hank would have been _good_ for her. He would have been able to try and help her out of _this_ mess.

“Is it okay if Erik stays with us tonight?”

Charles glances over his shoulder and sees his sisters pleading face. She grins and bats her eyelashes playfully before coming closer and slipping her hand into his.

“He’ll sleep on the sofa. I promise.” 

Charles smiles and squeezes her hand gently.

“Alright.”

 

\---

 

Five hours later and Charles has really begun to regret his decision. Their walls were _extremely_ thin and he could hear every single sound the pair opposite him were making. He stares up at the ceiling above his head and wishes he hadn’t allowed Raven to borrow his I-pod to practice for her show. It was probably lost somewhere in the chaos that was her room and Charles had no intention on interrupting whatever was happening in there. He pulls his pillow over his head and groans loudly, wishing that they would just _fucking_ stop. 

 

\---

 

Charles tries to sneak out of the house for his morning run. He had barely gotten any sleep the night before and he really was horribly hungover but he needed to get outside. He pads his way into the kitchen to grab his jacket when he comes across Erik strewn across the sofa completely naked. Charles blushes and averts his gaze before throwing one of Raven’s wet towels over him. The man awoke with a jolt and jumps off the sofa, revealing himself to Charles yet again.

“Oh. Morning.” He says gruffly.

Charles fixes him with a cool look before crossing the room to get his jacket. To his relief, Erik steps into his boxers and pulls on last night’s black t-shirt. Charles zips up his waterproof jacket and wonders whether it would be alright to step into Raven’s room and get his music. He hums thoughtfully before looking up and notices that Erik is staring at him. Charles frowns a little as he makes his way back out of the kitchen.

“You going for a run?” He asks before Charles can leave.

“Obviously.” Charles replies shortly.

Erik grins at him lopsidedly before nodding.

“Ok. Enjoy it.”

 

\---

 

When Charles returns, Raven is standing in their kitchen topless and pinned against the wall as Erik kisses her in a rather spectacular fashion. Charles resists the urge to throw his sneakers at them and slips into his bedroom, locking the door behind him. He strips off angrily and throws his things about the room, not sure exactly why he is angry. He tries to tell himself it’s because he wishes it were Hank kissing his sister like that but he knows that isn’t right. Their naked bodies had seemed so _perfect_ together. They were beautiful and Charles thinks that is why his heart hurts. 

He thinks that he is jealous.

 

\---

 

“Did uh…did that Erik guy stay over?” Hank asks as casually as he can manage over lunch. 

Charles doesn’t look up from his book, he simply nods. He doesn’t need to look up and see the disappointment on Hank’s face. Neither does Hank need to see his own pained expression. Moira hums approvingly to his left and chews her salad thoughtfully.

“Good for Raven. Erik seems like a pretty great guy.” She declares.

“He’s an arrogant dickhead.” Charles coughs quietly. “And I really don’t think I like him at all.”

Hank silently agrees. Moira simply laughs and nudges Charles in the side playfully.

“You just don’t like him because he’s not the kind of guy _you’d_ pick for Raven. But they seem pretty well suited.” She teases.

Charles shuts his book with a snap and glares at her impatiently.

“How are they well suited? She’s an unstable drug-addict and he’s-well, God _knows_ what he is! He’s probably her pimp or-”

“Or someone who might care for her as much as you do, some day.” Moira says with a shrug. “You can’t look after her forever, Charles. She needs to fend for herself at some point.”

 

\---

 

When Charles comes home Erik is there and Raven is not. Charles doesn’t have the energy to communicate so he simply makes his way into his kitchen and throws himself on the sofa opposite Erik. Erik doesn’t look up from the book he was reading, which Charles quickly recognised as the book he had left on his nightstand. 

“Did you take that from my room?” he demands as he squints at the title.

Erik glances up at him and nods slowly.

“And some briefs. Raven said you wouldn’t mind.”

Charles stares at him incredulously.

“Well, I do _bloody_ mind!” he snaps, glaring at him furiously. “Give them back!”

Erik smirks and puts the book down.

“You want the boxers back as well?” he mocks, a glint in his eye.

“Fuck you.” Charles spits, jumping to his feet and getting ready to storm out of the room.

Erik takes a quick step to the side, however, and blocks Charles’ exit. He smiles at him in a genuine fashion, his eyes softening slightly as he looks down at the smaller man.

“I think we’ve gotten off on the wrong foot.” He chuckles.

“Maybe that’s because the first thing I hear about you is that you do amazing things with your tongue and my sister highly recommends you!” Charles growls, his cheeks growing pinker by the second.

Erik half-grins at this and shakes his head.

“That wasn’t my fault…Angel shouldn’t have said that. It made everyone uncomfortable, myself included.”

Charles makes a scoffing sound and goes to push past him but Erik is stronger than him and he shoulders Charles so that he almost tumbles backwards over an armchair. 

“Let me take you both out for dinner.” Erik demands. “Let me show you that-”

“Are you asking my brother out?” Raven giggles as she steps into the kitchen.

She was already dressed up in a tiny yellow dress and red heels. She saunters over to them and smiles even wider when she sees the scowl on Charles’ face.

“Is he being a dick?” She asks as she links arms with Erik. “I told you to be nice; he’s my freaking brother, Erik.”

Erik shoots her a filthy look, his lips twisting unhappily. He unlinks their arms and leans against the wall behind him, managing to look in no way petulant and incredibly sexy. He shakes his head at Charles and exhales loudly.

“You wanna go for dinner or not?” he snaps and Charles doesn’t know if he’s talking to him or Raven.

Raven shrugs and mimics his stance, watching him coolly.

“Not if Charles isn’t coming.” She decides.

Charles chokes back a moan and gives Raven a pathetic look.

“I have a paper to write, honestly, I would be more than happy to stay here and-”

“Fine! Then I’m staying too.” Raven announces as she kicks off her heels. 

She jumps onto the back of the sofa and rolls across it, flashing them both as she does so. She falls into the soft cushions of the seat with a soft thud and grins over at Charles boldly. Charles looks back at her in a defeated manner as Erik begins to curse in German. 

“Raven, tell him to get dressed. We’ve got to be there in like, twenty minutes!” Erik barks, running his hands through his hair almost manically.

Raven shakes her head defiantly.

“I’m not telling him to do anything. Charles can do what he wants.”

Charles almost felt grateful except for the fact that Erik was now eyeing him murderously. He pulls on his leather jacket and glances between them both uncertainly. Raven gave Charles a small pleading look when Erik turns away and Charles nods. Raven winks at him before sitting up and jumping to her feet.

“You call a cab?” She asks Erik as she slips back into her shoes.

Erik spins around and grins at her, a broad, dangerous smile on his face.

“You’ve got to stop fucking with me, baby. It’s bad for my blood pressure.” He laughs as he rushes forward and presses his mouth against hers hungrily. 

Charles looks away as Raven kisses him back, her fingers pushing through his dark hair. When they pull away Erik smirks at her in a frankly frightening manner.

“Tonight is going to be your night. Trust me.” He whispers, just loud enough for Charles to hear.

“You know I do.”

 

\---

 

Turns out that night wasn’t Raven’s night. 

Erik brings them to a rather nice restaurant, which surprises Charles and there they meet a man named Sebastian Shaw who wasn’t interested in Raven in the slightest. It took a lot of negotiating on Erik’s part to even get the man to agree to come see one of her shows and when he says yes, Raven runs to the bathroom to hide her tears. When she’s gone, Shaw shakes his head and raises his eyebrows at Erik.

“Not another one, Lehnsherr.” He mutters around his cigarette.

Charles furrows his own eyebrows and watches Erik curiously as the older man laughs awkwardly, all of his sharp teeth on display.

“This one is talented, Seb. Believe me. She has got one Hell of a voice and I mean, come on, look at her! She’s _beautiful_.” He exclaims.

“She’s a mess.” Shaw sniffs. 

Charles stiffens at this and glares at him furiously. Shaw doesn’t seem to take any notice of this as he sips his martini. Erik shoots Charles an apologetic look before leaning closer to Shaw, a dark glint in his eye.

“She’ll do _anything_ , Seb. She just wants to be accepted.” He says quietly.

Sebastian smirks and hums against the rim of his glass as Raven comes back to them, her mascara running and a wide smile on her face.

“Just. I just want to say thank you. For giving me this chance, you know? Just thank you!” She gushes, her hands shaking and Charles realizes that she’s high.

The rest of the meal goes smoothly and once they are done, Raven convinces Charles to come to a club with them.

“Just for a few hours.” She swears. “You’ll be home before two.”

Charles trudges through the club loyally and tries to ignore the looks he gets from people wondering what the hell a man in tweed was doing at _this_. Erik soon disappears once they are inside and Raven starts getting hit on by almost every guy in the shithole and it’s more than Charles can bear. He slips off by himself and makes his way to the quietest part of the bar. The bartender gives him a sympathetic look before taking his order. He comes back with the five shots of tequila in record timing and even gives him a beer on the house. Charles thanks him and gets ready to down the alcohol when he startles at the press of a hand against the small of his back. He glances over his shoulder and rolls his eyes when he sees Erik.

“They for you and all your friends?” He shouts into Charles’ ear.

Charles flips him the bird and downs all five shots in quick succession. Erik watches on in bemusement and even claps when Charles finishes his fifth.

“You’re very good at that.” He yells.

“Good at what?” Charles demands.

“Swallowing.” Erik replies without missing a beat.

Charles blinks at the man before turning around and ordering another round.

“Hey, I can only carry home one Xavier at a time.” Erik warns as another five shots are lined up in front of them.

“Do you even know where the Xavier you’re supposed to be with is gone?” Charles argues.

Erik downs one of Charles’ shots and shrugs.

“Blowing Shaw would be my guess.” 

Charles’ stomach turns at Erik’s nonchalance and he shakes his head in disgust. He drinks his four drinks quickly and looks up at the other man in disappointment. 

“Shouldn’t that bother you?” 

Erik snorts.

“Why would I let it bother me? She’s so fucked she doesn’t know what she’s doing.”

Charles runs a hand down his face and realizes too late that he is too drunk to defend his own sister. He goes to stand but only seems to press himself closer against Erik. Erik grins down at him and Charles can’t help but hopelessly notice how beautiful he was. 

“You know, you’re much prettier than her.” Erik mutters against the shell of his ear.

Charles shivers as his lips brush against his skin. Erik notices this and smirks, turning his face inwards in order to nose his way through Charles’ hair.

“Are you drunk enough to fuck me?”

His hand travels down Charles’ back and cups one of his cheeks. Charles can feel the heat between them, can feel his own breathlessness. He comes to his senses, however, when he notices Raven on the dance floor, grinding against Shaw in a way that was practically pornographic. He pushes his way out of Erik’s grip and glowers at him furiously.

“Just make sure Raven gets home alright.” He slurs.

He goes to leave but Erik grabs him, a genuinely concerned look on his face.

“You’re ok to go home like this?”

His thumb strokes Charles’ forearm and Charles wants to stay because he can’t remember the last time someone had looked at him that way. But he pulls away regardless and nods.

“Fine. ‘m fine.”


	2. Two

Charles wakes the next morning with the mother of all hangovers and what sounds like the beginnings of World War Three. He sits up slowly, conscious of how the entire room spins and his stomach flips. He jolts as he hears what he thinks is a fist pound against the wall violently.

“… _I’m_ being selfish? I wasn’t the one with my panties around my ankles last night…”

“…think I didn’t see you with that girl? You had your hands up her skirt all fucking night, Erik…”

“…so surprised you even noticed seeing as you couldn’t fucking see straight…”

“…yelling, you’re going to wake Charles…”

“…I give a shit? Fuck him and fuck _you_ …”

A door slams and Charles can hear footsteps pounding down the hall. He glances at his alarm and winces when he sees that he won’t have time for his run. He kicks back the covers of his bed and stumbles out of his room, into the brightly lit hallway. He groans quietly to himself and pads his way into the kitchen. Erik is sitting at the table, a furious expression on his face as he types away on his phone violently. 

“Morning.” Charles croaks as he opens the fridge door.

“There’s no food. I already checked.” Erik replies.

Charles raises his eyebrow and closes the door in defeat. 

“Anything in the cupboards?” he asks dryly.

Erik glances up from his phone and smirks as he takes in Charles’ dishevelled appearance.

“Nope. That tequila really fucked you up, huh? Hm. Grab your coat and I’ll buy you some breakfast.” He declares with a wide grin.

Charles frowns and leans against the kitchen counter behind him. He watches Erik carefully as the taller man stands and pulls on that battered leather jacket of his. He raises an eyebrow at Charles expectantly.

“Well? Is that look a yes or a no?” he demands playfully.

“Hold on, let me get Raven.” He sighs in defeat, his grumbling stomach telling him that now was no time to be proud.

Erik shakes his head and stops him.

“No. _She’s_ not coming. It’s just you and me.” He snaps.

“I think I’ll give it a pass then, thank you.” 

Erik snorts and zips up his jacket.

“You’ve got ten minutes, Xavier.”

Charles raises his eyebrows and pushes past Erik out of the kitchen. He marches down the hall and throws open Raven’s bedroom door, not in the least bit surprised to see his sister curled up and crying softly.

“Your boyfriend is very demanding.” He mutters as he closes the door behind him quietly.

 

“He’s not my _fucking_ boyfriend.” She snarls, tears falling from her clumped eyelashes in an almost tragic manner.

Charles hums softly and sits down beside her, rubbing one hand along the small of her back reassuringly. Raven arches into his touch and looks up at him with watery eyes, her bottom lip trembling as she tries to catch her breath.

“I really fucked up last night.” She whispers.

“From what I heard, it seems like you both did. Don’t let him get to you.” Charles soothes, lifting one hand to push her hair back out of her face.

Raven sniffs loudly and groans as there is a knock on the door.

“I told you to get the fuck out!” She yells angrily.

“I’m not fucking knocking for you!” Comes the muffled reply. “I’m knocking for Xavier number two!”

Raven shakes her head in disbelief and pushes herself away from Charles. She climbs up her bed and slips under the heavy duvet. She glances at Charles pointedly.

“Well? Go on. Go see what he wants.” She snaps.

Charles frowns.

“He wants to go for breakfast.” He says slowly.

Raven half laughs and mutters something to herself, her eyes filling with even more tears.

“He’s not going to blow you, okay, Erik? So stop trying to fuck with me!” She warns loudly.

“Jesus Christ.” Charles breathes, a flush creeping across his cheeks, clearly mortified. 

“He’s blushing, isn’t he?” Erik shouts from the other side of the door with a laugh.

Raven allows herself a small smile as she nudges Charles with her foot. He looks up at her pleadingly.

“Please don’t make me go.” He hisses.

“Just do it. He said he’s going to cancel my show with Shaw. Talk him out of it.” She begs.

Charles punches the mattress of the bed in frustration. He frowns deeply and glares at his younger sister.

“I don’t even _know_ the guy, Raven just-”

“You’d get to know me if you came out from behind the door, Xavier Two. Now come on, I’m famished!”

 

\---

 

Breakfast with Erik isn’t as bad as Charles had expected. They go to a café near the museum so Charles won’t be late for work. They sit outside in the crisp October air and Charles can feel his hangover ebbing away as he takes his first sip of fresh Americano. Erik watches him as he drinks his own hot beverage and Charles feels awfully self-conscious. His eyes are sharp and focussed as he looks him up and down and Charles can feel the skin around his neck begin to redden and flush as he squirms in his seat.

“I meant what I said last night.” Erik says as the waitress places their breakfasts before them.

Charles feels the tips of his ears redden and he fixes his attention on the croissant before him. He cuts it up carefully, taking as much time as he can so he doesn’t have to make eye-contact with the man opposite him. 

“You’re much prettier.” Erik continues quietly.

Charles glances up at the man and feels his breath catch as he feels the _heat_ in that look. He groans inwardly and takes another sip of his coffee, hoping that it can magically end this conversation. Erik hums to himself as he grins at Charles, all of his long teeth on display. 

“Let’s talk about something else.” Charles decides firmly. “Like how you met my sister.”

Erik laughs aloud at this, spraying them both in crumbs from his pastry. He beams at Charles and leans closer, his eyes sparkling mischievously. 

“How do you _think_ I met your sister?” He asks curiously.

Charles takes a small bit from his croissant before shrugging.

“At a club.”

“Very good, Detective.” Erik chuckles. “Tell me more.”

Charles shifts in his seat uncomfortably before fixing Erik with a firm look.

“I want you to tell me how you met her.” He argues.

Because it was too easy and predictable. Charles knew _exactly_ how Raven met her lovers and none of them were at a Sunday luncheon. Erik takes another big bite before smirking at Charles, a knowing look in his eyes.

“You’re trying to figure _me_ out aren’t you? Well, I can promise you I’m not a junkie or an alcoholic.” He teases.

“I never for one moment so much as entertained the idea that you were.” Chares lies smoothly.

Erik winks at him as he chews, a thoughtful expression clouding his face for a brief moment before the man shrugs his broad shoulders casually.

“Alright. We met in a club. She was high, I was not. She blew me in the alley outside the club and then she came back to mine and we fucked. The next morning we fucked again and then she asked me to come see her at one of her shows. I did and we’ve been screwing ever since.”

Charles pushes his half-finished meal away and pulls out his wallet. He fishes around and throws a few dollars on the table, his hands shaking as he does so. Erik regards him with interest, a smile tugging at the corner of his lips. 

“I’ve offended you. _Again_.”

“I don’t like the way you talk about my sister.” Charles says calmly as he pulls on his coat. 

Erik shrugs.

“You’ve met your sister. She doesn’t really deserve to be highly spoken about.” He says quietly.

“She deserves better than you.” Charles spits, his fingers slipping as he buttons up his jacket hurriedly.

Erik sighs and pushes his hair out of his face, a strangely blank expression on his face. Charles can see his knuckles whitening as he offers Charles a forced smile.

“I have to disagree with you there, Xavier Two. She doesn’t.” He bites out as he gets to his feet. 

Erik throws some crumpled notes on the table before fixing Charles with a pitying look. 

“I’d tell you to enjoy your day but I don’t think you enjoy anything.”

 

\---

 

Charles spends the day in a daze. He is unhappy and unfocussed and finds himself wasting away most of his time worrying about Raven. At lunchtime, Moira pops her head around the door only to take a step backwards, a disgusted look on her face.

“Oh my God. The stench of alcohol in here is actually poisonous.”

“Tequila.” Charles says mournfully.

He looks up from his laptop and gives his friend a tired smile. 

“I want to go home and drown myself.” He sighs dramatically.

Moira laughs at this and shakes her head. She comes into his office and walks past his desk in order to shove one of the rather old windows open. The hinges squeak in protest and they both inhale happily as the crisp autumn air fills the room.

“Out two nights in a row?” Moira teases. “It’s not like you, Charlie.”

Charles hums and leans back in his old leather chair, a half-smile on his face.

“Raven managed to coax me out.” 

Moira pulls a face and plays with his pens, a distracted look on her face. Charles knows that she wants to say something and he also knows that it most definitely has something to do with his relationship with his sister but Charles found that he really couldn’t bear the idea of having to defend his sister yet again so he doesn’t call her up on it. 

“Would I be able to coax you out tomorrow night? A friend of mine is coming to the city and I want to show him a good time.” Moira pleads.

Charles raises his eyebrows.

“What kind of friend? Because I refuse to third wheel. I did enough of that last night.” He warns.

Moira laughs and brushes his comment aside with a wave of her hand.

“No, he’s not like _that_. His name is Logan and he’s a really good friend of mine. You’ll like him, I promise.”

Charles fights the urge to roll his eyes. Every day someone promises him something and every single time they manage to disappoint him. 

“Ok.” He says quietly. “I’ll come out with you.”

 

\---

 

Charles is pleasantly surprised when he comes home to a warm, clean apartment. He is even happier when he notices that there is no sign of Erik or his torn leather jacket. He kicks off his loafers and strolls into the kitchen cheerfully, a small smile lighting up his face when he sees Raven leaning over a cook book and pouting.

“What’s a good ‘I’m sorry’ dinner?” she asks without even looking up.

Charles laughs and curls up on the sofa, turning around and leaning against the back so that he may face her.

“Why are you apologising?” he queries.

Raven pushes her fringe out of her eyes and offers Charles a rather shy smile.

“It’s for Erik. He’s coming over later.” She explains a little nervously.

Charles feels his smile falter for a moment before nodding. He heaves himself up off the sofa and makes his way to the miraculously restocked fridge, hiding his face inside the cool box. 

“I’d better make myself scarce so.” He mutters a bit more bitter than he had meant. 

He hears Raven sigh behind him.

“I’m sorry. I’ll cook for you tomorrow.” She decides.

“You won’t. I’m going out with Moira and her friend Logan.” He shoots back as he grabs some yogurt and fresh fruit.

Raven raises her eyebrows at him as he begins pouring the yogurt into a bowl and chopping up fruit a bit more violently than strictly necessary. 

“If you don’t want him coming over here just say so.” She says impatiently.

Charles makes a scoffing sound and throws the fruit into the bowl roughly.

“It doesn’t make any difference what I say because you never pay any heed to it anyway.” He snarls.

Raven opens her mouth to argue but Charles silences her with a look.

“Do what you want; I don’t care. But he is not good for you, Raven.”

“Oh and Hank McCoy would have been?” She snaps, a hurt look on her face. “I _like_ Erik, Charles. I really, really do.”

“Then why did he finger some other girl last night whilst you were blowing Shaw?”

The words are out of his mouth before he has a chance to realize what he is saying. He silently curses himself as Raven jerks backwards as though slapped. Her cheeks flush horribly as she stares at him in shock.

“I’m sorry.” Charles sighs, scrubbing a hand over his face. “It’s none of my business, I shouldn’t have opened my mouth.”

Raven simply shrugs, her eyes still too wide for his liking. Charles struggles to think of something to say, something that would make it alright but he knows Raven and he knows when to leave things lie. He picks up his bowl instead and disappears into his bedroom. He stays there long after Erik has arrived and endures their lovemaking for what feels like forever. It is a little past three when there is a knock on his door. Charles sits up and waits, ready to tell Raven how sorry he was. The door handle turns and in steps Erik, a wide smile on his face as he takes in a nearly naked Charles.

“Xavier Two, you sleep with a lot less clothes on than I imagined.” He mocks as he closes the door behind him silently.

“What do you want?” Charles hisses, confused as to why the man would want to come see him.

And also more than a little self-conscious of his less than perfect body. He pulls the covers around him tighter, a move he knows Erik doesn’t miss.

“I came to apologise for this morning. I was rude and I’m sorry.” He whispers as he sits down beside Charles.

Charles stiffens as he feels the length of Erik’s thigh press against his. He then notices that the man is only in his boxers, something he had failed to realise in the near dark. He focuses on steadying his breathing as Erik watches him, their shoulders pushing together as well. 

“It’s fine.” Charles finally manages to breathe without his voice shaking too much.

Erik grins.

“You’re adorable, you know that, right?” he chuckles.

He leans closer to Charles and suddenly Charles can feel his breath against his cheek, hot and steady and moist. He resists the urge to whimper when Erik drags one finger across the length of his shoulder blade, a curious expression on his face.

“How can one of you be so perfect and the other so…fucked?” He asks softly.

Charles pushes into the touch despite himself and watches Erik with wide eyes.

“She’s my sister.” He warns and he knows that he is reminding himself more than just Erik.

“She’s passed out.” Erik replies with a smirk.

Their mouths seem to have moved even closer together and Charles _wants_. He needs to push their lips together and just taste the man opposite him, just so he can end whatever fascination he has with the man. Erik’s eyes seem to widen ever so slightly as they almost touch, their breaths mingling as they search each other’s eyes in the dark.

“Don’t.” Charles says just as Erik goes to close that final inch or so. “We can’t.”

Erik exhales a hot puff of breath before fixing Charles with a disbelieving look.

“Tease.” He mocks as he pulls away and gets to his feet.

Charles looks up at him, his eyebrows furrowed together thoughtfully as he took in the sculpted physique of the man before him.

“Do you only want to fuck me so you can hold that over her?” he asks cautiously.

Erik quirks an eyebrow and shakes his head slowly. Charles shrugs one shoulder and crawls back into his bed. Erik doesn’t stay much longer. He gives Charles one last curious look before exiting the room as silently as he came. 

Charles manages to wait all of three minutes before shoving his hand down the front of his boxers and beginning to stroke himself to the thought of Erik’s lips against his.

 

\---

 

“I’m sorry we’re late!” Moira exclaims as she races across the restaurant to where Charles was seated alone.

Charles looks up and beams at her, waving her apology aside.

“It’s perfectly fine, I haven’t been waiting long.” Charles says breezily as he takes in the rather tall, dark and handsome fellow behind her.

Moira notices this and smirks.

“Charles, this is Logan.”

Charles stands and offers the other man his hand. Logan simply nods at him and takes a seat.

“Hey.” He says in a gravelly voice.

Charles seats himself once again and continues to smile pleasantly, his eyes raking over the muscular form of the man opposite him. He was in a tight white shirt and black jeans, the jeans also sinfully tight. Moira pats her hair, feeling a little bit insulted by the lack of attention. Charles notices and quickly fixes his gaze on her, offering an apologetic smile.

“You got your hair done? It’s lovely.” He says sincerely.

Moira beams and winks at Charles.

“I knew you’d notice. Logan here didn’t even realize that I got it coloured.” She teases, elbowing the man beside her playfully.

Logan rolls his eyes and folds his large arms across his chest. Charles smiles at him yet again, chewing on his bottom lip nervously.

“So, Logan, how are you finding New York?”

 

A few hours later, Charles is pressed against the wall outside the club as Logan fucks his mouth thoroughly with his tongue. His hands were tangled in Logan’s hair and the taller man moans as Charles’ grip tightens. Logan slides his own hands from Charles’ hips to cup his ass and he squeezes appreciatively, eliciting a rather filthy sound that surprises even Charles. Logan breaks the kiss for a moment, a dark look in his eyes and is about to say something when they are interrupted by a voice that makes Charles roll his eyes furiously.

“Xavier Two! Fancy meeting you in a dark alley.” Erik chuckles, his arms wound around the waist of a stunning redhead. 

Logan takes a step backwards, allowing Charles to stand properly. Charles licks his swollen lips and looks at the woman pointedly.

“Where’s Raven?” he demands.

Erik raises an eyebrow and shrugs.

“How should I know? I’m not her keeper.” 

Charles makes a disgusted sound at the back of his throat and shakes his head.

“Right. Have a good night.” He clips out as he makes his way back to the door.

Logan follows him, eyeing Erik warily. Erik doesn’t try and stop him. He simply waves and turns his attention back to the woman on his arm. Once they are back inside the club Charles decides that they should try and find Moira. It doesn’t take them long. She was seated at the bar, a bored expression on her face as some balding gentlemen chatted her up relentlessly. She scowls at them as they approach her, a furious expression her face.

“What the hell, you fucks? Why did you leave me?” She demands.

Charles looks on guiltily as Logan shrugs, completely unfazed by her anger. He orders himself a beer and drapes his arm around her narrow shoulders.

“You told me to have a good time.” He points out.

Moira frowns and pouts slightly as she takes a swipe at him.

“I didn’t think that you’d have to abandon me to do that.” She sniffs.

Charles laughs and lays his hand on her knee, patting it soothingly. Moira sticks out her tongue at him and smiles, her eyes twinkling as she wiggles her eyebrows suggestively.

“So…should I call myself a cab home?” she teases.

Charles flushes furiously and turns away from her, absolutely mortified by her behaviour. He hears Logan chuckle behind him and mutter something in Moira’s ear. Charles resolutely does not glance in their direction, the tips of his ears actually _burning_.

“Chuck, I’m getting Moira a taxi. I’ll be back in a few.” Logan announces, forcing Charles to look in their direction.

Moira winks at him, a dirty smile on her face as she gets to her feet.

“I’ll see you on Monday, _Chuck_.” She mocks.

The pair of them disappear into the dance floor of the club and Charles puts his head in his hands, his cheeks still hot from his embarrassment. He makes a soft groaning sound as he realizes that he was now all alone with Logan and would be _expected_ to bring him home. It had been a while since Charles had slept with someone and he found that he was terribly nervous. He pulls his face away from his hands and looks up at one of the bartenders desperately and orders a tray of Jaeger. The young girl places the eight shots opposite him and fights the urge to raise her eyebrows as Charles quickly orders another.

“I’m beginning to think you have a problem.”

Charles doesn’t even need to turn his head to know that it is Erik pressed against his side.

“Fuck off.” He grits out between shots.

Erik laughs delightedly and leans against the bar, his eyes sparkling as regards Charles amusedly.

“It’s going to take a lot more alcohol to make that _brute_ you were with seem attractive.” He says lightly as his eyes watch Charles’ bobbing Adams apple hungrily.

Charles pulls a face as he downs his fifth shot and pauses to take a breath, waves of nausea rolling against his stomach as the Jaeger began to have an effect.

“Don’t just stand there watching me; join me or piss off.” He snaps.

Erik laughs delightedly and grabs a shot from the tray, never taking his eyes off Charles as he downs the drink. Between them they finish the second tray and Charles feels pleasantly light-headed as he leans against Erik for support. The taller man seems completely sober as he presses Charles against the smooth wall behind them; their hips aligned almost naturally as Erik turns them away from the watchful eyes of the other punters.

“Where’s your boyfriend?” Erik smirks.

“Where’s my sister?” Charles counters boldly, his chin raised defiantly.

Erik snorts lightly and lowers his head so that their gazes lock, his own mesmerizing eyes boring into Charles’ intently.

“Are you going to let me kiss you this time?” he breathes, his face inching even closer as he spoke.

Charles lets his head fall back against the wall behind him, trying to bide himself more time. Because his drunken mind was insisting that this was a good idea, that kissing Erik was a good thing but the tiny part of him that was still sensible was screaming at him to stop. So Charles remains silent, never taking his eyes from Erik’s as their mouths slowly press together and _God_ , it is like nothing Charles has ever experienced. The kiss is lot sweeter than he anticipated and Erik’s lips are incredibly soft. Their mouths work against one another in a way that is almost teasing and not enough. When Erik darts his tongue forwards, almost tentatively, Charles latches onto it. He pulls the taller man closer and they kiss open mouthed and breathlessly, both men panting obscenely as their hands scramble along each other’s body hungrily. Erik moves his hips ever so slightly and the kiss stutters as they both realize they are hard. The stutter gives Charles just enough time to come to his senses and gently untangle himself from Erik.

“I’m sorry.” He croaks and he sounds utterly _wrecked_.

Erik simply watches him, his breath still coming too quickly as he licks his own spit slicked lips thoughtfully.

“Oh, there you are.” 

Both Charles and Erik turn around to face Logan and what they have been doing is written all over their faces. Logan raises one eyebrow before shrugging.

“You want me to fuck off?” he offers, jabbing his thumb over his shoulder.

“Yes.” Erik says just as Charles blurts out a no.

Logan snorts, clearly amused as he folds his arms across his chest and looks between the both of them expectantly. Charles steps away from Erik and offers Logan a shy smile.

“Charles, where are you going?” Erik snaps exasperatedly.

“To have a drink with Logan.” He slurs, his balance a little off from the Jaegers.

“I think you’ve had enough.” 

“Who are you?” Logan suddenly asks, his brows furrowed slightly. “I mean, are you an ex or just a fucking cling on?”

Erik flashes that dangerous smile of his and steps closer, his fists clenched at his side.

“I’m a _friend_.” He growls.

“Erik.” Charles warns, placing one hand on the man’s chest. “Leave it.”

Erik opens his mouth to argue but Logan stops him.

“You heard the man, bub. Fuck off.”

Erik exhales sharply before throwing Charles a filthy look and storming off, his leather jacket wrapped tightly around himself as he pushes through the crowd. Logan snorts as he watches him walk away and turns to Charles, who was wobbling on the spot as he struggled to find his balance.

“Maybe we should get you home.” He mutters.

Charles’ eyes widen.

“We don’t…I mean, I would like to but…we’re not going to-”

“Fuck?” Logan offers as he pulls Charles towards the exit.

Charles nods. Logan shrugs.

“I’ll take the sofa, Chuck. No big deal.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow. The response to this has been amazing! Thank you each and all!
> 
> I know this chapter has followed the first very quickly but that's because I wont be able to update for a while what with work and that.
> 
> Please enjoy and let me know what you think!


	3. Three

Charles is woken by the extremely dramatic flinging open of his door by his sister Raven. He groans loudly and cracks an eye open to his sister staring at him, her mouth agape. She has clearly just stepped out of the shower, her hair hanging in loose, wet tendrils around her face. She clutches the towel around her tightly as she breathes heavily, a smile slowly spreading across her face as she takes in his horrifically hungover appearance.

“There is a man on our sofa and _I_ didn’t bring him home.” She announces delightedly and much too loudly. 

Charles simply moans in reply and pulls the duvet over his face. His head was pounding and his mouth was so dry he nearly had to peel his tongue from the roof of his mouth. He makes a loud grunting sound as Raven throws herself on top of the bed and drags the covers away from his face. He looks up at her miserably as she grins like the cat that got the fucking canary.

“You had sex last night.” She hisses gleefully.

Charles pushes her face away from his and rolls his eyes. He quickly regrets doing so as a jolt of pain shoots through his mind. He lifts one hand and places it over his eyes in a bid to try and block out some of that torturous light. 

“No I didn’t. His name is Logan. He’s Moira’s friend and he slept on our sofa.” 

“That doesn’t mean anything.” Raven sniffs dismissively. “Erik prefers to sleep on the sofa afterwards.”

Charles groans again at the mention of _that_ name and lets Raven pull his hand away from his eyes. She beams down at him happily, her eyes shining.

“I’m so happy for you.” She whispers softly. “I thought you wouldn’t…not after-”

“Raven, I didn’t.” He snaps suddenly, bristling at her words. “I didn’t have sex.”

Raven freezes for a moment before sitting back, her towel slipping and revealing her entire upper body. Charles averts his gaze dutifully and tries not to grow angrier by her reluctance to cover herself up.

“Raven, put on some clothes.” He pleads exasperatedly.

“They’re fucking breasts, Charles, get the fuck over it.” She snaps grumpily as she pulls her towel up. 

Charles finally looks back at her and he can see the pitying look in her eyes. He has to fight the urge to snap at her once again and instead just looks at her pointedly, silently telling her to stop.

“He’s cute is all. I don’t know _why_ you’d make him sleep on the sofa.” She says defensively.

“Yes, you do.” He mutters quietly. “So, please stop.” 

Raven falls silent once more, her gaze entirely softened as she leans forward and places a kiss to the corner of Charles’ mouth. 

“Jesus, Chuck, another one?” A bemused voice chuckles.

Raven leans back and beams at Logan, clambering off of Charles bed, shaking her head.

“No, he’s my brother!” She laughs as she holds out her hand for Logan to shake. “I’m Raven.”

Logan furrows his brow and looks between the two of them uncertainly. 

“You’re brother and sister?” he repeats.

Raven nods, her smile faltering slightly as she senses his doubt. She pulls her hand out of his grip and fixes him with a defensive look. Logan picks up on this and shrugs.

“Sorry. My brother never used to straddle me in just a towel is all.” He says honestly.

“She doesn’t usually straddle me.” Charles pipes up shyly. 

Logan grins at this, his eyes lighting up as he looks at Charles’ mussed hair and sleepy eyes.

“Sleep well?” he asks, leaning against the doorframe. 

“Like the dead.” Charles laughs.

“Hm.” He grunts. “Sofa wasn’t too bad.”

Raven smiles at Logan and Charles can tell she likes him. He just doesn’t know if _he_ likes him. 

“You should come to my show tonight.” Raven suddenly pipes up. “Charles will be there.”

Logan glances at Charles as if looking for permission and Charles finds himself nodding, not really understanding _why_ he wanted him to be there. Logan gives him the shadow of a half-smile and nods. 

“Right. I’ll be there. Chuck, you let Moira know and I’ll see you there. Nice meeting you, Raven.” 

Logan nods at the both again before backing out of the room. Raven waits until she hears the front door closing before she fixes Charles with a pointed look.

“He’s _nice_ , Charles. He’s not like-”

“Raven. I’m not ready to sleep with anyone yet, ok? Now, please do kindly fuck off and let me sleep away this awful day.”

 

-

 

Raven is terribly nervous. Charles can sense it as they get ready at home together. Tonight was her big night, according to Erik. Sebastian Shaw was going to be there and was going to decide whether or not he would sign Raven to his club. Erik told Raven that she had it in the bag but Charles wasn’t so sure. He helped her curl her hair as she applied her make-up, her hands shaking ever so slightly. He could see her eyes darting towards a small make-up bag where he knew he kept her coke. She wanted so badly that Charles could _feel_. He silently urged her not to, prayed that she would have some self-control. 

“I told Erik you’d collect him at his.” She breathes as Charles finishes off spraying her hair into place.

Charles pulls a face and catches her eye in the mirror.

“Is there a reason he can’t make it there on his own?” He sighs.

Raven moves her powder brush across her face and shrugs, her face carefully blank.

“He’s smitten with you, Charlie.”

And Charles freezes because she only ever calls him _Charlie_ if she’s mad at him. He lowers his gaze and bites his bottom lip; the images from last night swimming in his mind as he tries to school his face into one of complete neutrality. 

“I’m sorry.” Raven says before Charles has a chance to say the exact same words. “It’s not your fault.”

She smiles at him through the mirror, her pink lipstick shining slickly. The smile doesn’t quite reach her eyes and he can see the way she is looking him up and down, searching him for something. Charles doesn’t smile back. He just watches her sadly, trying to find the words, _anything_ at all that might ease the guilt. Her eyes flash as she notices the traces of guilt pulling at the corners of his mouth and his eyes.

“I mean.” She repeats. “It’s not your fault. Erik can be very persuasive when he wants to be and I mean, you’re not exactly the strongest of-”

“Raven, shut up.” Charles insists quietly as he places down the hairspray with a dull clanging sound. 

Raven looks at him in a hurt manner as he pulls on his black jacket, resolutely looking anywhere but at her. 

“Good luck.” He mutters as he steps out of her bedroom and slams the door behind him so hard that the picture frames shake.

 

\----

 

Charles doesn’t collect Erik or swing by Hanks or even text Moira. He runs instead. He runs even though his skinny jeans chafe him a little and his jacket makes him too hot. He doesn’t think of anything. He clears his mind and just focusses on his run. He runs past familiar corners and deli’s and waves at neighbours who recognise him. He inhales deeply and exhales slowly, in a state of bliss as his mind is miraculously _cleared_. He turns a corner that he knows will lead him back to Raven’s club and stops dead in his tracks when he sees Erik sitting on a concrete step, curled over a cigarette. His hands were shaking and his hair was nothing like its usually slick do. He startles a little when he sees Charles but he still offers him a smile.

“Charles.” He greets and there is none of his usual swagger or charm about him.

Charles considers running past him and ignoring those eyes but he is watching him hotly and with something completely _raw_ so Charles slows to a jog and then a gradual stop right in front of Erik.

“Are you alright?” Charles asks, genuinely concerned.

Erik snorts and shakes his head, his brows furrowing as he wrinkles his nose and looks up at Charles in amusement.

“Why would you ask me that? _Why_ would you care?” he ponders.

Charles bristles a bit at this and exhales impatiently.

“Because you’re Ravens-”

“I am _not_ Raven’s!” Erik suddenly bellows, making Charles jolt with fright.

Erik clamps a hand over his mouth slowly and looks up at him apologetically.

“I didn’t mean to shout.” He mumbles against the palm of his hand.

Charles can see a few beads of sweat gathering at the top of Erik’s forehead despite the fact that it was a bitterly cold night. Erik sighs again but it is shakier this time and Charles can feel his concern for the man growing as Erik looks on helplessly, his hands trembling against his cheeks.

“Erik, I-”

“Kissing you was like kissing an _angel_ , Charles.” He interrupts quietly, dragging his eyes along the length of Charles’ body. “You are so perfect.”

Charles squeezes his eyes shut before extending his hand to Erik, ignoring the way his skin jumped when Erik placed his hand in his tentatively.

“Let’s go see, Raven.” Charles says soothingly, absentmindedly running his thumb along the back of his hand as he would for Raven.

Charles goes to start walking but Erik holds still, his eyes searching Charles desperately so Charles waits, a curious expression on his face.

“If I told you that I’ve never seen anyone like you before, what would you say?” Erik demands softly, his hand still in Charles’.

Charles half-smiles and shakes his head.

“Nothing. I wouldn’t know how to even begin answering that.” He says honestly.

“Ok.” Erik exhales, the corners of his lips tilting upwards. “Now, you ask me something.”

Charles frowns and shrugs and he is very conscious of how they must look to the people around them, two grown men standing in the middle of the street with about two feet between them as they hold hands. Erik looks at him imploringly and Charles doesn’t know why exactly but he can’t refuse him.

“Ok. If I were to ask you if you were high right now, what would you say?” he breathes softly.

Erik snorts and shakes his head, a bigger smile stretching over his mouth now.

“I would tell you that you had wasted a question there. I told you before; I’m not an alcoholic or a drug addict.” 

Charles frowns in confusion but he doesn’t push it any further because Erik has let go of his hand and is striding off in front of him, his leather jacket pulled across his taut back tightly. Charles shakes himself and begins to walk alongside him, both of them silent and deep in thought.

“I _am_ a bad person though, Charles. Just because it hasn’t revealed itself in an addiction doesn’t mean that I’m good.” Erik warns lightly.

Charles shakes his head.

“Addicts aren’t bad people, Erik. Just humans who have lost their way.”

And when Erik turns to look at him, it is as if he has seen the Messiah.

 

\----

 

Shaw doesn’t disappoint. He has filled the dingy club to the rafters with his crewmen, henchmen and friends. Charles has never seen it so packed and he struggles at first to find their table. It is Erik who notices them first and he places hand on the small of Charles’ back to lead him through the crowd. Angel doesn’t miss this and raises one perfectly shaped eyebrow as she pushes out two chairs for them to sit on. Charles takes the seat nearest to Angel so that Erik has to sit beside Logan, something that Logan didn’t quite miss either.

“Want me to buy you a drink, Chuck?” Logan offers as Charles takes off his jacket.

“No thank you, Logan. I’m not drinking tonight.” Charles says pleasantly, acutely aware of the hand Erik had placed on his knee.

The taller man leans back in his seat and shifts closer to Charles.

“Did you fuck him last night?” he whispers in Charles’ ear.

Charles hopes that he isn’t flushing too obviously as he shakes his head minutely. The grip Erik has on his knee eases slightly and he begins to rub his fingers around his knee teasingly as he hums a tune Charles doesn’t recognise.

“Erik! I thought you would be sitting with us tonight?” Sebastian calls from two tables over.

Erik grins at him over his shoulder and shrugs.

“I have to sit with her friends and mingle! It’s my duty.” He yells back.

Sebastian raises his drink and winks.

“Well, good luck to your _liebling_ , Erik.”

Erik waves a hand at him before turning back into the table. He sighs heavily and glances around at the group, flashing them all a charming smile.

“I wouldn’t want to sit anywhere else.” 

And as if to emphasise his point, Erik squeezes Charles knee happily. Charles goes to push his hand away as he feels the heat of Moira’s gaze on the side of his face but when he does, Erik slips their hands together instead.

“Sure you don’t want that drink?” Logan asks and Charles knows that he knows.

So he simply smiles and nods gratefully.

“A gin and tonic would be superb, thank you.”

 

\----

 

The moment Raven steps out onto the stage, Charles knows that she is high. Her eyes are unfocussed, her hands are shaking and her entire demeanour is off, nothing like the usual sexual prowess she displayed. He is proven right when, ten minutes into the set, her nose starts to bleed like a rather spectacular scarlet fountain. The crowd gasps and Charles is the first one out of his chair. He jumps the stage easily and grabs his sisters hand, dragging her from the spotlights, ignoring the way his stomach was turning or how ridiculously _angry_ he was. He pulls her into her dressing room, which was nothing more than a glorified broom closet and sat her down on a chair, tilting her head backwards to try and stop the blood flow.

“What have you done?” Charles demanded quietly just as the door flew open to allow a furious looking Erik entry.

“What the _fuck_?” he explodes furiously.

Charles shoots him a meaningful look but Erik ignores him, pulling away his hand so that Raven can sit up and face him. She looks at them as defiantly as she can with two bits of tissue paper shoved up her nostrils.

“What? I took a bit too much and-”

“And totally fucked everything up.” Erik snaps as he begins to pace the tiny room.

There was barely enough space for the three of them and Charles wants to tell Erik to leave but he doesn’t know _how_. Raven’s head lolls backwards and her eyes flutter shut as she mutters something about neither of them being there for her. Charles wants to slap her when she says that but restrains himself with great difficulty. 

“I’ll call a cab.” Erik sighs as he pulls Raven to her feet.

He gently manoeuvres her weight onto Charles. Charles buckles only slightly as he tries to keep his sister on her feet. He can feel the blood from her nose dripping down the side of his neck and it’s just too _fucking_ much. The anger simmered away inside him as they managed to convince a cabbie that she was simply exhausted. Erik’s phone vibrates the whole way home and Charles can see from the caller I.D that it was Shaw who was trying to contact him. When they finally make it home, Charles throws money at the driver and thanks him profusely as they begin slapping Raven’s cheeks and telling her to wake up.

“Do you think we should bring her to the hospital?” Erik pants as they half-carry her to the elevator.

Charles shakes his head quickly. Raven was on her last warning; one more near overdose and they were going to ship her off to rehab, whether she wanted to go or not. That was the deal she had made with Mummy and Daddy’s lawyer and Charles was not going to let her break that. The ping of the elevator rouses him from his thoughts and they drag Raven’s limp, groaning body down the hall quickly, not wanting the neighbours to see. They are barely inside the door when Charles can feel his own phone vibrating. He takes it out of his pocket and sighs when Moira’s picture lights up the screen. He excuses himself and steps outside the apartment to answer the call.

“Charles? Hello? Charles, are you okay?”

She was shouting down the phone, causing Charles to wince.

“I’m at home with Raven.”

“And Erik.” She yells pointedly. 

“Yes, he’s here.” Charles snaps impatiently. “I’m sorry about tonight, Moira, I really am, it’s just-”

“Things are fucked up at the moment. I know, Charles.”

Charles doesn’t like the way she sighs or how she has fed him back the line he uses every single time Raven pulls a fucking stunt like this. He hangs up without saying goodbye and makes his way back inside. He marches down to Raven’s bedroom, where he can hear her crying from inside the door.

“…but you _promised_ if I did that, that things would work out alright…”

“…needed to actually perform a fucking song Raven without looking like Amy fucking Winehouse…”

“…accident, I didn’t mean to…”

“…with Charles! What was I supposed…”

“….fucking blow him, Erik! I know you want to, you fucking sex….”

Charles steps away from the door and makes his way to the kitchen, absolutely exhausted. He flicks the switch on the kettle and goes to settle into his seat when Erik appears in the doorway. Raven’s blood was drying down one side of his face and he looked terrifying. He offers Charles the ghost of a smile as he collapses into a seat, his eyes half-closed already as he exhales, depleted.

“You handled that like someone who knew what they were doing.” Charles comments as he watches the steam rise from the kettle.

Erik shrugs.

“My mother was a heroin addict.”

“Was?”

“She’s dead now.”

Charles falls silent before piping up;

“Mine was an alcoholic.” 

Erik cracks one eye open, an interested look on his face.

“Raven never said.” He mutters slowly.

“Raven doesn’t like to talk about. It drove our parents to divorce.” Charles sighs.

“Parents are the worst.” Erik breathes, his eyes now fully open once again. “I never knew my father. He knocked my mother up and fucked off.”

“Mine died in a car accident.” Charles comments calmly.

There is a pause and then Erik chuckles, shaking his head slowly.

“If I didn’t know you, I would say that you were trying to beat me in ‘Whose Life Is More Tragic?’” 

Charles rose to pour his tea and shrugged his narrow shoulders.

“You don’t want to play that game with me.” He hears himself saying. “I always win.”

“I used to sell myself.” Erik blurts out and Charles spins around to look at in shock.

Erik smiles in bemusement but Charles can tell that it’s just for show. There is a pained expression behind those eyes and the clench of his jaw. 

“Raven doesn’t know _that_ so…our little secret?” he asks uncertainly, his gaze flickering up to finally meet Charles' eyes.

Charles shrugs.

“Of course.”

"Good." Erik purrs happily.

And there are so many questions that Charles wants to act but Erik is standing and making his way towards Charles with a look that tells him that all conversation has ended. For some reason, Charles doesn’t struggle this time, when Erik covers his mouth with his. Instead, he leans into the kiss and pulls Erik down towards him, opening his mouth willingly and kissing him hungrily. And it’s the perfect fit. _They’re_ the perfect fit. So much so that when Erik pulls his mouth away to whisper;

“Your room.”

Charles doesn’t even bother to listen to his screaming conscience. He threads his fingers through Erik's and allows himself to be pulled through the kitchen, too busy focusing on steadying his breathing to spare a thought for his unconscious sister.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So. My weekend away didnt go to plan so here is another chapter I wrote to cheer myself up!


	4. Four

There is nothing but _heat_ and the feeling of Erik’s bare body pressed against his and Charles asks himself _what is he doing?_ It is almost perfect, the sensation of Erik’s mouth working against his hungrily. Their bodies move together in perfect harmony, in ways that Charles has never known possible. His skin tastes familiar and his touch is like something from a dream Charles dreamed a long time ago, in another life perhaps, from a different time. It’s further than he has gone in such a _long_ time but his sister... _Raven_. 

He can’t.

Not to her, not like _this_ , not now.

“ _Erik_.”

And it’s quiet, barely a breath but he stops. He stills with his hands resting on Charles’ hips and his lips against his neck. They lay like that for a while, neither of them saying anything or moving, the sounds of their harsh breathing filling the room until Charles feels his chest tightening and his heart aching. Their bodies are practically humming, singing out to be touched. It takes time but Charles finally turns his face away from Erik’s and takes a deep shuddering breath, breaking the spell.

“I think you should go home.” He says quietly.

Erik doesn’t say anything. He just stands and dresses in silence, his eyes looking anywhere but at Charles as he does so. Charles pulls the covers over his bare body and wraps them around himself tightly, his breath still coming much too quickly. He wants this, doesn't he? He wants Erik in ways he hasn't wanted someone since...well, for a long time. He squeezes his eyes shut and inhales deeply, trying to still his trembling body.

“Charles.”

And his voice is so _rough_ and raw and full of things that he wants to say but knows he cant. And he is grateful he doesn't.

Charles glances at him, his eyes too bright, too wet. Erik bows his head and nods, mostly to himself. He slips into his shoes and walks out of the room quietly. Charles remains frozen until he hears the click and close of the front door. He exhales shakily before sitting up, his heart hammering against his chest as he finds his boxers and t-shirt. He leaves his room with his duvet wrapped around his shoulders. He opens the door to Raven’s room and steps inside, preparing himself for the worst.

He’s not surprised to find her naked and shivering as she watches herself in the mirror, the blood from earlier dried and crusted around her nose and mouth. She doesn’t bother looking at him when he steps inside, a dazed look on her face.

“I fucked up.” She whispers, her eyes watering as she blinks at herself.

Charles drops his blanket and makes his way over to her, his brow furrowing as he sucks in his bottom lip. He doesn’t say anything, the lump in his throat silencing him. He pulls her gently from her stool and presses her against his chest, burying his nose in her hair as he forces himself to _breathe_. She holds onto him for dear life, the skin of her back cold as he runs his fingers along it lightly.

“Sleep with me?” She pleads and as if Charles would refuse her.

He leads them back to the bed. He pauses to wrap her dressing gown around her nude form and climbs into the bed, curling himself into her and pulling her close, his hands fisting in her blonde hair as he tries to hold himself together, like he used to when they were children.

“Do you need to cry?” She murmurs against the skin of his neck.

Charles nods slowly.

“Is it because of me?”

Charles nods again.

He hears the hitch in Raven’s breathing before she presses a kiss to the skin just below his left ear.

“Ok. You can cry.” 

 

.

 

The next morning Charles makes them pancakes like he used to when they were young. They eat them in Raven’s bed. Raven is lying on her side, her dressing gown half open as she tucks into the pancakes hungrily, the golden, sticky syrup dripping from her chin as she watches Charles watch her. It is a mostly silent affair, save for the sounds of their chewing and the occasional sigh of appreciation from Raven. When they are finished, Raven throws the plates on the ground and rolls closer to Charles, resting her head on his stomach as she looks up at him curiously.

“Do you want me to move out?” She finally asks.

Charles raises an eyebrow and shakes his head. Raven smiles a little at this and picks up Charles’ hand in order to press a kiss against it.

“Thanks.” She breathes against the warm skin and it’s ticklish and makes Charles squirm a little.

She drops his hand and exhales slowly, a peaceful expression on her face and it would have been nice hand it not been for the fact that they were both still covered in her blood from the night before.

“I want…I think you need help.” Charles says slowly and it is the first thing he has said since Erik left the night before.

Raven shrugs, her brows furrowing slightly.

“I think we both do.”

 

.

 

It turns out that all hope is not lost. Once Charles and Raven manage to clean themselves up and drag themselves out of bed, Raven checks her phone and sees that she has almost twenty missed calls from Erik. She calls him back and it just so happens that Shaw _is_ interested in Raven and thinks that she would be a wonderful addition to his club. 

“Fucking _yes!_ This is awesome, Charles! This is what I needed!” She screams as she hangs up the phone and tackles him with a hug.

Charles steadies himself against the counter behind them and forces a smile, as wide and as bright as he can manage.

Because he should be happy for her. He shouldn’t have to pretend to share her elation. 

_This_ is what Raven has worked for, has dreamed of since they were children. 

But he's not happy, not at all and it's for reasons he cannot possibly explain.

He can scarcely believe what is happening as Raven shoves him into a shirt and pants suit, nattering on and on about how she needs him there for the contract with Shaw, how she wanted him to make sure that it all was above board. She hails them a taxi outside the complex and links arms with him, buzzing away beside him, her eyes brighter than he has ever seen them.

“I can’t believe this is happening.” She squeals as the taxi pulls up outside Shaw’s club, just a short twenty minutes from Charles’ apartment.

And Charles needs to pull himself together; to snap out of his reverie because Raven has _finally_ achieved something by herself, something that he hasn’t had to fight for her to get. So, he offers her a genuine smile, one that he hopes tells her how proud he is of her and he lets her hold his hand as they stroll into the elegantly decorated club. It was all rich purples and golds and creams and Charles can immediately see Raven there, singing in some tastefully cut gown to the rich and famous of New York. 

And it pains him to realize that he isn't apart of the picture. Not in his mind.

A stunning blonde woman with eyes like sapphires meets them as they walk through the club, their mouths open in awe. She holds out a hand to Charles and smiles.

“Hello. My name’s Emma. May I help you?”

Charles takes her hand and shakes it firmly before pushing Raven forward.

“This is Raven. Soon to be Mr. Shaw’s newest recruit.” Charles beams and the smile Raven gives him is flooding with love and happiness and so radiant that Charles has to look away because it hurts to look at her.

Emma smiles at them both politely and links arms with Raven, indicating that they should follow her. They are then taken up the stairs to another floor, decorated much like the one below it but with private booths and large, plush sofa’s. Raven’s eyes are like saucers as she tries to take everything in and Charles places a hand on the small of her back to steer her a little more steadily. 

“This is Sebastian’s office.” Emma explains as they step inside a simply decorated room. “He shouldn’t be much longer. Can I get either of you something to drink? Some champagne, perhaps?”

Charles goes to shake his head but Raven nods enthusiastically. 

“Yeah! We’ll have some champagne, please.” She declares excitedly. 

Charles sighs and takes a seat in one of the leather armchairs. Raven sits in the one beside him, her bare legs dancing with excitement. Charles reaches over and pulls down the hem of her black skirt a little, his eyebrows raised in an almost disapproving manner.

“You should have worn tights.” He says despairingly.

Raven snorts and pushes his hand away playfully.

“Shut up.”

Charles half-smiles and sits back in his chair, allowing himself to relax as they wait for Shaw. Their drinks are brought to them but it is not Emma who is balancing the bucket of champagne and four glasses; it’s Erik. Charles stiffens as he takes the seat beside him, a huge grin on his face as he leans across him to place a kiss on Raven’s lips. When he pulls away, his lips have the faint stain of Raven’s purple lipstick. Charles forces himself to stare straight ahead, a carefully blank look on his face.

“I knew you could do it, baby.” Erik says delightedly as he goes handing out the glasses.

Raven snorts and raises her eyebrows.

“You told me last night that I was a worthless fuck-up.”

And Raven is teasing but Charles still freezes, his hands gripping the arms of the chair as he turns and gives Erik a furious look. Erik ignores this and dismisses Raven’s comment with a wave of his hand.

“You _were_ a fuck-up last night, but Sebastian insists he saw something in you.” Erik mutters with a dangerous grin.

He pulls the cork out of the bottle with a _pop_ and it is only then that he looks at Charles. Their eyes meet for the briefest of seconds before Erik drags his gaze away guiltily, a smile quickly lighting up his face once more as he returns his attention to Raven.

“Champagne?” he offers as he pours their drinks.

Charles goes to take his glass away but Raven holds his wrist in place, a wicked smile on her face. Charles relents and lets Erik fill his flute to the top. He examines the rosy liquid and the bubbles that race to the top only to burst into nothing. He raises his glass dutifully as Erik clears his throat but they are interrupted by Shaw. 

“Don’t make a toast without me!” Sebastian declares as he runs into the room, a smug look on his face.

Raven leaps out of her chair and throws her arms around him, her champagne sloshing down the back of his crisp, linen suit but Shaw doesn’t seem to care. He lifts her from the ground slightly as he squeezes her tightly, laughing as he does so. When they break apart, he holds Raven at arms-length and sighs happily.

“You’re so beautiful. She’s beautiful, isn’t she, boys?” He exclaims, tearing his attention away from Raven to fix it on Erik and Charles.

They both nod quickly and Shaw lets her go in order to raise his champagne flute.

“To a wonderful, new beginning!” he says passionately.

And Charles knows that they can all drink to that.

 

.

 

The legalities involving Raven’s new career are none of Charles’ business, supposedly. At least that is what Shaw implies when Charles asks if he can see the contract.

“With all due respect, you’re a historian.” The man says with a smirk and Charles can see the doubt in Raven’s eyes. “If she wants to get a _lawyer_ to take a look: sure. But her brother: no way.”

“It’s just your standard working contract.” Emma explains with a sweet smile. “Six months, three nights a week, rate of pay, blah, blah, blah. There are no hidden extras.”

Charles shifts in his seat uncomfortably and gives Shaw a pointed look.

“May I at least have a copy of the contract to give to our family’s lawyers?” he asks as politely as he can.

Shaw shrugs.

“Sure. _Raven_ can ask for a copy whenever she pleases.”

Charles makes a soft clucking sound with tongue and sits back. It was clear as day that he had no say in this room. He glances at Raven who was smiling at Shaw uncertainly, her eyebrows furrowed slightly.

“Well. Uh. Can I have a copy?” She half-laughs.

Shaw sniffs in a disapproving manner and shrugs his shoulders.

“You haven’t actually been offered one yet.”

The silence that follows after that stretches for an eternity. Finally, Erik coughs and looks at Shaw meaningfully.

“Are you going to offer her one?”

Shaw flashes Erik a look before laughing and clapping his hands together so loudly that Charles jumps.

“Well, of course I am!” He chuckles. “Raven, if you’d just follow me, we could talk this out in private and then if you still want a copy, I’ll have Emma run along and get one.”

He gets to his feet and Raven quickly follows suit. All of the earlier giddiness has long evaporated and now she seems focused and determined. Shaw leads them away to yet another room whilst Emma pours Erik and Charles another glass of champagne. Their fifth and Charles knows that Shaw wants them to be kept busy and drunk whilst he managed Raven. 

“Do you boys need anything else?” she asks as she straightens up.

They both shake their heads and watch her walk away in silence. Charles doesn’t miss the way Erik’s eyes follow her ass indecently, a small smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. Charles exhales loudly and lets his head rest against the back of the armchair. Once Erik has finally dragged his attention away from Emma Frost, he turns to look at Charles, his face blank and searching.

“She’s alright.” He says quietly, after a moment.

Charles glances at him questioningly.

“She’s going to be okay.” Erik continues. “We’ll look after her.”

Charles feels that dreaded lump close off his throat once again and he shakes his head, clearly confused.

“ _We_?” he echoes.

Erik nods once. 

“You’re not able to do it alone.”

And Charles wants to argue but he can’t because it’s true. Moira has been saying it for a while now; they needed help because things just weren’t working. He drags his eyes away from Erik’s face and exhales sharply through his nose, his lips pressed together thinly.

“Last night-”

“I crossed a line.” Erik says softly and Charles wants to turn to look at him but he can’t.

So, he nods stiffly and folds his arms across his chest, trying to hold himself together.

 

.

 

Charles leaves Shaw’s club, alone. Raven and Erik decide to go for dinner and celebrate. Neither of them invites Charles so he decides to walk the forty blocks home in the pouring rain. Raven and him, when they were children, would always ditch the school bus and walk home when it was raining. It was soothing and Raven always claimed that it helped her think and Charles agreed. The gentle patter of the rain was almost like a lullaby to them and by the time they made it home, they would always appear calmer than they actually were. Their parents never cared that they walked home in the rain. Their mother had commented on it once but she always presumed it was because they didn’t get along with the children on the bus, not because they needed something to calm their nerves before they walked into that dreaded house.

Charles steps out of the elevator, soaked to the skin, and does a double-take when he sees Moira and Hank sitting outside his apartment with bags of take-out at their feet. Hank appears to be dozing as Moira taps away on her phone with a bored expression. Charles clears his throat and she looks up, a slow smile spreading across her face as she takes him in.

“Do you ever answer your fucking phone?” she demands as she gets to her feet.

Charles takes his keys out of his pockets and shrugs. Moira rouses Hank beside her and the man wakes up with a jolt. He blinks at Charles uncertainly and offers him a small shrug.

“This wasn’t my idea. Moira insisted.” He grumbles as he stands.

Charles sighs and fixes Moira with a pointed look.

“I’d much rather be alone right now.” 

Moira folds her arms her chest and stares right back at him.

“So you can sit around and mope and fuss about Raven? No. I bought your favourite Thai food and some of those brownies you like. I even went to that stupid Korean place Raven _adores_ and got her that soup she likes! So, let’s go inside, drag Raven out of bed and-”

“Raven is out of bed.” Charles interrupts as he pushes the door open. “She’s gone for dinner with Erik.”

Moira looks surprised as she follows him inside.

“ _Really?_ I thought after last night she’d be a mess-”

“Shaw offered her the job anyway.” Charles mutters as he begins to undo the buttons of his saturated shirt. “Said she had true talent.”

“Hm. Yeah, for blowjobs.” Moira breathes as she stalks past Charles and makes her way to the kitchen. “You know he’s only using her.”

Charles grits his teeth as he slips off his shirt and storms into his bedroom. He steps out of his trousers and pulls on his tracksuit bottoms and old university jumper. He steps back out of his room and goes to the kitchen where Moira is plating up whilst Hank looks on anxiously.

“She’s a grown woman, Moira; you said it yourself.” Charles sighs as he grabs some glasses and places them on the table.

Moira hands him his curry and raises her eyebrows.

“That doesn’t mean she doesn’t need help, Charles! You both do. I know it’s not easy coming from what you-”

“Moira. Lay off.” Hank suddenly pleads as he takes in Charles’ straight back and clenched knuckles.

She glances over her shoulder at them before sighing loudly, a defeated look on her face.

“I’m sorry, Charles, it’s just….she’s not _okay_ , she needs professional-”

“Moira, _please_ …” Charles finally manages to spit out.

The woman shuts her mouth with an audible click and they eat their meal in silence. Charles begins to relax as the night wears on and by the time they have eaten and drank their fill, he is almost feeling like himself again. 

“So. You and Logan…anything going to happen there?” Moira asks.

“I fucking hope so!” Raven’s voice shouts from down the hall, indicating that she is home.

Moira beams happily as Raven and Erik step into the kitchen. Raven sniffs at the air hopefully and her eyes light up when she sees the brownie on Charles’ plate. He pushes the plate towards her and Raven dances over to him, forcing him to push his chair out from the table so she can sit on his lap. Erik seems to hover awkwardly for a moment before deciding to hop onto the kitchen counter, his long legs dangling in front of him. 

“Logan is _keen_.” Moira continues lightly. “And he usually doesn’t like anyone.” 

“He hates me.” Hank says with a wry smile. “Tried to punch me last night.”

“Why?” Raven asks curiously.

“Because I corrected his grammar.”

“Dork.” Raven snorts, nudging Hank with her bare foot playfully.

“So?” Moira pushes. “Do you think if he asked you out on a date you’d say yes?”

Charles doesn’t know why, but he finds his gaze being drawn to Erik, almost as if he is trying to test the other man’s reaction. But he’s looking right back at him with eyes that give nothing away so Charles shrugs.

“I don’t know.” He says softly.

“He would.” Raven amends with a firm nod. “Tell Logan he has a dinner date with me, Charles and Erik Tuesday night.”

Charles clenches his jaw and he thinks that he may actually _hate_ Raven in this moment. If she notices the way his body tenses, she pays no heed to it and continues picking at his brownie with relish. Hank is looking at him uncertainly and Charles knows that he is worried so he forces down his anger and turns to offer him a sheepish smile and shrug. 

“Raven, did Charles say he wanted to double date?” Erik demands suddenly.

Raven flicks her hair over her shoulder dismissively and gives Erik a pointed look.

“Charles _never_ says what he wants.” She declares as if that explains everything

And Charles can feel himself blush as all eyes in the room turn on him.

“It’s fine.” He manages to croak, his own voice even letting him down.

The look in Erik’s eyes that Charles that it is _not_ fine but they both decide to let it go.

 

.

 

Erik comes to him again that night. 

He only comes as far as the door, his eyes boring into Charles’ intensely as he takes in the other man hungrily.

“You _know_ what you want.” Erik states.

And Charles knows that he knows.

So he nods and shivers as he feels the heat of Erik’s gaze rake up and down his body.

“I _need_ you to know what you want, Charles.” He says, softer this time.

“I do.” Charles insists as he allows the covers to fall past his waist, revealing his pale, freckled stomach.

“ _Tell me_.” Erik demands hotly and he is desperate.

Charles’ mouth runs dry as he shakes his head.

“No.”

Because telling Erik what he wants would give the man permission to cross that line again and Charles just can't bring himself to do it to Raven.

"I know what you want." Erik states as he goes to leave. "And it's not to be left alone in this room night after night."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know what you guys think, i dont want to waste peoples time with a story they dont like!


	5. Five

When they were younger, Charles can remember Raven being the strong one. He remembers how she would stand up to their mother, how she would fight her drunken boyfriends when they tried to pick on Charles. He can still recall that feeling of inexpressible gratitude, over-whelming and threatening to consume him. The way she would hold him and sometimes even cry with him, their bodies pressed against one another as close as possible, damp cheeks touching as Raven swore to him that she would _fix everything_ , as soon as she turned eighteen.

For a while she did. When they first moved to New York, their lives had seemed shiny and bright and _new_ and Charles can remember his excitement. The day they had found the apartment had also been the day Raven had been offered her first gig at her old bar. They had bought a bottle of wine each that night and had danced around the bare kitchen, their arms wound around one another as they screamed power-ballads drunkenly. Charles had woken the next morning with the most god-awful hangover and he had rolled onto his side to face Raven and just couldn’t stop smiling as he watched her sleep, because she had _saved_ them.

All her life, she had sacrificed herself at the hands of their mother’s aggression, even when most of it was aimed at Charles. She would come forward and hold herself still as he slapped her time and time again. And Charles simply cowered behind her, his blue eyes wide and tearful as he tried to find the words to tell them both to just _stop_. So, Charles made the ultimate sacrifice for her; he declined Oxford’s offer to allow him study and live in England whilst undertaking his degree in genetics and instead decided to move to New York with Raven so she could pursue _her_ dream. He quickly got accepted into NYU and studied history, paying for everything out of the _fortune_ they had inherited when their mother died. 

Everything had seemed perfect. For a long time, Charles thinks, they actually were.

But then in their second year, Raven met cocaine.

 

.

 

“Charles? Did you write that report on the centurion celebration for World War One?” Moira calls from the doorway of his office.

Charles shakes himself out of his daze and offers her most disarming smile.

“Afraid not. I got distracted.”

Moira pulls a face but the look in her eyes is a fond one. She saunters across the office, her hips swaying as she shakes her head at him. He watches as she perches herself on the edge of his desk, her tight, red skirt riding up as she does so.

“May I ask what it is that distracted you?” she teases, leaning across and moving his fringe out of his eyes.

Charles grins lopsidedly and tilts his head to the side.

“Would you believe me if I told you it was your arse in that skirt?”

Moira laughs loudly at this and pushes Charles’ face away gently. 

“Whilst I have longed for you to notice my behind for _months_ , I would hate to have to be the one to break it Logan that I have finally turned you straight.” She jokes.

Charles just smiles at this and leans back in his chair. He had their date tonight. _With_ Raven and Erik. That wasn’t what was making him dread the evening. No. He was dreading Logan’s observant and perceptive eyes meeting his and seeing straight away that Charles really had no interest in dating anyone.

“You’re still okay for tonight, aren’t you?” Moira asks anxiously and maybe Logan wasn’t the only observant one.

Charles wants to tell her that he’s not. He wants to tell her that he dreads and hates every date that she ever tries to set up for him. He can’t though because that would mean explaining _why_ and Hank and Raven were the only two people on the planet who knew why he was so reluctant.

“Of course.” He says after a pause that is much too long to be anything but pregnant with things unsaid.

Moira appears to struggle with something before she offers Charles a grateful smile.

“Thanks. He _needs_ this, you know?”

Charles simply nods and covers one of Moira’s tanned hands with his own.

“I know.”

 

.

 

Raven lies on Charles’ bed in her underwear and watches as he stomps around the room, desperately looking for something to wear. She hides her smirk behind her hand as Charles tears off his fifth shirt and makes a growling sound under his breath.

“You know, I haven’t seen you get this nervous since Tony…” She points out smugly.

Charles winces at the mention of his name and shoots Raven a look over his shoulder. She meets his warning gaze with a bold look and raises her eyebrows.

“I’m only saying.” She sighs, rolling onto her back and kicking her legs up into the air.

Charles turns away from her and looks through his wardrobe miserably. He simply had _nothing_ to wear. They were going to a nice Italian that Raven adores and the dress code was fairly formal. He folds his arms across his chest and wonders what _Erik_ would possibly wear. Charles has never seen him in anything but a t-shirt, jeans and his favourite leather jacket.

“What are you wearing?” Charles asks Raven.

Raven stops cupping her breasts and shrugs.

“I don’t know. Probably that black velvet dress that you got me last Christmas.”

Charles hums thoughtfully. They _were_ getting dressed up then. That dress was the only thing Raven owned that went past her knees. In the end he picks up a light blue shirt that brought out his eyes and pairs it with one of his tighter pair of black trousers. Raven nods approvingly as he puts the outfit on.

“Perfect. _Neither_ of them will be able to take their eyes off you.” She teases lightly.

Charles glances at her uncertainly, cursing the blush that was slowly creeping into his cheeks. Raven simply giggles and rolls her eyes.

“It was a _joke_ , Charles. Jesus, relax.”

She stretches out on the bed and crosses her long, tanned legs. Her blonde hair was spread out behind her like some kind of cascading waterfall and Charles is struck by just how _glorious_ she was. She was a goddess and he could see without any real difficulty just what Erik was attracted to. 

“Stop looking at my belly!” Raven suddenly snaps self-consciously, throwing the blankets over her bare stomach. 

“Put on some clothes then.” Charles orders with sigh.

Raven glances at him mournfully.

“You think I’ve gotten fat, don’t you?” She exclaims.

Charles simply laughs and shakes his head.

“Raven, get dressed. We’re going to be late.”

 

.

 

Unsurprisingly, they _are_ late. Raven had taken forever to get dressed and then they couldn’t get a cab so were forced to take the subway. Charles glances at his watch anxiously as they wait for their train. They’re already five minutes late and he would really, _really_ , appreciate it if they could keep the amount of time Erik and Logan were alone together to a minimum. He blasts out a quick text, explaining where they were and sends it to Logan. He sighs as he puts his phone away and looks up to see Raven dangling over the edge of the platform, the toes of her heels balancing on nothing.

“Stop.” Charles orders as he grabs her arm and pulls her backwards.

Raven grins at him over her shoulder and flicks her long, flaxen hair over her shoulder.

“Do you ever wonder what it would be like to just _fall_ though?” She ponders, liking her arm through Charles’.

“Painful.” He mutters.

“But freeing. Imagine just slipping into blackness and never waking again? Just one, long dreamless sleep.” She says wistfully.

Charles feels his chest tighten and he looks away. Raven steps closer and leans her head on his shoulder and he can smell her perfume and the familiarity of it eases the pain constricting his heart. He turns his head towards her and noses his way through her hair hungrily, inhaling deeply as he does so.

“Promise me you would never.” He croaks.

He feels the curve of her smile against his shoulder and the slight shake of her head.

“I would never… Not after what _you_ did. I would never put you through how you made me feel that day.” She promises quietly.

Charles stiffens against her and inhales sharply, a blush creeping up the back of his neck.

“I never _tried_ to-”

“But you almost did.” Raven cuts across him.

She pulls out of their embrace and looks at him anxiously, her white teeth nibbling on her bottom lip. She blinks at him slowly, her brows furrowing and Charles _knows_ what’s coming.

“You promise _me_ that-”

“Raven.” Charles snaps quietly. “It was an accident. _Please._ ”

She can hear the crack in his voice so she falls silent. She sighs as they link arms again and burrows closer to him, her nose touching the exposed skin of his neck.

“I just never want to lose you.” She says softly. “You’re my everything.”

 

.

 

They make it to the restaurant a half hour late. 

“You’re late.” Erik remarks calmly as they take their seats.

“An Xavier is never late. They arrive precisely when they intend to.” Raven teases as she takes a seat to the left of Erik. 

Logan is to his right so that leaves Charles with no option but to sit opposite the man. He offers Logan an apologetic smile as he takes his seat.

“We are so _desperately_ sorry! We couldn’t get a cab and had to take the subway and-”

“It’s fine, Chuck.” Logan says with an easy smile. “Lehnsherr and I had plenty to talk about.”

Charles glances at Erik who simply bares his teeth at Logan in a way that is frankly terrifying. Raven frowns and tries to pulls his lips down over his teeth gently.

“What have I told you about that serial killer smile of yours.” She mutters.

Erik’s grin softens and he licks at her fingers playfully. Charles clears his throat quietly and turns to Logan.

“Shall I get us all something to drink?” he offers.

“I’ll get them.” Logan decides, getting to his feet quickly and Charles can see that he has dressed for the occasion. 

He smiles gratefully and orders his drink. Raven and Erik follow suit and Logan heads to the bar. Once he is gone, Charles exhales and shoots Raven a pleading look.

“Please don’t get drunk.” He asks quietly.

Raven looks mildly offended at this.

“Tell yourself that, Mr. Oh-Yes-Of-Course-I-Can-Handle-A-Litre-Of-Gin-And-Twenty-Shots-Of-Tequila.” She snorts.

Erik snickers at this and Charles shoots him a look. Erik shrugs as their eyes meet and it is only that Charles realizes that he is wearing a crisp white shirt that emphasized his amazing body. He allows his eyes to roam up and down his arms and across his marvelous chest, his mouth going dry as he does so. He licks his lips unconsciously and is woken out of his daze by Raven kicking him under the table.

“Hey. Eye-fuck your own date.” 

Charles flushes furiously at this and looks away from them both, wanting more than anything to bury his head in his hands.

“It’s alright, Charles; I don’t mind.” Erik teases lightly.

“That’s because you’d let anything fuck you.” Raven mutters and there is the unmistakable twang of bitterness sharpening her words.

When Logan returns with his gin, Charles downs it in one. The man raises his eyebrows and goes to stand again.

“Will…do you want another one?” he asks in surprise.

Charles wipes his mouth with the back of his hand and nods. 

“Yes, please.”

“What happened to not getting drunk?” Erik mutters as Logan walks away.

“Fuck off.” Charles breathes, not once looking at him.

 

.

 

The dinner goes surprisingly well after Charles’ fifth gin. Logan turns out to be a most charming man, even if a little rough around the edges. Charles can see out of the corner of his eye that Raven is smitten. She leans across the table for most of the dinner and chats away animatedly to him, clearly liking how blunt and honest he is. Erik seems more wary of him than anything else but still, he is nothing if not polite. Once they finish with their dessert, Charles claps his hands together and looks around at the group excitedly.

“How about we take this to a bar?” he asks and he _prays_ that Raven can see that he is stalling.

Because soon he will be expected to kiss Logan and perhaps, invite him home for the night. And Charles thinks that he may indeed want that but he also _knows_ that he needs a lot more alcohol in system before he can even begin to imagine having sex. Erik regards him curiously before nodding.

“I’m game.” He says quietly.

Raven makes a face and pouts slightly.

“I can’t go out after _that_ dinner. I look like a whale when I’m digesting.” She sighs.

Logan laughs at that and shakes his head.

“Like fuck you do. Cmon. Chuck is obviously set on drinking us all under the table, let him have his glory.”

And that is how Charles ends up down an alley with his pants around his ankles, receiving one of the best blowjobs of his life. He doesn’t know if it’s the alcohol coursing throw his veins or the fact that it has almost been a year since anyone has touched him there, but he throws his head back and moans as loudly as can, lost in the sensations of it all. He runs his hands through their hair and looks down, loving how perfect their mouth looks as they slowly take him deeper and deeper, pushing him over the edge.

“Oh, _Christ_.” Charles whines as he reaches his climax.

They swallow his semen appreciatively, still licking and sucking his sensitive member in a way that makes him buck his hips jerkily. When they finally pull away, Charles meets unfamiliar blue eyes. He blinks blearily and offers the man a lopsided smile.

“You’re quite marvelous, did you know that?” he mutters as he bends down to pull up his trousers.

“I don’t usually do this.” The blonde haired man laughs and Charles steps forward, pushing their lips together hungrily.

The man winds his strong arms around him almost protectively and pins Charles against the wall behind them. They kiss almost feverishly, their tongues sliding against one another desperately and it’s _filthy_ , with Charles moaning obscenely and thrusting against the other man.

“What the _fuck_?” A shrill voice demands, causing Charles to tear himself away from the beautiful mouth in front of him.

He glances to his left and can make out the blurry outline of Raven’s figure. She marches over towards them and tells the other man to fuck off. He does so reluctantly and Charles feels cold when he’s gone and that’s when he realizes that he has lost his coat and scarf.

“What the Hell are you doing?” Raven demands as she pulls Charles back inside. “Did you forget that you have a _date_ waiting for you inside or something?”

Charles tries to pull out of her grip but he is unsteady on his feet and Raven has the unfair advantage of being one hundred percent sober. She leads him back to the table and throws him down beside Erik.

“Please keep an eye on him. I’m going to tell Logan I’ve found him.” She orders before stalking off across the busy dance floor in pursuit of Charles’ neglected date.

Charles exhales loudly and allows his head to loll to the side so that he is facing Erik. The older man raises his eyebrows and sniffs.

“You smell like sex.” He comments casually.

Charles shrugs and doesn’t say anything. Erik leans closer, his mouth almost pressing against his ear, his breath hot and ticklish and Charles wriggles closer despite himself.

“Are you going to bring him home?” he asks quietly.

“Who?” 

“Logan.” Erik breathes and Charles can feel the press of his lips against his jawline, slowly moving down his neck.

“Not if you don’t want me to.” Charles hears himself say and the small part of his brain that is functioning freezes.

Erik stills as well and pulls away, his eyes clouded with something that Charles doesn’t recognize. The younger man blinks owlishly and leans forward, pressing their lips together sloppily. Charles is terribly drunk and it is an awful kiss but Erik pushes back into it eagerly, his fists clenched at his sides as he tries to control himself. The kiss is brief because Erik at least has the sense to realize that Raven isn’t far away and neither are they very well secluded.

“Do you want me to bring him home?” Charles asks, his eyes unfocused as he watches Erik intently.

Erik is torn, even in his drunken state Charles can see that and he wants to ask why. He wants to know why Erik would be so uncertain. The taller man tucks a strand of Charles’ hair behind his ear and offers him a gentle smile, the gentlest Charles has ever seen on his face.

“I want you to do what you want.” He says softly.

“I want you to kiss me again.” Charles demands.

Erik snorts and regards Charles fondly.

“And I will, happily. When you tell me that sober.”

 

.

 

When Charles wakes up the next morning it is in Raven’s bed and covered in his own vomit. He groans as the alarm on his phone beeps, indicating that it was time to get up and go for his morning run. He turns on his side and sees that Raven is asleep beside him, her arm draped across his waist protectively. She stirs as she hears the alarm and makes a soft moaning sound.

“Turn the fucking thing off, Charles.” She hisses.

Charles fumbles with his phone for a moment before managing to turn it on silent. He sighs loudly and nudges her with his foot, his vision swimming as his throbbing brain tries to absorb the light in the room.

“What happened last night?” he croaks and his mouth tastes like something died in it.

Raven chuckles into her pillow and makes a low whistling sound.

“You don’t even want to know.” 

Charles frowns and runs a hand across his face.

“Was I that bad?”

Raven laughs again.

“Remember the first Christmas we had here and we decided to go out Christmas Eve and you ended blowing that guy on the dance floor in front of like a hundred people? Yeah, that seems pretty tame to how you behaved last night.” She teases.

Charles whines sharply.

“Logan…?”

“Well, you disappeared on him to get some kid to blow you in alley which was bad enough but then you decided to keep telling him that you weren’t ready for sex and that you needed time after Tony and-”

Charles sits up the bed, a horrified expression on his face.

“I didn’t…please, tell me I didn’t…” he gasps and he feels as if the wind has been knocked from him.

Raven finally opens her eyes and nods slowly.

“You kind of did.” She says softly. “I tried to stop you but you kept telling them that they needed to know.”

Charles tucks his knees under his chin and lets out a short, sharp scream. His head was spinning and his eyes were beginning to prickle with tears of frustration and humiliation. Raven sits up behind him and rest one warm hand on his back, rubbing it in soothing circles. He begins to shake and he chokes back the lump in his throat determinedly. He doesn’t _deserve_ to feel the relief of his tears, not after what he has done to himself.

“How…how did they-”

“It doesn’t matter.” She insists quietly. “What they think doesn’t matter. It’s fine. It’s all fine.”

 

.

 

Charles tries his hardest to avoid Moira all day. He hides in Hanks office for as long as he can but she finds him at lunchtime, a thoroughly unimpressed look on her face.

“Are you two avoiding me?” she demands as she pulls up a seat beside them.

Hank shrugs.

“We’ve just been really busy.” He lies smoothly.

Moira raises her eyebrows even more before looking pointedly at Charles.

“So. Your date was a disaster last night.” She states.

Charles winces and nods slowly.

“I’m sorry, Moira, I really hadn’t intended on getting quite so drunk and-”

“And Logan says you are probably the loveliest yet most unavailable person he has ever met.” Moira laughs, her face relaxing as she smiles at him. “I told him he had _no idea_. Been trying you for years.” 

Charles lets go of the breath he hadn’t realized he was holding and smiles at her gratefully.

“You’re not mad?” he says quietly.

Moira scoffs at him and waves a dismissive hand in his direction.

“Why would I be mad? I just want _you_ to be happy.”

 

.

 

Charles walks the long way home that evening. He doesn’t want to go home to Raven, not yet, not after his meltdown this morning. He breathes in the cold November air and lets it fill his lungs. The sounds of the city soothe him and he allows himself to become lost in the sound of traffic and people talking, bustling past, always busy, always needing to be somewhere else. He absorbs himself in the sounds around him, so much so that he almost misses the sound of a familiar voice. He glances to the left as he hears the voice, loud and angry. He walks towards the deli and listens closely, realizing that the voice was coming from inside the alley between two stores. He presses himself against the wall tries to make out what is being said.

“… _fucking_ money. You know the drill by now just…”

And Charles knows that it is Erik speaking; sounding angrier than he has ever heard him before.

“....get it much cheaper somewhere else….”

“….get it somewhere else then! Don’t unzip your fly and tell me that some other faggot can…”

“…letting you know that you’re losing customers because of how…”

“….fuck off, okay? Just go fuck yourself.”

Charles doesn’t move quickly enough and soon Erik is at the mouth of the alley, his face pinched and pale looking. He freezes when he sees Charles pretending to peruse the window of the deli, his jaw clenching tightly.

“What are you doing on this side of town?” he demands, pushing his damp hair back off his face.

Charles glances at him and tries to look surprised to see him.

“Oh. I felt like going for a walk.” He mutters.

“In the dark?” Erik says doubtfully as he rummages around in his jacket pockets for his cigarettes. “It’s dangerous-”

“I’m a fully grown man. I’m more than capable of taking care of myself.” Charles argues and the look Erik gives him tells him he doesn’t believe him.

“Want me to walk you home?” he offers, the cigarette dangling from his mouth in way that shouldn’t be attractive but is.

Charles shrugs.

“If you like.”

They walk in silence and Erik’s argument from the alley swirls around in his mind uncomfortably. Erik was obviously selling _something_ and Charles doesn’t know which is worse; drugs or his body. He glances at the taller man frequently as they walk and he can see that Erik is on edge, his eyes are sharp and somewhere far away and his fists are clenched by his side.

“Erik-”

“Why did you let him hurt you?” he suddenly asks, his voice hard and accusing. “Why did you stay with him?”

And Charles doesn’t need to ask who Erik is talking about. He feels his stomach drop and he buries his hands deep in his pockets, clenching his fists as hard as he can.

“I don’t want to talk about it.” He says softly.

Erik snorts impatiently. 

“Why didn’t you hurt him back? Why did-”

“Because I thought I loved him.” Charles hisses, spinning around and facing Erik furiously. 

His blue eyes are hot and violent looking and Charles can’t remember the last time he felt so angry. Erik glares down at him, his expression guarded. 

“The people you love aren’t _supposed_ to hurt you.” He growls quietly.

Charles laughs bitterly at this.

“That’s where you’re wrong. All they do is hurt you.” He snaps.

Erik shakes his head violently. 

“You’re not supposed to say that, Charles! You’re the perfect one, you’re the one-”

“I’m _not_ perfect!” Charles yells, causing people to turn and stare at them. “I am _not_ bloody perfect, Erik.”

The taller man glares at those who have turned to look and takes a step closer to Charles, wrapping one hand around his wrist, his eyes wide and imploring.

“You are.” He insists quietly. “You’re an _angel_ , Charles. And I’ll kill him for hurting you, do you hear me? I will _skin_ him.”

And Charles believes every word he says. He feels all of the anger ebb away slowly, his body relaxing under Erik’s gaze. 

“I want you to kiss me now.” Charles breathes, his eyes locked on Erik’s.

Erik lowers his mouth and does as he is told and Charles knows as soon as their mouths press together that he has fallen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Why are you people so sweet?
> 
> Your comments an kudos mean the world!   
> Thank you all dearly!


	6. Six

Charles only allows Erik walk him as far as the corner of his apartment block because the very last thing he wants is for Raven to see them. After they had broken apart from their kiss, they had spent the rest of their walk in silence, both of them eyeing the other nervously from time to time. Because this was it, wasn’t it? Neither of them had an excuse anymore. They were both one hundred percent sober and one hundred percent willing. Neither of them were under any illusion as to what the other wanted but the question they were both afraid to ask was _what about Raven?_

“I’m good here.” Charles finally mutters, as he takes a step away from Erik.

Erik offers him a small smirk.

“Sure you don’t want me to walk you to your door?” he teases lightly.

Charles glances at him and feels himself smile, despite everything.

“I think I can manage.” He jokes.

Charles goes to step away but finds that he can’t. Erik’s steely eyes are boring into his intensely and Charles can see the question forming itself on the tip of his tongue.

“Can I kiss you?” 

Charles forces himself to look away and shakes his head minutely.

“If Raven sees…” he breathes.

Erik clears his throat loudly and Charles can see him nodding out of the corner of his eye. They both remain still for a moment longer, both of them silently willing the other to make the first move.

“Can I kiss you somewhere she won’t see?” Erik persists.

Charles frowns slightly and gives Erik a bemused look.

“And where might that be?” he chuckles.

“My place.” Erik says quietly. “Come over later.”

Charles feels his breath catch in his throat. He looks away from him slowly and shakes his head ever so slightly.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea, my friend.” He says softly.

Erik opens his mouth and looks as if he wants to argue but he stops himself. Instead, he gives Charles a gentle smile and a nod of his head.

“Okay.”

“Okay.” Charles whispers, before turning on his heel and making his way home.

 

.

 

“Where the hell were you?” Raven calls from the living room as soon as Charles has stepped inside the door. 

He toes off his loafers and unbuttons his jacket slowly, giving himself some time to simply gather himself and _breathe_. He pads down the hallway and sniffs at the air appreciatively as he nears the kitchen.

“You haven’t actually gone and cooked me a meal, have you?” Charles exclaims as he steps onto the cool kitchen tiles.

The table was set for two and sure enough there was a pan of curry simmering away on the cooker. The kitchen was also immaculately clean, something that shocked Charles. He glances around the room before beaming at Raven.

“If you tell me that this is for _Erik_ , I will slay you where you lie.” He warns as he rubs his stomach hungrily.

Raven grins at him over her shoulder, her eyes sparkling brightly.

“It’s for you and I. We haven’t had a night together in _ages_.”

Charles sighs happily at this and unbuttons the top few buttons of his shirt. He had been craving a homemade meal for a long time. He pours them both a glass of chilled white wine as Raven gets to her feet and begins to dish out their meal.

“Bhuna.” She announces proudly as she hands Charles the steaming bowl.

Charles makes an obscene moaning sound and flashes Raven a grateful smile.

“Thank you so much, darling. I am positively famished.”

They eat their meal on the sofa, both of them curled up underneath one of Raven’s furry blankets. The food tastes even better than it smells and Charles praises it the whole way throughout the meal. Raven accepts the praise willingly and nods in agreement.

“That was pretty fucking good, wasn’t it?” She sighs as she places her empty plate on the glass table opposite them.

Charles scrapes his fork along the delicate porcelain and nods enthusiastically.

“Absolutely. Your best yet.” He declares passionately.

Raven wriggles into the sofa happily and curls herself around her glass of wine. They sit in companionable silence for a while longer, both of them watching the television lazily, completely and utterly content. It reminds Charles of when they first moved into the apartment. Most nights they would sit in and cook for each other and simply enjoy each other’s company. That all changed, of course, as they both began to make friends and branch away from each other a little. But still. Charles misses those days. He moves closer along the sofa until he manages to wrap one arm around his younger sister’s shoulders. Raven smiles softly at this and folds herself against him, resting her head on his shoulder as she always does.

“Tell me how you’re feeling.” She says quietly.

“Happy.” Charles answers honestly.

“You’re not lonely?” She pushes, her eyes still fixed on the television.

Charles glances at her before shaking his head.

“I assure you I am perfectly…content.” He says decidedly.

Raven sighs and presses her nose against the skin of his neck.

“I just don’t want you to be _alone_ , you know? I know we have each other but…we can’t be each other’s everything, right?”

Charles shivers a little at her breath against his neck and nods, understanding completely. Because they were brother and sister; they were siblings and best friends and closer than lovers but they _couldn’t_ ever be each other’s lovers. 

“Don’t worry about me.” Charles sighs. “I’ll be fine.”

Raven sneaks an arm across his chest and pulls him closer.

“If I _ever_ get my hands on Tony St-”

“It’s not his fault.” Charles says automatically.

Because that was what he always used to say. After every argument, every bit of emotional manipulation and physical abuse, Charles would turn around and blame himself, adamant that it couldn’t possibly have been his fault.

“He fucked you up.” Rave snarls fiercely.

“Our parents fucked me up.” Charles snorts. “I was screwed long before Tony met me.”

“That’s not true.” Raven argues. “You were always in and out of relationships before him. You had so much fun, Charles, I just want you to-”

“The relationships never lasted because I’m so screwed, Raven!” Charles chuckles. “I thought Tony was going to save me.”

Raven falls silent for a moment before pulling out of their embrace; her brows furrowed as she sits up and faces Charles.

“What do you mean?” She asks slowly.

“I mean, I thought Tony was going to change my life for me. I put too much into the relationship. I’m not saying what he did wasn’t wrong but I do acknowledge that my unrealistic goals had something to do with it.” He sighs.

Raven pushes a hand through her hair and frowns deeper, sucking her bottom lip into her mouth and exhaling sharply through her nose.

“I do _that_. I keep thinking I’m going to find some guy who is going to fix everything for me.” She breathes.

Charles quirks his eyebrows and looks at her uncertainly.

“Even Erik?”

Raven glances up at him before laughing.

“ _No_ , Charles. Not Erik. He’s more fucked up than the both of us.” She giggles.

“But then, why-”

“Am I still with him if he can’t fix everything?” She questions with a raised brow.

Charles nods.

“Because he’s _like_ us. He gets it. You know, his mother used to-”

Charles shakes his head quickly and Raven falls silent.

“I don’t want to know. It is none of my business.” He says firmly.

Raven shrugs and gives Charles a half-smile.

“He wouldn’t mind you knowing. He likes you. He said that I was lucky to have you.”

Charles flushes a little at this and forces a small smile.

“Well, he’s right isn’t he? Imagine your life without me!”

“At one point, I nearly didn’t have to.” Raven says so quietly that Charles has to strain to hear it and then he wishes he hadn’t because _how_ did they end up back here?

“Raven, I don’t-”

“Want to talk about it, I know. But just swear to me that sometimes you’ll let me be the strong one? When we were younger you were always the one to hold _my_ hand!” She urges.

Charles sniffs and regards her coolly.

“When we were younger, you weren’t a drug addict.”

 

.

 

That night, there is a thunderstorm and Charles cowers beneath his blankets, terrified. He whimpers with each roll of thunder and winces when the bright lightning cracks outside his window. After their earlier altercation, he is surprised when Raven decides to join him, her own blanket draped around her shoulders like some kind of cape.

“Move over.” She orders calmly as she slides into the bed beside him.

Charles does as he is told and curls into her instinctively. Raven holds him close and hums a gentle tune quietly, lulling Charles to sleep almost against his will.

“I’m sorry.” He whispers, his eyes heavy and his breathing soft. “I didn’t mean what I said.”

“You did.” Raven says with a tight squeeze. “But it’s okay; it was the truth.”

 

.

 

“Chuck?”

Charles looks up from his laptop and his eyes widen as he takes in Logan standing in his door, his hair swept to the side casually. He offers Charles a warm grin and leans against the door frame.

“Do you want me to just walk away and pretend this never happened?” he offers as he takes in Charles’ shocked expression.

Charles splutters at this and shakes his head adamantly.

“Oh gosh, no! I’m just rather surprised to see you is all.” Charles finally manages to say, getting to his feet a little unsteadily.

Logan grins even wider and steps inside the office, kicking the door closed behind him.

“I just wanted to drop by and let you know that tonight is my last night in town and your sister has invited me to her opening show tonight so I thought I’d see if that was alright with you-”

Charles raises a hand to silence him. Logan shuts his mouth abruptly and drags a hand through his hair, exhaling sharply with frustration.

“I’m not usually the rambling asshole; you just make me fucking _nervous_.” He laughs self-consciously.

Charles allows himself a small smile and shrugs his shoulders innocently.

“If it is any comfort; I am not doing it intentionally.” 

Logan licks his lips and nods. Charles simply watches him for a moment and wonders _why_. Logan is a positively charming, ruggedly handsome, kind, warm-hearted and _available_ human being. Why was Charles so intent on having his sister’s boyfriend instead? 

“Can I ask you something?” Charles ponders, perching himself on the edge of his desk.

Logan nods.

“Sure, bub.”

“Do you think we choose who we fall in love with?”

Logan blinks at him uncertainly before clearing his throat gruffly.

“No.” He grunts quietly.

“Neither do I.” Charles says thoughtfully. “And yet we are blamed for it if it is inappropriate, are we not?”

Logan furrows his brows and gives a slight shrug.

“I guess people expect us to control ourselves; keep ourselves in check.” He points out.

Charles half-smiles, his eyes sad.

“They do, don’t they? We all expect _so_ much from one another, it is no wonder we’re bitterly disappointed with life.”

“We are?” Logan teases, taking a step closer to Charles. “Not all of us are disappointed, Chuck.”

“That’s because no one important enough has failed you yet.” Charles says firmly, looking Logan in the eye calmly.

The darker man seems to struggle for a moment, his eyes narrowing as he watches Charles unhappily.

“I know you probably don’t want to talk about it, but if I _ever_ get my hands on Tony I will cut him.” He promises.

Charles tilts his head to side almost playfully.

“But you hardly know me.” He argues lightly.

Logan shrugs, a small flush working its way across his cheeks.

“I know you’re a good person with a big heart. And I know that no one deserves what you’ve gone through.” He insists gently.

Charles turns his face away, a dark smile twisting his lips. 

“Don’t say that.” He pleads. “I’ve done things that-”

But they are interrupted by the opening of the door. Hank steps in and blinks uncertainly between them, obviously sensing the emotionally charged atmosphere.

“I can come back…?” He offers weakly.

Charles jumps from the desk and plasters his best smile across his face.

“Nonsense! We were simply discussing Raven’s show! You’re coming tonight, aren’t you?” he exclaims, brushing down the front of his trousers busily.

Hank nods.

“Sure thing.”

“And you, Logan? You know that you are most welcome.” Charles says warmly, throwing him a grateful look.

Logan nods slowly. 

“I’ll see you there, Chuck.”

 

.

 

When Charles returns home, Raven has already left to prepare for her show. Charles is relieved and potters about the apartment happily, winding down and preparing himself for the festivities of the night. He puts on one of his more expensive shirts and pairs it with a pair of dark trousers that are perhaps, a little too snug. He spends an almost an hour on his hair, carefully parting it and shaping it with precision. A knock on the door tells him that it is time to leave and so he pulls on his black jacket and makes his way up the hallway. He opens the door to Hank, Moira and Logan and offers them a warm smile.

“Are we ready, my friends?” he enquires as he steps outside and closes the door behind him.

They are all very well-dressed and Charles finds himself looking forward to the night. He links arms with Moira and they set off. It doesn’t take them long to reach the club, the cool night air and brisk walk making them thirsty for something warm and strong. At the door, a tall, bearded man stops them, a stern look on his face.

“Names.” He orders.

“Xavier, MacTagger, McCoy and-”

“Table number one, front and centre.” The man cuts across, handing Charles a small card with their names on it.

Charles runs his hand over the thick, cream paper and smiles as Moira giggles in his ear.

“Oh, my _God_. Raven has really stepped up in the world!”

Once they have made their way inside the plush building, they find that Angel, Alex and Erik are already at the table. Charles feels his heart skip a beat as Erik rises from his seat and holds out a chair to Charles. Moira furrows her brows but Erik simply winks at her.

“Need to keep my future in-law sweet.” He chuckles.

Hank smiles at this but Moira ignores him and goes to take the seat at the other side of Charles. As Charles goes to sit, he feels Erik’s hand run down his back and rest just for a second too long on the swell of his arse. He glances at the older man warningly, but Erik was too busy leaning forward and complimenting Logan on his ability to find a clean shirt for the evening. Logan just sighs and rubs at the corner of his mouth.

“You get a little something right there.” He says in a bored voice, pointing at the corner of Erik’s lips.

Erik rubs at his lips self-consciously and sends Logan a bewildered look.

“Is it gone?” he demands, rubbing at his imagined dirt.

“Nope. Looks like semen.” Logan says matter-of-factly as he picks up the menu before him. “You let some randomer cum in your mouth again, Lehnsherr? I hope he paid well.”

The group snicker a little at this but Charles shifts in his seat uncomfortably as he feels Erik stiffen beside him. Erik clears his throat loudly before snapping his attention towards the stage, his face pale and pinched. Charles reaches out one consoling hand but Erik slaps it away viciously, not seeming to care that the others noticed. 

“Hm. Seem to have struck a bone.” Logan marvels, his eyes never leaving the menu. “Sorry, bub. Didn’t mean to offend, I just-”

“Logan, stop.” Charles says quietly, drawing the attention of the group on himself. 

“Yeah.” Angel agrees. “It’s no fun when he doesn’t react.”

Erik suddenly snaps his mouth open to speak when the lights dim around them. He reluctantly falls silent and shifts in his seat so that he is facing the stage. Charles follows suit and it doesn’t take long for Erik to reach back, one hand slipping into his. Charles manoeuvres his body a little in order to block this from Moira’s sight and leans forward so that his chin is almost resting on Erik’s shoulder.

“Too obvious?” he teases softly as Erik sits a little further away.

“Too tempting.” Erik replies, his voice low and hot.

Charles feels himself blush lightly at his words. He goes to pull his hand away but Erik holds on tightly. He keeps Charles’ hand in his for the entirety of Raven’s performance, which was absolutely mesmerizing. Her gold, sequined dress made her shine like some kind of beacon, her golden hair framing her face beautifully and her blue eyes sparkling as she sang. Charles was enchanted by her and found himself leaning against Erik for support as he watched her piece.

“She’s spectacular.” He breathed against the back of Erik’s neck.

“Not nearly as much as you.” Erik mutters out of the corner of his mouth. 

Charles feels the curve of his own smile pressed against Erik’s shoulder and shakes his head.

“Stop.”

Erik turns his head so that Charles may take in his side profile. The rest of the group were watching Raven avidly, each of their faces shining with delight and awe at her performance. Charles looks up at the man before him and quirks an eyebrow.

“What?” he demands quietly.

“Stay with me tonight.” Erik urges. “ _Please_.”

Charles sneaks a glance across the table at Logan and hates that the man is looking right at them, a resigned look on his face. Charles slips his hand out of Erik’s and shakes his head gently.

“No.” he murmurs as Raven finishes her last song.

The crowd around them stands as Erik turns to face him, a hurt look on his face.

“Why _not_?” he pushes as the group cheers and whistles.

Out of the corner of his eyes, Charles can see Raven beaming and bowing, her face radiant as she takes in the adoring crowd of almost two hundred seated around them.

“Not yet, Erik-”

“We don’t have to do anything.” Erik promises, leaning into Charles’ personal space. “We can just share my bed, I swear to you-”

“Erik, please.” Charles mutters, an embarrassed flush spreading across his face.

Because both of Erik’s hands were on his thighs and their faces were pressed so close together that Angel and Alex were beginning to look back at them suspiciously. Charles goes to push his hands away but Erik’s grip tightens.

“I _need_ you tonight, Charles, I need to feel-”

Erik stops speaking when Logan leans across the table and shoves Erik’s shoulder.

“He told you no, now back off.” Logan growls fiercely.

Now, Alex and Angel were openly staring, as were Hank and Moira. Charles raises one placating hand to Logan’s chest and pushes at him gently.

“It is quite alright, Logan. He is simply excited about Raven.” Charles lies easily.

Logan raises his eyebrows at this but returns to his seat, his eyes hot and vicious as he eyes Erik unhappily. Erik leans back in his own chair, a guarded expression on his face as he watches Charles. Charles tries to ignore the blush staining his cheeks and looks at Erik apologetically.

"I'm sorry. I am but tonight is _her_ night." he whispers.

Erik's eyes flash dangerously before he nods stiffly.

"I understand." he says, his voice clipped and his back straight.

The crowd has begun to quieten a little so Charles sits back in his chair, hating the looks Moira was sending his way. He reaches across for the menu opposite him and scans the drinks list, wondering what would get him the most drunk. He gaze lingers over the triple gin shot when he feels Erik press himself against his side.

"I would never hurt you or make you do anything you don't to. I simply want to _be_ with you."

Charles inhales deeply and squeezes his eyes shut.

"Not tonight, not on her big night. She'll want to be with you." he mutters.

He hears Erik's laugh, deep and dark next to his ear.

"She'll be sleeping with Sebastian tonight. Her contract dictates as much."


	7. Seven

Charles blinks at Erik slowly, allowing his statement to sink in. The noise around him dulls slightly and all he can hear is his own unsteady breathing. He feels a hand on his shoulder, shaking him gently and he knows that it is Moira, her long red nails scraping him. Erik’s bitter face seems to have softened and he is leaning closer to Charles, a concerned look on his face. His mouth is moving but Charles can’t make out the words. He shrugs his shoulder viciously out of Moira’s grip and gets to his feet, albeit a little shakily. Erik is standing now as well, one of his large hands wrapping themselves around Charles’ bicep and pulling at him desperately. 

“Let me go.” Charles bites out, low and dark and _furious_.

Out of the corner of his eye he can see Logan getting ready for a fight; his eyes narrowed and fixed on Erik determinedly. Erik does as he is told and lets his hand drop to his side.

“Charles, please, don’t do anything-”

“My sister is _selling herself_ , Erik. You of all people should understand what-”

“Shut up.” Erik snaps suddenly, pushing away the placating hand Alex had placed on his shoulder. “You have _no idea_ what I should or shouldn’t understand!”

Charles takes a step closer to the smaller man and looks up at him defiantly, his chin raised and his jaw set.

“If you cared about her, you wouldn’t have let this happen.” He spits before turning on his heel and pushing his way through the crowd. 

He can hear Moira and Logan calling after him, telling him to wait but Charles ignores them, crossing the sea of people quickly and efficiently. He makes it to the side of the stage and searches for Emma Frost impatiently. She appears after a few seconds and raises her eyebrows at Charles in surprise.

“Can I help you Mr. Xavier?” She asks politely.

“I want to see Raven.” Charles answers firmly.

Emma smirks ever-so-slightly and shakes her head sweetly.

“I’m afraid that’s not possible at the moment. She’s winding down in one of the upstairs suites. She told me to tell you that you shouldn’t wait up.”

"She told me to come meet her afterwards." Charles lies smoothly.

Emma gives him an exasperated look and shakes her head once again.

"That simply isn't true. Raven knows that she has certain... _obligations_ to take care of before she can go home or have visitors." Emma says with an elegant smile.

Charles swallows hard and opens his mouth to argue when he is pulled backwards by two strong hands on his shoulders. He spins around in surprise and glowers when he sees Erik. He glances over his shoulder at Emma and sees that she is sniggering at them, one eyebrow raised smugly. Charles tries to pull away from Erik but the taller man simply crushes him against his chest. Erik barks something in German at Emma and, much to Charles’ surprise; she backs off, her hands raised over her head in surrender. Charles struggles against Erik some more before he lets him go, a defeated look on his face.

“Charles, I shouldn’t have told you the way I did. It wasn’t fair to you _or_ Raven.” He says quietly, one hand resting on Charles’ hip lightly.

Charles _hates_ the tears burning the backs of his eyes and turns his face away from Erik angrily.

“She’s my _sister_ , Erik. She shouldn’t need to sleep with him to make it.” He despairs.

Erik shifts a little, an uncomfortable look on his face.

“But… this is her _dream_ , Charles. Surely it’s a small price to pay?”

Charles snorts loudly and looks at Erik in disbelief.

“Spoken like a true prostitute.” He spits, anger radiating from him in waves.

Erik makes a deep growling sound and tightens his grip on Charles’ hips until it hurts. Charles winces a little at this but Erik only holds him harder.

“If you had any dreams, Charles, you might understand.” He hisses.

Charles throws his head back and laughs obnoxiously, causing people at other tables to turn and stare. Somewhere across the room, he can faintly make out the anxious faces of Hank, Moira and Logan. He laughs for a long time, until the tears burning his eyes begin to fall and his cheeks redden.

“I had dreams, Erik.” He finally wheezes, a hard look in his blue eyes. “I had so many dreams that I gave up for _hers_. And I thought that she had finally made it but this is no victory, my friend. Not if she has to give head just to stand on this stage.”

“She’s an adult.” Erik says cautiously. “She can make her own decisions.”

“She’s a drug-addict!” Charles exclaims loudly. “She doesn’t know what she’s _doing_ half the time!”

Erik releases Charles’ hip and looks at him sadly.

“Let us hope she’s high now then. God knows I wish I could turn to drugs to forget half the things I’ve seen and done.”

Charles feels his breath stutter a little as he takes in Erik’s impossibly sad eyes. He wipes at his tears slowly and licks his lips nervously. 

“And why don’t you?” he finally manages to ask.

Erik shrugs and gives him a tight smile.

“Because I don’t want to dull or numb the good moments in my life. There are times where I experience _good_ and I want to remember them.”

And Erik is standing close now, too close really. Charles can smell his aftershave and can feel his hot breath on his wet cheeks. His eyes have softened and he is looking at Charles with a pleading look and he _knows_ what he wants. So, Charles extends one hand and pulls Erik around the corner of the stage, away from the prying looks of their group and allows himself to be pushed up against the wall. Erik looks down at him desperately and Charles reaches up to close the distance between them. The kiss is slow and deep and Charles can feel himself melting against Erik’s chest more and more with each second that passes.

“Moments like this.” Erik breathes into his mouth as they separate for air.

“Let’s go to yours.” Charles replies softly.

Erik chuckles weakly and noses his way through Charles’ hair before placing a wet kiss to his forehead.

“ _Thank you_.”

 

.

 

“ _Charles_! Where are you going?”

Charles reluctantly turns around to see Moira staring at him, her arms folded across her chest. She was flanked by Hank and Logan, the latter watching Erik with eyes that seem to burn with hate. Charles takes a calculated step away from Erik and shrugs his shoulders.

“Home.” He answers simply.

“With him?” She says with a nod towards Erik.

Charles hears Erik’s sigh beside him and casts the man a warning glance. Erik simply raises his eyebrows and watches on with a disinterested look on his face.

“Erik said he’d walk me home.” Charles answers primly.

Logan snorts loudly and mutters something under his breath. Charles feels his cheeks burn as Hank gives him a small frown, hundreds of questions on the tip of his tongue. Moira exhales sharply and closes the distance between them, her stilettos tapping against the wet concrete loudly.

“Come on. We’ll get a cab.” She orders firmly, wrapping one hand around his wrist and tugging at him.

Erik steps closer and places on hand on the small of his back, a dangerous look on his face.

“We’re walking.” 

Moira shoots him a furious look and shakes her head.

“No. We’re all going to get a cab back to Charles’ and have a few fucking drinks because _God knows_ we need some alcohol in our veins.” She snaps.

“I don’t drink.” Erik argues.

“Then piss off home.” Logan snarls from behind.

Charles gently shakes his wrist out of Moira’s grip and shakes his head.

“I’d prefer to walk.” He says quietly.

“Charles. Please come home with us.” 

Charles tears his gaze away from Moira and sees that Hank has stepped forward, a worried look on his face. Charles looks at him helplessly as Hank licks his lips nervously.

“Erik can come too. Just…let’s all get a taxi together. Please.”

And Charles knows that Hank knows. He realizes that they _all_ know. He looks between his friends unhappily before nodding slowly.

“Alright.” He manages to whisper, taking a step towards Moira.

“I’ll walk.” Erik says stiffly, his eyes burning holes in the back of Charles’ head but Charles doesn’t turn around because he _can’t_.

He doesn’t want to see the disappointment in those eyes. 

Moira quickly links arms with him and drags him back towards the group. He ignores the furtive glances Logan kept sending his way and marches alongside his friends dutifully. 

“What has gotten into you tonight?” Moira breathes as they stand and wait for a taxi.

“Nothing.” Charles says glumly. “Nothing at all.” 

“You were going home with Raven’s _boyfriend_ , Charles, there is obviously something wrong with you!” Moira says exasperatedly, giving him a small shake.

Charles simply looks away, his bottom lip trembling slightly. Hank comes closer, until his shoulder is pressed against Charles, his eyes blinking uncertainly behind his glasses.

“You would have regretted it in the morning.” He whispers quietly.

“I wouldn’t.” Charles says with conviction and he doesn’t miss the hurt expression on Logan’s face.

“You would have hurt Raven.” Moira points out gently.

“Raven…” Charles sighs, shaking his head. “She doesn’t care about him. Not really.”

“And you do?” Logan can’t help but snap.

Charles sends him a cold glare and nods firmly.

“A lot more than I care about anyone else.” 

 

.

 

At around three o’clock that morning, Charles hears his bedroom door open. He pulls his duvet around him tighter as he hears Raven pad her way across the room, her gait uneven, revealing that she was most probably high.

“Can’t sleep.” She slurs as she climbs into the bed.

She presses herself against Charles’ back and he realizes, with a jolt, that she was completely naked. He squirms away from her and stares at his wall furiously.

“Get out, Raven.” He bites out.

“It’s cold in my room.” She whines.

“Put on some clothes then.” Charles snarls, still not turning to face her. 

“Stop being such a grump.” She giggles drunkenly, her arms snaking around his shoulders. “You’ve never complained before-”

“ _Get the fuck out!_ ” Charles suddenly roars and he isn’t surprised by the squeal Raven emits and her swift departure.

He pulls the duvet around him even closer and squeezes his eyes shut, refusing to let the tears fall. Because she is his _sister_ and how the hell can he protect her when he can't even protect himself? If he were a real brother, he would march right up to Shaw and shoot him in the face. If Charles had any kind of courage at all he would do all he could to restore Raven's honour.

But then, he remembers that she is a coke addict and that he last all hope for her a long time ago.

And then, the tears fall.

 

.

 

The following few days pass by in a daze. 

He ignores Raven and all her bids for attention, ignores Moira and her ‘helpful’ comments and most certainly ignores all of Hank’s attempts at advice. 

He thinks that he has reached his brink. He feels as if his heart were full to capacity, ready to explode into a million different shards if someone didn’t help him release the tension in his chest. 

So, he runs. He runs for hours and hours and listens to nothing but the _slap, slap, slap_ of his feet against the pavement and the sounds of his laboured breathing. He passes all of the familiar places that bring him peace and inhales the Manhattan air greedily, wanting to stretch and fill his lungs until they burst.

“What the _hell_ is your problem?” Raven screams after him one evening as he marches past her silently and takes a seat on the sofa.

She was half made up for her show that night and her dark eyes and curled hair made his skin crawl. He sniffs loudly and ignores her, picking up the remote and flicking through the channels lazily. He hears her stomp into the kitchen, her bare feet pounding against the floor furiously. She struts past him and pulls the television out at the wall. She then turns to him, a triumphant look on her face.

“Fucking talk to me.” She orders, setting herself down on the coffee table before him.

Charles looks past her bare shoulders and shrugs.

“What is there to talk about?” he asks in a bored tone.

“How about your attitude?” Raven exclaims exasperatedly. “Or the fact that you’ve started going out each evening and running for _hours_? It’s fucking weird, Charles.”

Charles lets his gaze fall on her face and he regards her coldly enough for her to shiver involuntarily.

“Why don’t we talk about the fact that your shagging Shaw as repayment for him letting you perform in that shithole club of his?” he demands quietly and furiously.

Raven looks shocked only for a moment before recovering. She tucks a strand of hair behind her ear and regards him carefully.

“That’s none of your business.” She says softly.

Charles purses his lips thoughtfully before nodding.

“Alright. Then don’t ask me why I’m acting the way I am because really, the two go hand in hand.” He snarls before pushing himself off the sofa and going to stand.

Raven stands quickly and shoves him as hard as she can, forcing him back onto the sofa. She climbs atop him and straddles his lap deftly. She grabs his wrists in both her hands and pins them by his side, her long nails digging into his skin painfully. Her hair has fallen across her face and she glowers down at him, breathing heavily through her nose.

“Don’t you dare judge me.” She snaps.

Charles bucks his hips upwards in a bid to overthrow her but she holds strong. He pulls at his hands desperately but she tightens her grip so he goes limp, a defeated look on his face.

“You’re better than that, Raven.” He whispers hoarsely.

Raven laughs softly before shaking her head.

“No, I’m not, Charles. I’ve done a lot worse to get my hands on some coke. This is a lot more classy than anything I’m used to.” 

Charles looks up into her blue eyes, a defeated look in his eyes as he takes in her unapologetic smirk. She felt no shame for what she was doing, that much was clear. In fact, she seemed angry that Charles had a problem with her selling her body and he wonders when they had become _this_.

“Erik doesn’t like it.” He says desperately in one last attempt to make her see sense. 

Raven just raises her eyebrows.

“That’s because Erik likes _you_.”

Charles feels a flush creep across his cheeks and Raven releases him, sitting back on his lap in order to let him sit up. She pushes his fringe back off his face playfully and smiles at him sweetly.

“Don’t be embarrassed. He tells me _everything_ , Charles and he has got a pretty big crush on you!” 

“Doesn’t that…bother you?” he croaks, hating the way his voice broke.

Raven pouts thoughtfully before shrugging her shoulders.

“Not really. I know you’d never act on it. I trust you.”

And Charles _knows_ now that he is standing of the edge of his black hole; his oblivion. 

One more gentle push and he knows that he will go spiraling down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this chapter was shorter than usual but life is just getting in the way at the moment!
> 
> As usual, thank each and all for your amazing responses and I hope this doesn't disappoint!
> 
> xo


	8. Eight

There had been a time, during that awkward in-between stage of being a teenager and an adult, where Charles had found himself on the edge of a bridge, staring down at the murky waters beneath. He had been young, although not much younger than he is today, and he had _hurt_ Raven beyond belief. He had stolen her first love, a young man named Janos, who loved too freely and easily. It hadn’t taken Charles long to seduce him. The boy was persuaded easily by him, an older boy in college with a leather jacket and soft brown hair. And Janos, being the naïve, trusting teen that he was, had believed Charles when he _swore_ he loved him. Charles hadn’t even had much of an interest in him; he was simply jealous of how happy Raven was. He had timed their coupling to perfection, knowing exactly what time Raven would return from the bar at, positioning them on the bed in such a way that Raven would be left in no doubt of who was on top of Charles. 

But her reaction to the scene in front of her had given him no pleasure. She had simply turned around and closed the door behind her quietly, silently moving through the apartment. Charles had kicked Janos out and walked out to face her, a determined look on his face but Raven had simply offered him a cup of coffee as she sipped her own calmly. 

“You can have him. If you’re lonely, I _want_ you to have him.” She had said with a soft smile.

And Charles had wanted to _kill_ her because he knew she was only refusing to give him the reaction he wanted because then he would have won. So he had stormed out of the house in just a ratty t-shirt and his unbuttoned skinny jeans, his body shaking with a fury he had never experienced. He had been marching through the streets, his fists clenched and his shoulders squared and that had been when he had literally bumped into Tony Stark.

 

.

 

It is almost a week before Charles sees Erik again. They meet in the apartment, Erik and Raven wrapped around each other the sofa, watching some mindless Christmas movie and Charles shudders because it is almost _that_ time of year again. He tries to ignore them but he can feel Erik’s eyes on him as he absentmindedly strokes Ravens hair.

“There’s some left-over takeout in the fridge.” Raven calls out, never taking her eyes off the screen.

Charles nods his thanks and goes to fill a glass of water in the sink. His heart is beating much too quickly and he can feel the familiar coil of jealousy unwind itself in his stomach. He downs his water noisily and wishes that Erik would _stop looking at him_. He slams the glass down on the counter and mumbles something about going for a run. Raven waves a dismissive hand in his direction and shushes him as he closes the door behind him forcefully. He stands in the hallways and tries to collect himself, tries to calm his mind. Because it shouldn’t matter. He shouldn’t be so affected by Raven and Erik. He had seen them together before, he has even heard them have sex before so _why_ does it hurt so much?

Because that was Before. 

Before he realized how much he _needs_ Erik.

He leans against the wall behind him and closes his eyes in the dark corridor, taking deep breaths in an attempt to steady himself. In the kitchen, he can hear the faint grumble of Erik’s voice and the sound of his boots against the tiles. He moves along the hallway in order to remain unseen from the kitchen and fixes Erik with a stony look as the man steps onto the carpeted corridor. 

“What are you doing-” Charles starts but Erik silences him with a look.

He marches past Charles and takes his hand in order to drag him into Charles’ bedroom. Charles furrows his brows in confusion but he follows silently. Once they have stepped inside the room, Erik closes the door quietly and turns to face Charles with an apologetic expression.

“I…Raven said you were out.” He says quietly.

Charles snorts.

“And that makes it alright, does it? What I don’t know can’t hurt me, right?” he snarls.

Erik makes a face and leans against the door, folding his arms across his broad chest.

“Charles, she’s my girlfriend, what am I supposed to do?” he whispers

“Dump her!” Charles hisses before he has time to think about what he is saying.

Because Erik _can’t_ dump her. Charles knows that. Not yet. 

“You know that I-”

“Just shut up. Please.” Charles breathes, throwing himself down on his bed.

He stares up at the ceiling above him and exhales loudly through his nostrils. He hears the lock on his door turn and before he realizes what is happening, Erik has folded himself over him, his hands planted on either side of his head.

“It’s you that I want. You _know_ that.” He mutters, lowering his mouth over Charles’.

Charles responds by pushing their mouths together. The kiss is short and sweet but it leaves its mark. When Erik pulls away, his eyes are dark and hungry looking and Charles _wishes_ he could just keep him here in his room forever.

“Go back to her.” He orders gently, pushing Erik away slowly.

Erik does as he is told and straightens up reluctantly.

“If I could stay here with you, I would.” He swears.

“I know.” Charles says sadly. “I know you would.”

 

.

 

“So. Are you deliberately avoiding me or have you just been extremely busy writing reports and researching relics from the Eighteenth Century?” Moira demands as she steps into Charles’ office, her arms laden down with sandwiches and coffee.

Charles looks up at her from his laptop and closes the lid slowly, exhaling as he does so.

“A mixture of both, quite frankly.”

Moira doesn’t look hurt. She simply rolls her eyes and strolls into the room, kicking the door closed behind her.

“So you _are_ being a petty drama queen.” She teases as she takes a seat opposite him.

She hands Charles his sandwich and tea and unwraps her own carefully. Charles accepts the lunch with a nod of his head and hums appreciatively as he bites into the crusty bread.

“I’m not being a drama queen. I am being a recluse.” He points out through a mouthful of turkey and cranberry.

Moira shrugs and swallows her bite.

“But you’re being a recluse in order to make a point, which makes you a recluse.” She says firmly.

“And what point would that be?” Charles asks, shaking some sugar into his Earl Grey.

“That I should probably start minding my own business and stop treating you like a child.” Moira says quietly, her brows furrowing a little as she stares down at her sandwich. “And that I’m kind of a shitty bitch who humiliated you the other night.”

Charles’ expression softens and he offers her a small smile.

“You’re being a bit too hard on yourself, my friend.” 

Moira snorts in an unladylike manner and shakes her head.

“No, I’m not. I just…I don’t want to see you get hurt.” She explains with a shrug.

Charles takes another bite out of his sandwich and regards her carefully. They had been friends for years, practically ever since Charles had moved to New York. He loved her. She was beautiful and witty and caring but she could also be over-bearing, judgemental and crass. She reminded him of Raven in a lot of ways. Charles thinks that is why they seemed to _click_ so easily. He knows that Moira is sorry but at the same time, he knows that Moira doesn’t really understand _why_ she has to apologise.

“I can’t say I’m not going to get hurt, Moira.” He finally says. “But if I do, I know that it is on my own head.” 

Moira takes a slow, steadying sip of her coffee before giving Charles an obviously fake smile.

“Just remember that she loves you more than he ever will.”

 

.

 

Charles is on his way home when he sees him, his arms wrapped around some redhead. He freezes in the middle of the street and squints, taking in the dark hair and pretentious facial hair. The man turns and his smile fades as he looks at him.

“C-Charles? Xavier?” he calls out and Charles raises one hand self-consciously.

The redhead turns and looks at him in interest and Charles hates that she is beautiful and impeccably dressed.

“Tony.” He greets as coolly as he can manage.

Tony detaches himself from the woman and walks the short distance between them, a slightly shameful look on his face. He stops just a few inches away and offers Charles an uncertain smile.

“Hey. How have you been?” he asks quietly.

“How do you think?” Charles manages to spit out.

Tony glances back at the woman anxiously before lowering his head.

“I never told you that I was sorry.” He mutters. “I never _explained_ why I treated you the way I did…and I mean, kid, there are no excuses for what happened but you…you put me on some kind of pedestal, right? And it was so _fucking_ hard to be your everything.”

Charles swallows hard, hating the tears that were burning his eyes.

“So, it was my fault?” he chokes out and Tony shakes his head sadly.

“No way! It was me, all me, Charlie but…I’m in the AA now, right? And they told me that I don’t have to be _perfect_ , you know? But you…you made me feel as if I did and I guess that’s why I lashed out.” Tony says weakly.

Charles swallows the lump in his throat and swallows hard, bitterly trying to hide his disappointment because, really, that is the best he can do?

“Ok.” 

“I’m sorry.” Tony continues.

“Ok.” Charles repeats, pulling his cardigan tighter around himself and forcing a smile.

“Ok?” Tony pushes.

“Ok. That is all you are ever going to get from me. Ok.”

 

.

 

Charles knows that what is doing is wrong but when he knocks on the door to Erik’s apartment, a rush of adrenaline shoots through him that tells him he _needs this_. Because it has been far too long and Charles longs to explore the mouth that has been haunting his dreams for the last month.

He waits with baited breath and exhales slowly as he listens to the locks open. Erik pulls the door back and his eyes widen only fractionally when he sees Charles standing opposite him.

“This is a surprise.” He says softly.

“A good one or a bad one?” Charles asks breathlessly and his cheeks and nose are red due to the icy December air outside.

Erik leans against the doorframe and gives Charles a dangerous half-grin.

“I think you already know the answer to that one, Xavier.” He purrs before turning to the side to allow Charles access.

He steps inside and finds that he is almost disappointed to see such an ordinary and mundane apartment. It is sparsely decorated with Erik clearly going for some kind of minimalist look. Charles walks gingerly down the wooden hallway and steps into the living room which was all white except for the black sofas and red cushions. He doesn’t hear Erik walk in behind him and jumps a little when the taller man wraps his arms around his waist and begins pressing feather-light kisses to the side of his neck. He teases the delicate skin playfully causing Charles to groan aloud, his eyes fluttering shut.

“We need to talk about this.” Erik mutters against his skin, his breath almost cold against the teased skin.

Charles rests against him fully, their hips perfectly aligned. The heat of Erik’s body seeps into his back and Charles moans.

“Let us just do it.” He says, half-turning his head. “ _Erik_.”

And Charles has never heard a tone like that in his voice before, so desperate and pleading. It makes him feel weak and yet Erik’s hands tighten around his waist and pull him even closer.

“Once we do this there is no turning back.” He whispers, his fingers dipping below Charles’ waistband and it is clear that the very last thing he wants is for Charles to leave. 

“From the moment I laid eyes on you, I knew there would be no turning back.” Charles manages to say with a dazed smile and he doesn’t miss the way Erik stiffens against him.

“ _Don’t_. I don’t want to you to…get hurt.” He says carefully, his lips ghosting the words against the exposed skin of Charles’ neck.

Charles pushes back against him, wriggling his hips against Erik’s tight grasp and he knows exactly when he manages to rolls his hips against the taller man’s cock. There is just enough friction to make him gasp loudly and Charles almost whimpers as those strong hands crush his chest.

“You need to be sure that this is what you want.” Erik warns, his quick hands already unbuttoning Charles’ cardigan. “I don’t want to be a mistake.”

Charles closes his eyes and rests against him.

“Never. You could never be a mistake.” He promises quietly.

He rubs against Erik again, seducing Erik easily as he grinds back, absolutely filthy and needy and _raw_ in a way that Charles never thought he would experience. He turns himself in Erik’s slackened grip and closes the distance between their lips. He brushes against Erik’s lips lightly, trying to coax some sort of response out of the other man. There is nothing but the tickle of contact and the slight warmth of shared breaths as they barely stand against one another. 

“Tell me that again.” Erik demands, murmuring the words against Charles’ red lips.

“You are not a mistake.” Charles breathes before pressing against him properly.

And this time the kiss is hungrier, wetter. Charles pulls apart for a moment and smirks as Erik chases him hungrily. Erik’s grip becomes stronger and he pushes Charles against him forcefully, his long fingers digging into his smooth flesh. 

“Perfection.” He pants as they break the kiss for air. 

Charles smirks and places Erik’s bottom lips between his teeth playfully, looking up at him through impossibly long eyelashes. 

“Take me to bed.” Charles presses against the skin of his jaw.

Erik turns his head in order to dip low and kiss the pale skin of Charles’ neck.

“I could take you here. Against the wall.” He pants into his ear and Charles’ cock stirs at those words.

He looks up at Erik, his pupils blown and a slight flush on his cheeks.

“The bed. Please.”

Because Charles wants to do this properly. He wants everything to be as perfect as Erik deserves. Erik relents and takes Charles’ hands in his own before leading him out of the living room and down the small hallway. He pulls open his bedroom door and pulls Charles inside. Charles doesn’t have time to take in the room surrounding him because Erik was backwards now, a smug smile on his face as the bed hits the back of his legs. He sits and pulls Charles forward. Charles obediently climbs onto his lap and straddles him eagerly. 

He rocks down against Erik once again and makes Erik gasp breathlessly. They _need_ this and it isn’t long until Charles’ hips fall into a sweet, easy rhythm. Erik presses their foreheads together and they kiss with open mouths, their tongues sliding together lazily. The kisses are loud and wet and Charles moans in surprise when Erik flips them over with ease, breaking the kiss briefly. He covers Charles’ body with his own and proceeds to kiss him thoroughly. Charles’ hands snake down Erik’s back and grasp at the firm mounds of his buttocks, squeezing appreciatively. Erik bucks forward at this and Charles giggles throatily. 

“I want you to fuck me.” He breathes as Erik laps at his exposed collarbone. 

Erik mumbles something at this and pulls away, causing Charles to push up from beneath him. He looks up at Erik with eyes that shine with honesty and Charles knows the other man will not resist. Erik leans back a little in order to unzip Charles’ fly and begins to peel the skinny jeans from his skin. He shifts slightly in order to allow Charles to kick off his shoes and pants and Charles feels more than a little vulnerable when he sees Erik eyeing his cock hungrily. Charles shrugs off his t-shirt and cardigan and watches eagerly as Erik shucks off his own clothes. His own eyes widen slightly as he takes in Erik’s finally revealed cock, jutting out from a small nestle of curls impressively. Charles goes to sit up and reaches out to touch the newly exposed skin but Erik pushes his hand away gently, a soft expression on his face.

“Lie down.” He commands gruffly.

Charles does as he is told and Erik kneels between Charles’ knees. He reaches across the smaller man and pulls out a drawer by his bedside. He pulls out a small bottle of lube and coats his fingers in the stuff. Charles stiffens a little as he feels Erik breach him.

It has been so long that Charles almost feels as if he were a virgin once again. But Erik is patient and careful and fingers Charles in a way that soon has him feeling too hot and tight. He groans Erik’s name loudly and fists the sheets in his hands as the man slips a second finger in and hits the right spot over and over.

“An angel…you’re an angel.” Erik mutters time and time again as he takes in the glorious sight of Charles beneath him.

And Charles wonders _why_ he waited so long, why he let Tony ruin this part of him.

“I need… _Oh, God, Erik_ …I need you….” He whines loudly, his hips bucking upwards demandingly.

Erik slides his fingers back out carefully and grabs the lubricant once again. He pours some into his hand and strokes his own member quickly, a sight that makes Charles feel heady with lust. After a few short pumps, he lines himself up with Charles’ hole and pushes his head against it bluntly.

“If it’s too much…” he warns in a wrecked voice and Charles thinks that it would kill them both to stop, especially seeing as how far they were now.

He pushes Charles’ legs against his chest and pushes inside, slow and gradual. Charles feels his entire body cling to him desperately and his breathing becomes erratic as his body tries to adjust. Once he is fully sheathed, they are chest-to-chest, face-to-face and Charles wonders if he has ever experienced anything as beautiful.

When Erik _finally_ begins to move, Charles thinks that he is seeing stars, his vision blurring and whitening on the sides. Erik moves with strength and control and it doesn’t take him long to find that exact spot once again, making Charles grunt and moan obscenely.

“This… _Mein Gott_ ….thank you, thank you.” Erik chants as he squeezes his eyes shut and begins to fuck Charles in earnest.

Charles reaches between them and begins to stroke himself eagerly, his own blue eyes closed peacefully as he loses himself in the sensations and scents of _Erik_.

They reach their climax together, both men finishing with a grunt and a breathless moan. Erik collapses on top of Charles weakly, his sweat-slicked pressing against his face and Charles wraps one arm around Erik’s neck and presses a kiss to soft skin underneath his chin.

“I think I love you.” He hears Erik mumble into his damp hair.

“I…me too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ......
> 
>  
> 
> ?
> 
>  
> 
> ok?


	9. Nine

“Where were you last night?” Raven ambushes him as soon as he steps inside the apartment.

Charles stands there for a moment, taken aback by her sudden advance. Last night’s make-up is smeared across her face and he can see what looks like a smattering of love bites poking out from under her dressing grown. He glances at the purple marks and raises an eyebrow.

“You could at least _try_ and hide them.” He snorts as he slips past her.

Raven makes a soft growling sound and latches on to the back of Charles’ jacket.

“That’s none of your business.” She snaps. “Now, where the Hell were you? I was worried.”

Charles sighs loudly and tugs his clothing out of her balled fist. He turns around to face his younger sister and raises his eyebrows expectantly.

“Why? How does it matter?” he demands angrily.

Raven folds her arms across her chest and frowns, a small pout on her full lips. She shrugs one shoulder uncertainly and Charles knows that she isn’t going to push him any further so he turns on his heel and marches down the hallway towards the kitchen. When he passes Raven’s door, he just make out the outline of person sleeping in her bed. He doesn’t even try and hide his disgust as he shoots her a filthy look over his shoulder.

“Does Erik know you’re doing this? Or rather, _him_?” 

“Again, Charles, none of your fucking business.” Raven snaps before storming into her room and slamming the door behind her.

Charles resists the urge to march into her room and drag whatever piece of shit Raven has brought home out of her bed. Instead, he slips into the kitchen and goes about making some tea. He groans inwardly as he takes in the state of the kitchen and side-steps the empty take-out boxes and the bottles of wine strewn across the floor. He glances around the room and feels his heart stops dead in his chest as his eyes fall on the syringe on the coffee table. 

His mouth goes dry and his blood runs cold and he takes a step closer to the offensive item, his eyes wide as he tries to reason with himself, tries to think of plausible excuses. When he notices the belt obviously used as a tourniquet lying on the floor, Charles knows there are none. 

It is a change that is like the flick of a switch; one moment he is frozen and the next he is sprinting up the hallway and kicking Raven’s door down with a strength that even surprises himself. Raven is standing in the room, completely naked and her lover is half-dressed, already in the process of getting ready to leave. 

“ _Charles_!” Raven screeches, reaching out for her dressing gown but Charles surges forwards and grabs her by the wrist, physically dragging her out of the room.

“Whoah, are you guys-?” The dark-haired stranger starts to say but Charles cuts across him.

“Get the _fuck_ out of my apartment.” He snarls with as much venom as he can muster.

Raven struggles against him, an outraged expression on her face but Charles pulls her down the corridor, his entire body shaking with a fury like none other.

“What the _Hell_ do you think you’re-” Raven starts but Charles silences her with a slap that shocks her to her core.

Her mouth falls open and she stops struggling, tears spilling down her cheeks as she stares at him wordlessly. Charles pushes her the rest of the way to the kitchen, breathing hard through his nose. Once they have stepped inside, Charles can see the realization dawn on her face and her eyes fall on the used syringe almost instantly. She is still clutching her stinging cheek when she finally meets his gaze, the tear now pouring openly.

“What is _wrong_ with you?” Charles hisses and he is up in her face, his fully clothed body pressed against her bare, shivering one.

“Ch-Charles. Please…” She sobs, her hands shaking as she claws at his face desperately. “It-it’s not mine. It’s Janos’ and it was a _mistake_ , I’m using heroin, I swear.”

She sucks in her bottom lips anxiously and tries to pull Charles’ face closer but he resists. His blue eyes are blazing furiously and he finds that his own body is shaking. He wraps his hands around her slim wrists and squeezes them hard.

“You’re lying.” He growls. “You are looking me in the eye and you are _lying_.”

Raven makes a broken sound as she struggles against his grip, digging her nails into his cheeks a little deeper.

“I-I…I don’t know what to tell you!” She suddenly blurts out, her face bright red now as she cries hysterically. “It was a mistake, I didn’t mean to.”

Charles feels bile burning the back of his throat and he pushes her away with such force that she hits the back of her head against the wall behind them. She cries even harder, her body quivering as she tries to catch her breath. There is the faint sound of the front door closing and Charles almost laughs at how pitiful she looks, her make-up running down her cheeks and her golden skin covered in goose-pimples and the marks of his fingers.

 

“If I see it in my house again, if I even _suspect_ that you’re using, I will sell this place from under you and never speak to you again. Do you understand me?” he snarls.

Raven doesn’t say anything, her head bowed pathetically as she nods. Charles inhales sharply before marching past her and slamming his own bedroom door as hard as he can.

And it is then, and only then, that he begins to weep.

 

.

 

“There are marks on her arms.” Erik comments softly, one arm draped around Charles’ shoulder as the smaller man curls against him.

Charles tries to look indifferent but Erik can see the guilt shining through his too-bright eyes.

“I didn’t mean to I just…I was so _angry_.” He breathes against Erik’s bare chest.

Erik makes a gentle humming sound and lowers his head so that he can nose his way through Charles’ hair, a faint smile pushing at his lips playfully.

“I don’t think I’d like to see you angry.” He breathes.

Charles tightens his grip around Erik’s waist and plants a wet, open kiss to his pectoral. He takes his time to lick at the sensitive skin of the areola before dragging his mouth away, loving the soft sound of Erik’s disappointment. 

“I’m always angry.” He decides with a small frown

He can feel Erik’s eyes on him but he is grateful when the man doesn’t take the conversation any further. Charles can’t remember a time where he wasn’t angry. All his life he has carried the hot, heaving stone of fury in chest and has tried to find a way to bury, to keep out of the sight of others so as not to alarm them. Because despite his calm, cheerful exterior, Charles knows that he has his mother’s temper and that he will have to battler _her_ demons. 

He doesn’t want to be like her, or like Raven. He tells Erik as much.

“You’re not.” He swears quietly. “Believe me, you are nothing like your sister.”

Charles detects the faint note of sadness in his voice and wriggles around in his arms so that he may look upon his face.

“Do you wish you’d never met me?” he asks softly.

“I wish I’d met you _first_ ” Erik says after some deliberation.

“You can’t leave her.” Charles says with a sigh. “Not now. Not with the…the heroin.”

Erik nods and Charles can feel his chin scraping along his scalp as he does so.

“I know…”

 

.

 

When Charles comes home from work later on that day, he comes in to see Raven stuffing her belongings into a duffle bag, sniffing loudly as she does so. From her room, Charles can hear the faint sounds of Adele playing on repeat.

“What are you doing?” he asks, a flabbergasted look on his face.

Raven straightens up and Charles can see that she looks _awful_. There are deep, bruising circles under her eyes and her lips are dried and cracked. She sniffs again and wipes her running nose on the leave of her hoody. _His_ hoody, in fact. Charles’ heart is beating much too quickly and he hates the low, simmering look of resentment in her eyes.

“I’m moving out.” She says in clipped tones.

Charles swallows hard and raises one, quizzical eyebrow.

“Why?”

Raven snorts disbelievingly and tucks her lank hair behind her ear.

“Why the fuck do you think? You fucking _slapped_ me, Charles! You raised your fucking hand to me like _she_ used to and you expect me to stay?” She hisses. “I’m not like you; I’m not a fucking coward.”

Charles clenches his teeth to stop himself from saying something he knows he will regret and nods slowly. He takes a few steadying breaths before sighing.

“Ok. Can I ask where you’re going to stay?”

Raven pauses for a moment before speaking.

“Erik’s for a few days and then Sebastian said he’d sort me out with something more permanent.” 

Charles sucks on his teeth briefly before nodding.

“Alright. Do you need money or anything for the time being?”

Raven glances at him and Charles can see that her resolve is wavering.

“I’m sorry I slapped you.” He continues, his eyes never leaving hers. “I truly did not mean to hurt you.”

Raven swallows hard before shaking her head.

“We can’t live together anymore. Well…not for _now_ , at least. It’s too hard, Charles, being around you and not…not being able to…to…” Raven falls silent and shakes her head, an impossibly sad look in her eyes. “I need a break.”

Charles forces himself to nod in understanding and offers her a tight smile.

“Raven, it’s fine. Take as much time as you need. I’ll be here waiting.”

And Charles hates how his voice breaks and _hates_ the tearful look in her eyes. She turns back around and continues packing whilst Charles side-steps her and makes his way to the kitchen, forcing himself to keep looking forward like he used to when they were children.

_“Don’t look back!” Raven used to whisper. “It hurts less.”_

 

.

 

When Charles goes for his run that evening, he finds himself stopped on the bridge, leaning over the failings and starting down at the dark, glittering waters beneath him. It looks so inviting, as if the water will simply envelop him in its warmth and lull him to sleep with gentle waves. There is a part of him that longs to climb over the railings and throw himself in but when he catches a glimpse of himself in a strangers eyes, he drags himself away from the cool metal bars and forces himself to keep going forward. 

 

.

 

“Let me move in with you until Raven comes back and we can have weird, kinky sex that will ultimately ruin our friendship and respect for members of the opposite sex.” Moira pleads as she picks at her salad with disinterest.

Charles takes a sip of his coffee and rolls his eyes bemusedly.

“No because we would probably fall in love and get married and have to spend the rest of our lives together, knowing our luck.” Charles says with a shudder.

Hank snorts at this and chews on his sandwich with a smile. Sean Cassidy simply looks between them with a slightly worried look on his face.

“It’s a joke.” Moira reassures him with a wicked smile. “You can still pine after me without worrying about Charles.”

Sean flushes a deep red and shoves his fries into his mouth just to give himself something to do. Charles laughs not unkindly and claps a gentle hand on his back.

“I admire your perseverance, my friend. She’ll give in someday soon.”

Moira sticks out her tongue at this and swats at Charles playfully. Charles simply rolls his eyes and pops a tomato in his mouth. 

“Mind if I join you?”

Everyone at the table looks up and Charles nods slowly when he sees Raven standing before them. Hank leaps out of his seat and offers it to Raven. Charles gestures at a waiter and tells him they would be needing another chair. It had been almost four days since they had last spoken and Charles is glad to see that the circles under her eyes seem to have reduced greatly. She reaches for Charles’ plate and takes the half of his sandwich that he had not yet touched. Charles smiles fondly at this and pushes the plate towards her obligingly.

“Thanks.” She says through a mouthful of bread.

“How have you been?” Charles asks quietly.

Raven shrugs.

“Fine. I moved out of Erik’s this morning. Too cramped.” 

Charles wants to argue that there is plenty of space for two in that apartment but he knows better. He knows that ‘cramped’ is code for ‘Erik kicked me out.’ A small, hateful part of him is relieved. He had missed seeing Erik almost as much as Raven.

“Where are you living now?” he whispers and he is grateful when he can see Hank indicating out of the corner of his eye that they were leaving.

“Sebastian’s.” Raven says softly and Charles can see that she is waiting for him to judge her.

He takes a steadying sip of tea before nodding.

“Alright.” He says calmly. “But you know that you’re more than-”

“Not yet.” Raven decides. “I’m not ready to come back yet.”

And Charles doesn’t know why but he has to fight the urge to roll up the sleeves of her polo-neck and check for marks, for any kind of a sign that will tell him whether she had been injecting or not. Instead he reaches across and pats her bare knee fondly.

“I miss you.” He admits with a sheepish grin.

Raven snorts and rolls her eyes, a hint of her old spark dancing before him playfully.

“Yeah, right. You’ve probably turned my room into some kind of sex-cave where you and dorky McCoy try out weird, sexual experiments.”

Charles lets out a startled laugh before fixing her with a curious look.

“You’ve put an awful lot of thought into that.” He points out.

Raven simply giggles and flicks her wavy hair over her shoulders.

“Hey, I get bored.” She argues and Charles doesn’t point out that he is her brother and that she shouldn’t run her hand up his leg like that.

Instead, he removes his hand from her knee and smiles.

“You should find other thing to do when you’re bored.” He advises before gently pushing her hand away and getting to his feet.

“Going back to work already?” Raven asks as she pops the last of his sandwich into her mouth.

Charles nods and bends down to press a kiss to her forehead.

“If you need me, you know where I am.”

 

.

 

Charles is relieved when Erik comes to him that night. There is no time for talking, instead Charles lets Erik have his way with him, whatever way he wants, as many times as he likes and Charles feels _used_ in a way that only Erik can make him feel. Once they have sated themselves, Charles orders food in and they eat it in the kitchen, both of them barefoot and ruffled looking, flushes still sitting high on their cheeks.

“You kicked her out.” Charles says as he dishes out the noodles. “Why?”

Erik clears his throat as he reaches for the bowl and fixes Charles with a level look.

“She left a used needle in my bathroom.” He states calmly and Charles hates that he almost drops his bowl, his eyes widening as he searches the mans face before him.

“Are you…are you _positive_ that-”

“Charles.” He warns and his eyes flash dangerously.

Charles swallows his question miserably and pushes his bowl away, his stomach knotting with tension. Erik watches him carefully as he chews his meal, his calculating eyes regarding him almost coolly.

“You must have known that it was only a matter of time.” Erik finally sighs. “Cocaine was never going to be enough for her.”

Charles shoots him a sharp look.

“Are you suggesting that I should have been more vigilant?” he demands crossly.

Erik snorts in almost bemused manner and gives Charles a gentle look.

“I’m _suggesting_ that you stop dwelling on it. It’s happened. You can’t change that.”

Charles sniffs dismissively.

“I can stop it from happening _again_.”

He raises his chin defiantly and silently dares Erik to challenge him, to tell him that he won’t be able to stop Raven from slowly rotting from the inside out. But the older man wisely chooses to say nothing and smiles at Charles reassuringly instead. 

“Ok.” He agrees with a soft hum. 

Charles knows Erik doesn’t believe him but he doesn’t want to pick a fight so he sips his water instead, deciding to study Erik’s Adam’s apple as he swallows his food. Surprisingly, it has a soothing effect on him and amuses Erik to no end. When they have finished their meal, they relocate to the sofa and simply sit there, enjoying the press of each other’s bodies and the melodic music of Johann Bach. Charles can feel himself drifting off when there is a knock on the door. He startles a little at it but rises to his feet swiftly, a slight frown wrinkling his forehead as he ponders who it could possibly be. 

He pads down the hallway and blinks in surprise when he sees both Moira, Logan and Hank standing before him. Moira grins brilliantly and raises a bottle of wine at him.

“We decided that you’re probably _miserable_ without Raven so we’re here to cheer you up.” She declares, pushing past him and stepping inside before he can say anything.

“I thought you’d left town?” Charles says bluntly as Logan follows the other two.

The taller man raises an eyebrow and shrugs.

“Moira asked me to stay another while.” He answers curtly before marching after the others.

Charles can feel the fluttering of panic settle in his stomach as he walks after them with bated breath. He can pinpoint the exact moment when they come across Erik sprawled across his sofa, barefoot and tousled looking. The silence that falls is deafening and when Charles enters the kitchen, he resolutely looks anywhere but at Logan.

Erik is already on his feet and slipping into his leather jacket, a cool, guarded expression on his face.

“I’d better get going.” He mutters as he side-steps Charles and slips out the doorway. 

Charles says nothing and takes a seat as though nothing out of the ordinary had occurred. Moira sits opposite him, her eyebrows higher than he has ever seen them. Logan is grumbling darkly as he throws himself on the sofa and Hank is looking at with eyes that are clouded with disappointment. 

“Is…is _that_ a new development or do Raven’s boyfriends usually chill with you when she’s homeless and not around?” Moira finally asks.

Charles runs a hand through his hair and shrugs.

“Does it matter?”

“Yes.” Hank says quietly but firmly.

Charles holds his gaze and sets his mouth in a thin, unhappy line.

“We’re sleeping together.” He states emotionlessly. “And will continue to do so, with or without your approval.”

“Bub, you don’t need to worry about our fucking approval.” Logan snorts. “But you do have an extremely unstable sister to think about.”

“She’s taking heroin whilst you fuck her boyfriend?” Moira exclaims, her disapproval clearly evident.

Charles opens his mouth to argue but falls silent when Erik steps through the door, a stony expression on his face.

“She was taking heroin long before she met me.” He snarls, his fists clenched by his side. “And if any of you idiots actually opened your eyes, you would have known that.”

“Erik-” Charles starts but the man in question cuts across him.

“Charles isn’t seeking your permission nor is he asking your opinion. He told you what is going on and that is it. It is _not_ up for discussion and it is most certainly not to be repeated, do you understand?” he growls threateningly.

“Have you gotten him checked?” Logan asks Charles, nodding in Erik’s direction. “For STD’s and shit, Chuck?”

Charles feels a flush creeping along his cheeks and glances at Erik uncertainly. The taller man is white with fury, his lips pressed together tightly. Logan takes his silence as answer enough and shakes his head in disbelief. He turns to Erik now, his own face pinched.

“You mean to tell me, you fucked him without getting yourself checked or at least warning him? You’re a fucking _prostitute_ , Lehnsherr-”

“Was! He was a prostitute.” Charles corrects quickly, ignoring the look of horror on Moira’s face.

Logan bursts out laughing at this and gets to his feet, his fists clenched by his side.

“He doesn’t _know_?” Logan says quietly, dangerously.

“He knows enough.” Erik manages to bite out.

Charles frowns at this and looks at Erik questioningly.

“What don’t I know?” he demands.

Erik casts him a look that silently pleads _later_ but Logan is on a roll.

“He’s still a fucking whore, Chuck. He’s still sucking dirty dick down alleys and in the back of cars and he didn’t even have the decency to tell you.” Logan declares angrily. 

“Okay, Logan, relax.” Moira pleads softly, putting a hand on her friends shoulder but Logan shakes her off.

Charles freezes a little at this and realizes with a horrible, stomach turning jolt that it _was_ his body that Erik was selling that day down by the alley. He blinks wetly and shoots Erik a hurt look before feigning indifference.

“It’s-” he starts to say but Erik cuts across him viciously.

“I’ll kill you.” He swears, staring Logan down. “I will hunt you down and I will _kill_ you.”

Charles almost calls out after Erik as the man storms out of the room, almost begs him to stay but he catches himself on time, choosing instead to take deep, steadying breaths. 

“Charles-”

“Out. I would like everyone to get out now please.”

 

 

.

 

That night, Charles takes a long, scalding shower, scrubbing his body viciously until his skin is pink and sore. 

And then, he curls into a ball underneath the stream of water pulsing from his shower-head and begins to cry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As usual, thank you for reading and let me know what you think x


	10. Ten

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Minor, implicit rape scene at the beginning of this chapter.

Charles had been fourteen and Raven eleven when they had walked in on one of their mothers boyfriends raping her. It had been Christmas morning and they had come bounding down the hallway, both of them _desperate_ to open their presents. Charles can vaguely remember an uneasy feeling washing over him as they neared her bedroom door. The faints sounds of sobbing could be heard as they approached the room and Charles had flung a hand out across Raven’s chest, his brow furrowed anxiously.

“ _S-stop. Please stop, I’m sorry._ ”

Charles had wanted to step back, to turn around and race back to his room but Raven had shoved his hand away, an angry look on her face when she heard their mother’s distress.

“ _Come on!”_ She had ordered, fixing Charles with a demanding look and he had felt like a coward as he shook his head, his hands trembling.

“ _Raven, we shouldn’t. Shane will get mad._ ” He whispered.

Her expression had softened only momentarily before she charged onwards, flinging the door open and revealing that horrific scene. If Charles closes his eyes and focuses he can still smell the saltiness of sweat and his mother’s tears. Shane had roared at them and told them to get out but when Raven refused, he had jumped off of Sharon and chased them, slapping them both across the cheeks when he caught them. Charles can recall crying, clutching his burning cheek shakily as he begged Shane to stop. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Sharon watching fearfully, her eyes red and puffy. 

“ _Go to your fucking rooms and stay there._ ” He had yelled, shoving Raven towards Charles, causing the both of them to fall over, holding one another anxiously.

“ _It’s Christmas!_ ” Sharon had protested weakly but when Shane marched down the stairs and could be heard dragging the Christmas tree out of the living room she had simply slid down the wall and buried her head in her hands.

Raven and Charles had retreated to Raven’s room and curled into bed together, their arms wrapped around one another, neither of them commenting on the fact that Charles’ trousers were wet.

 

.

 

“Charles? Charlie? Char-Char? _Please_ open the door! I’m sorry about last night. Just…open the door, please.”

Charles sits in his dressing gown and listens to Moira’s muffled voice with a disapproving look on his face. He wishes she would just take the hint and go home. He doesn’t want to speak with her, with any of them, really. He’s _exhausted_ after a rather sleepless night last night and all he wants to do is to crawl back into his bed and sleep away the rest of his life. 

“Chuck? Open the Goddamn door.”

Charles freezes at the sound of Logan’s voice and bites on his lip anxiously. It wouldn’t surprise him in the slightest if Logan decided to kick the door down. He took one step towards it before listening to the sound of a key in the lock.

Charles closes his eyes and exhales loudly. He had given Hank a spare key months ago. The door opens slowly, cautiously and Charles would almost laugh at his friends apprehensiveness if he weren’t so angry with them.

Moira pops her head around the door first and gives him a sheepish grin.

“I know that this a complete invasion of your privacy and totally against your wishes but we’re worried about you, Charlie and-”

“And you can quite clearly see that I am still alive so you may proceed to _fuck off_.” He growls before turning on his heel and marching down the hallway. 

He knows that they are following him so he marches to the kitchen where he will be able to have a cup of tea at least. He flicks the switch of the kettle on at the wall and listens to them slink in behind him.

“Who wants tea?” he bites out and is unsurprised when he is met with complete silence.

“Charles… We’re so sorry.” Moira breathes and he grips the sides of the counter to steady himself.

He glances down at his whitening knuckles and forces himself to breathe.

“We shouldn’t have-”

“I don’t want to hear it.” He snaps, spinning around and glaring at the three of them furiously. “I don’t want to hear anything any of you have to say. It is _my_ life and sleeping with Erik was _my_ decision!”

“We were trying to look out for you, Chuck.” Logan says gently.

Charles wrinkles his nose in disgust and stares at him in disbelief.

“Look out for me? You _humiliated_ me, Logan. And as for how you treated Erik? I have no words. Your actions were inexcusable and then you have the audacity to say that you were ‘looking out’ for me? Screw you, Logan.” He snarls, his entire body shaking.

Hank sighs despondently and shook his head.

“Charles, Erik is bad news. He’s not the kind of person you need in your life right now.” He points out softly.

“Maybe not but that’s my mistake to make, is it not?”

“The last time you made a ‘mistake’ you tried to kill yourself so maybe you’ll forgive us for being a little concerned.” Moira pleads, her eyes wide and imploring.

Charles feels his eyes closing of their own accord and he leans back against the counter, his hands shaking as he scrabbles for purchase. There is a white hot fury shooting through him and he turns away from them before he says something he will forget. 

“I want you to leave. I’ll see you on Monday.” He finally manages to say without sounding as if he were being strangled.

“Charles-”

But Moira falls silent and Charles listens as they all troop out of the kitchen dutifully. Once he is sure they have left and closed the front door, he pours himself a cup of tea and drinks it standing up, his eyes fixed on the photo of their mother hanging on their fridge. He looks into her lifeless eyes and hates the fact that all he can see is himself.

 

.

 

Charles opens his eyes to a room that is both familiar and completely new to him. He blinks in an attempt to clear the haze around his eyes and looks around the darkened room uncertainly. The heavy sheets draped across his body were made of a heavy silk and when he goes to kick them off, he finds that his legs are restrained. Charles frowns at the strange sensation of having his legs spread wide almost to the point of pain and goes to untie himself when he feels the exact same thing has happened to his arms. He turns his head and his heart skips a beat as he realizes that he is bound to the intricately designed iron head-board. He clears his throat loudly and bucks upwards in the bed but the restraints are tied expertly and he finds that he can hardly move an inch. The door in front of him enters and Raven steps inside, her hair piled atop her head loosely, long tendrils of hair falling across her face as she ducks her head and giggles.

“Raven, what is-” Charles starts but he falls silent as she drops her dressing gown on the floor and reveals her nude form.

Charles has seen Raven naked more than anyone else in his life and yet her body looks new and unfamiliar, as if he had never seen it before. She climbs atop the bed and pulls down the sheets, revealing Charles’ own naked body. 

“Raven, stop.” He orders shakily as she straddles him, the heat of her body covering his groin.

“ _You_ stop. Stop denying yourself.” She breathes as she bends over and presses her lips against his forehead. “You never give yourself what you truly desire.”

As if on cue, Erik steps through the door and he too, is completely naked. Charles looks him up and down hungrily and Raven rolls her eyes.

“Typical.” She huffs but she is smiling.

Erik crosses the room slowly, his eyes never leaving Charles and Charles can feel himself growing hard as Erik takes himself in hand and begins to pump himself teasingly.

“You need to tell me what you want.” Erik breathes just as Raven begins to rock against him.

Charles tears his eyes away from Erik and looks up at Raven pleadingly.

“I want you to stop, Raven. Please.”

Because he’s hard but it is not because of her. Raven raises her eyebrows and looks down at him disbelievingly.

“You said that you loved me?” 

“He does.” Erik soothes as he climbs in behind her. “But not like this.”

Erik begins to kiss the side of her neck and Ravens hands slide along her naked body, down past her neat patch of pubic hair and in between her thighs.

“ _Stop._ ” Charles winces, closing his eyes shut. “I don’t want this. _I don’t want this_.”

When Charles opens his eyes again, he is in a different room and he is no longer bound to the bed. There is still heavy weight holding him down, however, and after his eyes adjust to the dark, he realizes that it is his mother’s boyfriend, Shane.

“You’re not gonna tell your Mom, are you? You’re not gonna tell her what I did, huh? Because what happens to little boys who lie?” He snarls, his face inches away from Charles’.

“They get hurt.” Charles breathes, his entire body trembling as Shane cards his fingers through his hair.

“Good boy.” Shane whispers, a small smile tugging at his lips and Charles feels his stomach turn as the man presses a kiss to his forehead.

He turns his head away and almost screams when he sees Raven lying beside him, blood pouring from her nostrils.

“I fucked up.” She groans, her eyes rolling into the back of her head. “I’m such a fuck up.”

Charles reaches out one shaking hand to push the hair back from her face but she swats his hand away, tears pouring from her bright eyes.

“Why did you let me do this? Why didn’t you stop me?” She demands angrily, reaching across to claw at his face.

Charles rolls away from her and turns to jump from his bed when he meets his mother, swaying on her feet, her eyes unfocussed as she looks down at him, a disgusted look on her face.

“No one will ever love you, do you hear me, Charles? You are _unlovable_ , both of you are. Disgusting little creatures that you are.” She slurs viciously.

Charles outstretches one, steadying hand and hopes that she will hold it but just as she goes to reach for it, Raven wraps her arms around his neck and he falls backwards. He falls for what feels like forever with Raven like a noose around his neck screaming nonsensical things in his ear. They land in freezing cold water and when they do, everything is silent. Charles feels a warmth spread across his body, a feeling of peace washing over him. He opens his mouth to laugh but when he does, water rushes into his mouth and he screams and screams as he feels his lungs beginning to swell and there is a pressure in his head and-

Charles bolts upright in the bed, his fingers scrabbling around in the bedsheets for purchase. He glances around his room anxiously and is relieved when he learns that he is alone. His breathing starts to slow as he realizes it was _just a dream_ and he lies down back in the bed, only to learn that his sheets are damp. He lifts the covers and places one hand between his legs and grimaces when his fingertips touch the warm dampness. He kicks back his sheets and goes about cleaning himself up, trying to ignore the lump in his throat as he processes the information that he wet the bed.

 

.

 

Erik appears before midnight on Saturday. 

Charles pulls the door open and lets him in without saying a word, a small part of him hating himself for allowing the man in in the first place. They walk through to the sitting room and Charles can smell the faint whiff of alcohol from the taller man. He doesn’t comment however, not wanting to be the first one to start an argument. He sits down on the armchair opposite Erik and watches him silently, his expression guarded. Erik looks at his hands, his fingers twitching as he clearly struggles with something.

“The last person I told left me.” He finally manages to bite out. “They…they were disgusted and told me they never wanted anything to do with me again.”

Charles doesn’t speak. He continues to watch Erik carefully, watching as the tension in his shoulders slowly ebbs away.

“I didn’t want you to think that I was _dirty_.” He whispers, looking up to meet Charles’ eye. “That I had tainted you. I’m _clean_ , Charles. I have strict code of conduct and I would never put you at risk or-”

“You should have told me.” Charles says firmly. “You should have trusted me.”

Erik exhales sharply through his nose and looks at him with eyes that are almost impossibly wide.

“I _do_ trust you! I just….I….”

His voice fails him and he shakes his head, bringing his hands up to cover his eyes.

“I love you.” He says, his voice by his hands. “I didn’t want to lose you.”

Charles can feel his own anger slinking away and when Erik lowers his hands, Charles smiles at him softly.

“You should have _told_ me, Erik.”

“I’m sorry.” Erik breathes and he slides to his knees and crawls to Charles, his hands trembling as he places them on his knees. “I’m _sorry_.”

Charles regards him curiously for a moment before carding his fingers through his soft hair gently.

“Tell me why you do it.” He urges.

Erik swallows before shrugging.

“I don’t know. I can’t stop.” 

Charles frowns and trails one finger the length of Erik’s nose.

“You…You like it?” he pushes.

Erik closes his eyes and swallows before nodding.

“It was all I had before I met you and Raven.” He sighs.

Charles pauses for a moment before running his finger along Erik’s bottom lip, his frown deepening.

“But….”

_How?_

Erik leans his head forward, until it is rest in Charles’ lap and he rubs his cheek along the fabric of his trousers, his eyes still closed. There is a faint flush along his cheeks but the rest of him is deathly pale.

“My mother’s brother abused me…sexually, physically, emotionally. My mother was either high or passed out; she never noticed or cared. He… _Gott_ …he told me he loved me and that he wanted to care for me and I believed him. I believed that he was going to take me away from my useless mother and send me to school and look after me…”

Erik pauses and inhales shakily. Charles hardly dares to breathe and continues to run his hands through the other man’s hair, staring at the back of his head so intently that he is positive Erik can feel it.

“I ran away from home when I was sixteen and Sebastian found me. He made me feel _loved_ Charles and when…when he suggested that I start selling what I had been giving him for free…well…it seemed too good to be true. Because I thought they were all going to make me feel the way he did…and-I…I liked how it felt when they-”

Erik jerks his head off of Charles’ lap as though burned and looks up at him with tear-filled eyes.

“I _told_ you I was a bad person! I warned you, Charles.” He exclaims, his hands gesturing wildly.

Charles feels his stomach turn and he looks at him sadly.

“You are not a bad person, my friend. That…all of _that_ doesn’t make you bad.”

“Why do you have to be so perfect?” Erik gasps painfully.

“I’m not.” Charles breathes. “I am anything but perfect.”

Erik shakes his head slowly, his mouth slightly agape. His watery eyes are burning with an intensity he has never seen before and Charles finds himself being pulled to the ground by the look in his eyes alone.

"Please, believe me when I tell you I have never loved someone like how I love you." Erik whispers, wrapping his long arms around Charles and squeezing him tightly.

Charles closes his eyes and rests his head against Erik's strong shoulder, his breathing coming much too quickly.

"I want you to be honest with me. _Always_." Charles urges quietly.

"I will. I promise, I will." Erik murmurs, pushing Charles away from his chest so that he may bring their lips together.

The kiss is slow and it tastes of apologies but Charles clings on and pushes through the regret, deciding that he could never let Erik go.

 

 

.

 

“You look like shit.” Raven comments after she leaves herself into his apartment on Monday morning.

Charles doesn’t bother to reply. He simply slides across the bed, granting her permission to climb in. She does so with a sigh but Charles knows that she is secretly pleased. Charles hasn’t left the house all weekend, deciding call in sick to work. His hair is greasy, he has light stubble speckled across his cheeks and he hasn’t bothered to dress himself since his night with Erik. Raven isn’t bothered however, says nothing about his nudity and huddles in closer, the tip of her nose pink from the cold December air.

“You wanna tell me what’s going on?” She breathes as she searches his face.

Charles shakes his head.

“I can’t.” He says hoarsely because how can he tell her that he has fallen deeper for her boyfriend than for anyone else he has ever met or known?

Raven frowns and purses her lips.

“Of course you can. You can tell me _anything_ , you know that.”

Charles is tempted. He is tempted to come clean and to face whatever it is Raven throws at him but he knows that the fall-out would be catastrophic, especially with them both in such fragile places.

“Someone…someone I care about lied to me. And I’m trying very, very hard to forgive them because I love them.” He whispers, hating the burning sensation behind his eyes as he tries to swallow the lump in his throat.

Raven blinks a few times before swallowing audibly.

“What if…what if they were simply too scared to tell you the truth?” She asks softly.

And Charles squeezes his eyes shut because he knows that this is about so much more than just him and Erik. Because she has lied to him too and Charles finds that he can’t take it. He can’t bear to talk with her about one person lying to him when she has been doing it for God-knows-how-long and he can’t even call her up on it because he’s been lying to her too, every day since he met Erik.

“Are you…are you addicted to heroin?” Charles demands, his voice finding strength as he opens his eyes and forces himself to seek the truth.

Raven glances to the side before nodding slowly.

“Yes.” 

Her voice is barely more than a soft caress of the wind but Charles hears it as though she had yelled it. He turns his body away from hers and stares up at the ceiling above them, his heart hammering against his ribcage painfully. His mouth runs dry and he struggles to find the words, to find a way to thank her for telling him the truth. So, he reaches between them both and entwines his fingers in hers and nods, still unable to look at her. She squeezes his hand until it is numb and Charles can feel her silently willing him to turn his head so he does. When he looks at her he can see the fear and humiliation in her eyes.

“Don’t hate me.” She pleads.

“I couldn’t. Even if I wanted to, I could never hate you, Raven.” He promises.

She surges forwards and plants a kiss to the corner of his mouth and it turns his stomach but he allows her this much. He brings his other hand up to cup the back of her head and runs his fingers through her soft, flaxen hair. When she pulls away, her eyes are shining with unshed tears and he can the smile tugging at the corner of her lips. He wishes it were a happy one and not the broken, heart-wrenching one she was wearing.

“We’re so _fucked up_!” She half-laughs, tears now spilling down her cheeks.

Charles pulls a face and nods.

“I know… I wish there were a way we could change all of this, Raven but…I really don’t think we can.”

Raven snorts.

“So, I’m going to die an unlovable addict and you’re going to stay in your state of repetition compulsion and keep dating people who treat you like shit until one of them actually kills you?” She asks with a sad kind of amusement. 

Charles lets out a quiet huff of laughter before he meets her eye again.

“You’re not unlovable, Raven.” He whispers.

Raven half-smiles before she shakes her head.

“I am. I push every single person who has ever cared for me away and the worst part is that I can _see_ myself doing it, you know? Like, in my head, I’m screaming at myself to stop and just _can’t_. It’s pathetic.” 

“I love you and I’m still here.” He points out gently.

Raven bites her lip before shrugging.

“But not in the way….in the way I….”

Her voice trails away and Charles is glad. He doesn’t want to go _there_ , not today.

“Remember Mother told us once that we are the creators of our own destinies?” Charles says softly.

He can see her nodding out of the corner of his eye.

“I hope she lied.” He sighs, turning and facing his sister with a sad smile. “I’d hate to think that we created these lives for ourselves, wouldn’t you?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This may be it for a while, I am afraid...
> 
> I have a big exam on Thursday and then I am going to Europe for a few weeks before returning to university so I'm not sure when I will get the chance to update again...
> 
> BUT FEAR NOT; the story has not been abandoned and shall be continued as soon as possible ;)
> 
> And seeing as you all are such loyal and dedicated readers, I have decided to extend the creative license to each and everyone of you....SO, if you have an idea that you believe MUST included in this story or if you have a particular ending in your head, please comment below and let me know! _Inspire_ me 
> 
> Much love to you all and I promise I shall update soon.


	11. Eleven

Charles wonders if their mother ever felt alone. He wonders if she ever lay in bed at night, staring at the ceiling, wishing it would cave in on top of her and smother her with debris. 

Charles wishes he could choke on the bits of concrete and suffer the way he is supposed to.

Because he is a bad person with a bad heart and it puzzles him that he is the only one who sees that.

 

.

 

 

“Tomorrow’s Christmas Eve.”

“Is it?” Charles mutters in a disinterested tone, his eyes scanning the screen in front of him, searching for typos.

He can hear Moira’s irritable sigh and so he flicks his gaze upwards, long enough to take in the furious glare in her dark hazel eyes.

“Do you have plans?” she snaps and Charles knows that she is leaving out the very important _with Erik_ , as much as it pains her.

“I’m waiting for Raven to get back to me. She has a Christmas Eve show at the club but I think she’s going to move back in after that.” He explains quietly.

Moira leans against the doorframe to her right and sucks in her bottom lip, a thoughtful expression on her face. She mutters something to herself before giving him a resigned shrug of one sloping shoulder.

“Does that mean you don’t want to join me and Logan for dinner and drinks?”

“I thought you were going to your father’s?” Charles says with interest, leaning back in his chair and regarding his friend carefully.

Moira always returned to Colorado for Christmas and never missed it, not in all their years of friendship. She flushes a little under his gaze before shrugging once again, more defensive this time.

“Dad doesn’t like Logan and he has nowhere to go this year so I’m staying in the city for him.” She huffs.

Charles’ smile softens and he tilts his head to the side ever-so-slightly.

“You shagged him before, didn’t you? Before he ‘came out’.” He teases with a smirk.

Moira’s flush deepens and Charles laughs aloud at this because Moira _never_ blushes. She pulls at the collar of her red shirt and sighs miserably before nodding her head, an ashamed look on her face.

“I was like, _desperately_ in love with him. That’s why Dad can’t stand him.”

Charles chortles as he shuts down his computer and gives his friend his first genuine smile since their falling out over Erik.

“I knew it. When you made that comment that night about him not noticing your hair? I was absolutely certain you two had a _thing_.”

Moira smiles and rolls her eyes.

“It was more than a thing, Charlie. We were _engaged_.”

Charles feels his mouth drop open as he stares at her, completely and utterly flabbergasted. His eyes widen as he puts two and two together and he lets a shocked laugh escape his mouth.

“ _Logan_ is that guy from college? The one you told me broke your heart and left you crying into your _NSYNC_ bedcovers for weeks?” he demands.

Moira nods.

“The very one.”

Charles laughs again, a quiet, surprised sound. He sits up in his chair and gives his friend a warm look.

“Raven and I would love to join you two for dinner tomorrow. I’d hate to leave you alone with the man you described as a ‘heartless, dickless, fuckless moron’.” 

 

.

 

“Ugh, do I _have_ to go? I mean, Moira can be such a bitch.” Raven whines as she cuts into the steak before her.

Charles pops a fry into his mouth and raises his eyebrows.

“And Angel can’t? How many times have I gone to her New Years Eve party with you, only to be cornered by some junkie offering to give me a rimjob for some coke?” he demands.

Raven grins down at her plate and shrugs her bare shoulders. It was freezing outside and yet Raven had still come to his apartment in a barely-there, see-through white cami with no bra and her tightest pair of gray jeans. 

“And how many of them did you take up on their offer, you slut.” Raven teases as she catches his eye in a knowing manner.

Charles freezes at the allusion to Janos and his affair. He eyes his sister carefully and relaxes when he sees that her teasing is light-hearted.

“I never did give him that coke he wanted.” He admits with a light blush.

Raven snorts and nods.

“I know. He kept texting me for weeks after I walked in on you guys, asking if I knew where you’d stash it.” She laughs.

Charles shakes his head in disbelief and pushes what was left of his meal around his plate.

“That was such a dick move. What I did. Not Janos…although he obviously had a role to play but….”

“But we were kids and you were mad at me. I get it.” Raven says with a shrug, the delicate strap of her top sliding further down her shoulder, revealing the full swell of the top of her breast.

“I wanted to hurt you.” Charles says softly.

Raven takes a slow, steady sip of her water and raises her eyebrows.

“Because I kissed you.” She states once she has swallowed and Charles still wonders how she can say things like that without blushing.

He nods slightly and cracks a humourless smile.

“ _Exactly_.”

The night before it had happened, they had both been drunk and Raven had taken it too far.

“You hated it that much?” She asks with a dry smile.

Charles shakes his head almost despite himself and runs his finger up and down the length of his knife, his brow furrowing as he struggles to find the words.

“I…I hated the fact that…that we couldn’t. Ever. Not like _that_.”

When he looks up again, there are tears in Raven’s eyes and the air between them is heavy with a tension that makes Charles’ stomach turn.

“So, if I wasn’t your sister-”

“But you _are_ , Raven. There can be no ‘if’s’.” Charles says softly.

He _hates_ the way her shoulders slump and the foggy look that makes her eyes misty and watery. She glances away and Charles can see her bottom lip trembling, the way it used to when their mother would say something particularly hurtful. 

“I’m in-” She starts but Charles cuts across her.

“Please, _don’t_.”

 

.

 

“Dinner at Moira’s?” Erik repeats, his hands buried deep in his pockets as they stroll down the half-deserted, freezing streets.

It is a little past midnight and Charles was exhausted but his mind was abuzz after his dinner with Raven.

“I don’t think Raven will go.” Charles says flatly. “Would you mind terribly picking her up after her show tomorrow night and dropping her to mine?”

Erik shrugs.

“I don’t mind. It’s not like I have any other plans.”

Charles can hear the clear note of bitterness resounding deep within him. He bumps shoulders with the taller man and offers him a small smile.

“I’ll be back early. I promise.”

Erik glances at him before allowing himself a slow, goofy smile, it is one that shows his many teeth and completely unself-conscious. 

“And then me, you and Raven can settle down and enjoy a wonderful Christmas Eve together?” he teases.

Charles winces. He had almost forgotten the whole ‘secret’ part of their relationship.

“Better than being alone, isn’t it?” He asks carefully.

Erik looks down at the frosted pavement beneath their feet and shrugs. The tips of his ears and nose are bright pink and Charles doesn’t think he has ever seen someone look so beautiful.

“I wish we didn’t have to hide.” He says slowly.

Charles regards him carefully before nodding in agreement.

“It’s not _idea_ , however, I don’t think she is in the right frame of-”

“She never will be.” Erik interrupts urgently. “There is never going to be ‘a right time’ and not because she’s in love with _me_ , but because she is in love with-”

“It’s an infatuation, that’s all.” Charles mutters crossly, picking up the pace and walking briskly.

“It’s love!” Erik snaps, charging after him. “She’s completely and irrevocably in love with-”

“It’s not my fault!” Charles hisses. “I never gave her the impression that I would welcome such feelings and-”

“I never said you did-”

“ _And_ she should know better. She should have realized that after everything our supposed _stepfather_ did to us, how I would feel about something so… _wrong_.”

Erik is silent for a moment before he speaks again.

“What did he do?” he asks quietly.

Charles stops in the middle of the empty street before looking back at Erik with sad eyes.

“Everything your uncle did to you.”

A shiver runs down Erik’s spine and Charles knows that it’s not from the cold.

“Raven too?” he mutters.

“He made her watch.” 

A crippling silence befalls and it takes Erik a few moments to sidle closer to him, one large hand coming to rest on the small of his back. Charles leans back into the touch and presses his cheek against the taller man’s chin.

“It hurts her more than it hurts you.” Erik whispers, his lips moving against his forehead.

Charles shakes his head slowly and nuzzles closer to the exposed neck before him.

“It hurts me more.” He insists. “Because I can’t give her what she wants.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, I _know_ , it's so short but I've only access to a computer for an hour!
> 
> and I had to update!!!!
> 
>  
> 
> So sorry its not long enough but next weekend, i promise the chapter will be like 5k/6k
> 
> much love!!!!!!!


	12. Twelve

“You made it!” Moira cheers as she pulls open the red door of her white townhouse enthusiastically. 

She is impeccably dressed in a tight fitting maroon dress that came just below her knees. Her hazel eyes sparkle delightedly as Charles steps inside, brandishing a bottle of wine with dramatic flair.

“I brought us that rosé wine you adore, although, why you like it so much really is beyond me.” He teases as he breezes past her.

Moira takes the bottle from his hands and helps him out of his jacket. She eyes him appreciatively before hanging the jacket on a rack. Charles was wearing a blue shirt that hugged his toned, slight body enviously. His pants are a _little_ on the small side but that only caused them to showcase the curve of his arse deliciously. Moira reaches out and pats it with a wistful sigh. 

“Are you sure you don’t want to sleep with a woman, just once?” She pouts as they make their way through the long, festively decorated hallway.

Charles pretends to rake his gaze up and down her body before pulling a face.

“Positive.” He teases as she swats at him playfully.

They pass a wide, full length mirror that Moira had picked up at an antique fair and Charles cannot help but appreciate how _good_ they look together. They look like one of those generically beautiful couples in a catalogue. Moira catches his eye in the mirror and pulls a face, causing him to smile fondly.

“I love you.” He says softly.

Moira squeezes his elbow and gives him a small wink.

“I love you too, Prof. Now, _please_ let’s have a good night together! We haven’t had one in such a long, long time.”

Charles knows that she means since Erik arrived. He had even heard her and Hank refer to it as B.E (Before Erik). It strikes him as strange, really, because he feels as if Erik has only just come into his life. He hasn’t felt the last three months slip by. He glances at his friend once before smiling.

“I’d love nothing more.”

 

 

.

 

Charles settles himself in the dining room and greets both Hank and Logan. He is surprised to see Hank here since Charles knows that he has a rather large family not an hour’s drive away. He doesn’t pry, however, not tonight. Tonight he wants them all to have a good night.

“Is Raven not coming?” Hank asks as Charles unfolds his serviette.

The disappointment in his voice is obvious and Logan smirks as he reaches across to pat Hank on the back sympathetically.

“Don’t worry, Beast. There’ll be other dinners.” He teases.

Hank flushes furiously at this and Charles smiles at him gently.

“She may pop round after her show tonight but I doubt that.”

Charles tries to smile but all he can imagine is his sister and Shaw and _why_ Raven wouldn’t be joining them for dinner. His smile is more of grimace and Moira pats his hand to snap him out of it.

“Don’t worry, we’ll be more than enough company for you tonight.” She promises.

Charles glances around the table and feels a small smile tugging at the corner of his mouth when he meets Logan’s eyes. The man is watching him with a warmth that makes his cheeks grow hot. Logan tilts his head ever-so-slightly and tips his glass in Charles’ direction.

“To a wonderful night.” He says genuinely and Charles feels his smile turn into a wide grin as he raises his own glass of wine and clinks them together.

“To a wonderful night.” He repeats softly and he can’t remember a Christmas Eve where he felt more at peace.

 

.

 

When they were younger, Christmas Eve was a time tainted with the smell of fear, anxiety and the smallest glimmer of excitement. Each year, Charles and Raven would ask Santa to bring them a new family; new parents that would love them and care for them and make them feel safe and every year they would wake to their mother and Shane, standing beneath the tree, surrounded by extravagant presents that neither of them had asked for. 

Charles can remember the heavy weight of hopelessness that would settle itself in his stomach when he would walk down the stairs, only to lay eyes on Shane once again, his fake smile plastered across his face as he tried to hold their wobbling, drunk mother in place.

“ _Presents!”_ She would slur. “ _Open your presents!_ ”

They were all the toys and gadgets that children their age would die for. Raven would always receive the most delicate of dolls and jewellery and make up whilst Charles would get baseball cards and new soccer boots and jerseys. They were the perfect gifts for boys and girls. They were not the perfect gifts for Charles and Raven. Charles’ mother didn’t know they well enough to know that Charles would love some books and that Raven would love some cassettes or singing lessons. Even when they wrote to Santa asking for specific toys, they would be given generic gifts for children that didn’t exist.

“ _Santa isn’t real._ ” Raven announced dully one Christmas.

And Charles had agreed with her because he couldn’t believe that a man as benevolent as they say could leave them in this nightmare.

 

.

 

“I just want to know _why_!” Moira declares loudly. “Why anyone would want anything shoved up their ass is beyond me!”

Hank guffaws stupidly at this and Charles rolls his eyes drunkenly, the room pleasantly hazy and his senses numbed in a way that feels _good_. He leans back in his chair and closes his eyes as he listens to Logan and Moira argue about the pros and cons of anal sex. He can feel the heat of Hanks body to his left and he is drawn to it, leaning sideways in order to rest their shoulders against one another. He opens his eyes and smiles at him weakly.

“I think I may have had a little too much wine.” He chortles.

Hank blinks at him blearily before shrugging.

“I think we all have.”

Charles looks at the young man to his left and wonders how things might have been had Raven and Hank gotten together. He wonders if he would have met Erik regardless and fallen in love with him without having to worry about his sister. He wonders if Raven would have fallen in love with Hank instead of with him, her brother. 

“I wish Raven had chosen you.” He sighs wistfully.

Hank blinks at him in surprise a few times, his nose wrinkling in confusion.

“Why?”

Charles shrugs.

“You would have been good for her.” He says with a strong nod.

Hank raises his eyebrows and pushes his glasses further up his nose, his lips pursed together unhappily. 

“No, I wouldn’t. I would have…rubbed her up the wrong way. Erik seems to _get_ her, you know? It’s like they have some kind of understanding.” He mutters quietly. 

Charles snorts.

“Yes, that they’re both fuck ups and may do whatever they please and never face the consequences. What kind of relationship is that?” he demands.

Hanks shrugs and fixes Charles with a firm look.

“A better one than you and Erik anyway.”

Charles shoots a dark look at him before sighing and shrugging his shoulders in defeat. 

“Perhaps you’re right.” He says softly, his blue eyes unfocussed as he stares off across the table.

For he and Erik _were_ eternally hidden in the shadows. They were sneaking around and deceiving loved ones as they carried on behind their backs. It makes Charles’ stomach turn and he is forced to see a similarity between this relationship and the one he had once endured with Shane, his mother’s boyfriend. 

“Logan is crazy about you.” Hank whispers, not wanting Logan to hear them.

He needn’t have worried; Logan was roaring with loud, boisterous laughter at something Moira had just said. Charles drags his focus back to Hank and gives him a sad smile.

“I know but I just…can’t.”

Hank doesn’t understand; it’s written clearly across his forehead when he furrows his brows and looks at Charles as if he’s a moron. Charles is saved from explaining himself, however, when the doorbell rings. Moira stops talking and raises an eyebrow at Charles.

“Maybe Raven decided to come after all.” She comments as she gets to her feet and makes her way to the front door.

“Be nice.” Logan decides. “To spend Christmas Eve with your sister.”

Charles nods politely and waits anxiously for her arrival. His stomach clenches as he wonders whether Raven is high or not or if she has come alone. He prays silently that she hasn’t brought Erik with him but the look on Moira’s face as she re-enters the dining room tells him that his prayers have gone unanswered. 

“Raven and Erik are here.” She announces stonily.

Before anyone can say anything the other two enter the room, both of them with bright pink noses and cheeks from the icy cold outside. Charles stands to offer Raven his chair and his stomach flips nauseously as he takes in her wide, dark pupils and unsteady gait.

“How was your show?” Hank asks timidly.

Raven snorts and rolls her eyes as she throws herself into Charles’ chair.

“Fucking sucked, dork. How was your dinner?” she demands as she picks at the leftovers on Charles’ plate.

“I actually kept a plate for you, Raven.” Moira declares, getting to her feet and marching to the kitchen, completely ignoring the fact that Erik must be hungry too.

Charles can tell from the almost military _clip clop_ of her heels that Moira isn’t happy about the arrival of her uninvited guest. Erik sidles closer to Charles and lowers his head in order to whisper into his ear.

“She insisted. I tried to bring her straight home.” 

Charles presses a soothing hand to the small of the taller man’s back.

“It’s fine. Moira doesn’t mean to be _quite_ so rude.” He reassures him with a small smile.

The familiar smell of Erik’s aftershave is making him feel sleepy and all he wants is to do is lean against him and enjoy his heat. Erik seems to realize this and steps that little bit closer so Charles can push himself into his shoulder and rest there. Charles doesn’t miss the sharp look Logan gives them as Moira slips back inside with Raven’s dinner. There is some bread and spreads on a side plate and she holds them out to Erik.

“Sorry.” She says in a tone that suggests she isn’t sorry at all.

“I’m not hungry.” Erik says curtly.

Raven snorts at this and waves some of her turkey at Erik teasingly.

“You told me that you were _starving_.” She giggles drunkenly.

Charles notices the guilty furrow of Moira’s brow before she takes her seat beside Logan. She waves her hand at the two empty seats at either end of the table.

“Sit down.” She demands.

“If you guys think you can _bear_ to sit that far apart.” Raven mocks through a mouthful of food.

 

Charles flushes a little at her comment and steps away from Erik swiftly, an uncomfortable prickling at the back of his neck. Erik takes the seat nearest to Raven and Charles can only smile when she pushes her plate towards him with a wink.

“I’m more useful than he is.” She insists. “I won’t let you go hungry.”

Erik gives her a dry smile before slipping a forkful of mashed potato into his mouth. 

“You’d probably spend all our money on heroin though.” Erik points out as he swallows.

Raven pulls a face before letting a small escape her.

“That’s true. But at least we’d never be bored? Charles wears _cardigans_ , for fuckssake.”

Charles can see from the looks on the other’s faces that they feel as confused as he does. He wonders if Raven actually _knows_ or if she is simply alluding to the fact that she knew how Erik felt about him. He raises his eyebrows ever so slightly at Erik, who, in return, shrugs his shoulders and gives him the ghost of a wink.

“You…you’re addicted to heroin now?” Hank comments quietly, breaking the silence that had befallen the room.

Raven glances at him before rolling her eyes.

“Maybe? Who fucking cares.” She says with a derisive snort.

“I do.” He whispers without missing a beat.

Erik raises his eyebrows in interest as Raven turns to properly look Hank in the eye. Moira has a stormy expression clouding her face and Charles knows that their evening has been ruined. Raven blinks at Hank wetly before shaking her head.

“No you don’t, dork.” She breathes fondly. “Because if you actually cared, you wouldn’t have let me do this to myself.”

The look between them runs much deeper than friends and Charles wonders if maybe Hank was speaking from experience when he said that he would only try to change Raven. Hank reaches out, his eyes only flittering to Erik nervously for a brief second before he places his hand on the top of Ravens warm, soft thigh.

“Everyone in this room cares for you and you still chose to do it. How much of a difference could I have made?”

Raven looks down at his hand and sucks in her bottom lip.

“So much.” She breathes. “You could have done so much.”

 

.

 

The ride home is silent. Charles sits in between Erik and Raven and stares straight ahead, careful not make any sound that might invite conversation. He just wants to crawl into his bed and forget everything. He wants to wake up in a world where his sister isn’t in love with him or a drug addict and where he isn’t in love with her boyfriend. The length of Erik’s long thigh is pressed against his and Charles can see his hands twitching as he fights the urge to place his hands on Charles’ leg.

“I fucking hate Christmas.” Raven mutters under her breath, her forehead pressed against the cool window of the taxi.

“Me too.” Charles breathes.

Raven moves her hand along the side of his leg and slips her fingers into his hand. Charles reluctantly grasps them and gives them a gentle squeeze. Charles can feel Erik’s gaze on the side of his face and so he turns and gives the man a questioning look. Erik cracks a small smile and shakes his head. The taxi pulls up outside their apartment block and Charles can see Erik’s hesitance, unsure of whether he should follow or not. He is about to wish him a merry Christmas, when Raven leans over his shoulder and nods at Erik.

“Come on. There’s plenty of room in the inn.”

 

.

 

 

“Anyone for drinks?” Raven demands as she kicks off her shoes and makes her way down the long hallway.

Charles sighs and shakes his head.

“Don’t you think you’ve had enough?” he declares exasperatedly, following her dutifully.

Raven flips him the bird and marches onwards into the kitchen and grabs the bottle of tequila on the counter, exactly where Charles had left it the night before. She untwists the cap and gulps down the burning liquid thirstily. She shudders as she passes the bottle to Charles. He looks at her doubtfully but he still raises the bottle to his mouth and takes a mouthful of the drink.

“Now, _this_ is more the like the Christmas’s I remember.” Erik snorts as he leans against the doorframe.

Charles can’t help but look at him hungrily and so he wraps his mouth around the neck of the bottle and suckles it teasingly. The dark look that flashes behinds Erik’s eyes tell Charles that he’s not the only one whose skin feels too tight.

“Gimme some more.” Raven growls suddenly from behind him, causing him to jolt and snort messily.

Erik laughs at this and comes closer, almost pinning Charles against the counter as he pretends to search for a glass of water. Charles wipes his red mouth with the back of his hand and grins up at him as Raven swallows half the bottle.

“You two are so obvious.” She gasps as she slams the bottle against the counter.

Charles glances at her sharply and forces himself to step away from Erik for the second time that evening.

“Whatever are you talking about?” he demands, pretending to be exasperated, desperately ignoring the hammering of his heart.

Raven rolls her eyes furiously and flips him the bird.

“You wanna play this game? Fine. I don’t give a shit. Have him. I don’t care if you fuck him.” She slurs, swaying slightly as she gets more aggressive.

Erik steps back and gives her a bewildered look.

“Raven-”

“Don’t even try.” She snarls. “You’ve told me all about your little _fantasies_. I know you guys want to fuck so just fuck.” 

Charles scrubs a hand over his face and shakes his head.

“Look, we’ve all drank a little too much and we’re probably not in the right frame of mind so let’s just-”

“Let’s all just fuck.” Raven declares, slipping the straps of her dress off her shoulders. “How about me, you and Erik just _fuck_ , Charles? Then we all get what we want.”

Charles’ stomach turns and he takes a step back against the counter, his brows furrowed deeply.

“Raven…no, that is just-”

“Disgusting and wrong, I know, but so is fucking my boyfriend behind my back and him fucking countless men and women behind my back and you and _Shane_ screwing behind my back so let’s just say that this calls it quits.” She orders, tears now pouring down her cheeks as she unclasps her bra.

Charles averts his gaze dutifully as Raven’s breasts bounce free from their restraints. Her entire body is shaking and her eyes are searching his face furiously, burning with an intensity he has never witnessed in her before.

“Raven, please.” He breathes.

She’s terrifying like this; naked and beautiful and so unbearably _furious_.

“No.” She hisses. “I’m not _stupid_ , Charles. I know. I fucking _know_.”

Both men stare at her wordlessly as she approaches them, a determined look on her face as she presses her plump lips together. Charles wants to escape. He needs to get out of this room and the horrors within it but Raven has a firm grasp of his writs and presses his hand against her goosepimpled breast.

“See? It’s just like everyone else’s.” She snarls, tears falling from her cheeks and dripping down the delicate skin just above her collarbone.

“You’re my _sister_.” Charles hisses, wrenching his hand free violently.

Erik steps closer and places one soothing hand on Raven’s bare shoulder and squeezes gently.

“Raven…it’s not going to happen. Not the way you hope it will anyway.” He says in a soft voice that Charles has never heard him use before.

Raven blinks back more tears and snivels loudly, staring at Charles defiantly.

“You _swore_ that you loved me.”

Charles folds his arms across his chest defensively and shakes his head.

“Not how you want me to, I am afraid. I can’t give that to you, Raven.” 

“But you could give it to _Shane_.” She spits and Charles can see the resentment twisting her usually peaceful mouth.

His stomach turns and his eyes narrow as he watches her in disbelief.

“I didn’t give him _anything_. He took it!” He snarls back, his fists clenching by his side.

Raven laughs at this, more tears streaming down her cheeks, making her cheeks hot and wet. She shakes her head and saunters closer, pressing her body against his. Charles can sense Erik at his side, can feel the energy rippling through his body as he tries to decide what best to do.

“You. Wanted. It.” She breathes into his mouth. “One night I even watched you _beg_.”

Before he realizes what he is doing, Charles has thrown one of his fists against her perfect cheekbones, putting all of his weight behind it.

“You’re _disgusting_.” He says shakily, his hands clenching and unclenching by his side. “How you could ever think that I would want you is beyond me!”

The room is spinning and Charles can barely breathe when Raven begins to sob in earnest, her entire body doubled over and shaking with violent retching sounds. Erik surges forwards and tries to support her, pressing gentle kisses along her shoulders, telling her that _everything is going to be okay_. Charles collapses against the counter and feels his body slip to the floor as he tries to process what has just happened. Erik glances at him over his shoulder and Charles is certain that he can see some anger bubbling in those cool eyes of his. He goes to stand but Raven beats him too it. She gets to her feet and looks down at him, her face red and puffy from her tears.

“I’m sorry.” She gasps quietly. “I’m sorry that I _disgust_ you.”

Charles feels all his energy ebb away and he gazes up at her helplessly.

“Raven…just-”

But she walks out of the room, leaving him no chance to finish his sentence. He watches her leave and then his eyes begin to wander back to Erik, not sure at all if he has enough energy to face the look that he is giving him.

“You didn’t handle that well.” Erik finally bites out.

“She pushed me.” Charles points out wearily.

“You let her.” Erik retorts. “She’s high and drunk and extremely vulnerable. You let her strike too close to the bone.”

Charles scrubs a hand down his face and glares at the man opposite him.

“How would you have handled it?” he challenges angrily.

Erik shrugs.

“I wouldn’t have made her feel ashamed of who she is.” He says simply. “Not when she bared herself to you like that.”

Charles hates the lump that forms in his throat and he shakes his head slowly.

“I don’t want to have this conversation. Not tonight. Let us just go to bed and forget about it.” He orders as he struggles to his feet.

Erik stands with him, his eyes never leaving Charles’ face.

“I _loved_ my uncle, Charles. I wanted to be with him the way Raven wants to be with you. I know how hard it is.” He says quietly.

Charles runs his tongue along his teeth and swallows the words that threaten to spill from his mouth like bile. Instead, he links his fingers through Erik’s and leads him down the hallway to his bedroom, wondering all the while what it would be like if he fell asleep and never woke up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> UPDAAAAAATE
> 
> again this was written in a rush so please excuse any grammar or spelling mistakes! I'll edit and reply to your lovely comments once I have returned from Europe!
> 
> So please enjoy and feel free to comment!

**Author's Note:**

> Ok, if you got this far, a million thank yous.
> 
> Please let me know what you think/if i should continue/etc.


End file.
